Esther Kustanowitz

You’ve heard me talk about Marry Blaire (who’s apparently going to be on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 on Monday 9/20 at 7 pm). Thanks to Petitchou, I’ve also found Marry Theresa, whose site appears to predate Blaire’s by several years.

I wish these ladies loads of luck. But every time I see their sites, I’m reminded of how “not me” they are. I’m even having intellectual problems with the online dating modality–I’m certainly not opening myself up to random proposals from men across the United States.

I guess that, to a certain extent, my writing on this site and My Urban Kvetch does make me vulnerable to criticism and proposals of both the wanted and unwanted variety. Maybe I’m more comfortable opening up my inner world of writing and thought as opposed to my outer world of photographs and lists of “romantic must-haves.”

Although I don’t think online dating has a stigma in the sense that it used to have, I still think that the JDate format, where someone sees my profile and makes a snap judgement about my dateability based on photo (hopefully also taking into account a few of the words I’ve penned about myself, as well), is not my ideal. I’m on JDate (even if I’m an unpaid member right now), but I still want to meet someone in the “normal” ways, through friends, in the humor section at Barnes and Noble, at parties, at synagogue services. I want the chemistry between us to be palpably physical, but also deeper and more emotional. I’m still looking for that undefinable something, as opposed to the checklist of options that help JDaters narrow down their search. But that’s just me.

There are tons of blogs out there. These are a few of my favorites which are penned (keyed?) by women in their twenties and thirties who are looking for love and finding it both humorous and exasperating:

Chayyei Sarah
Chayyei Sarah reports that she ran into an old college friend who now is one of the shadchans (matchmakers) at Saw You at Sinai:

She said “You have to understand, in all of Israel, there are over 300 women signed up for the service [she may have said closer to 400, but I don’t remember] and only 30 men.”I said “You mean to tell me that in the entire country, there are 30 men signed up, and more than 10 times that number of women?”She said “Yes. And when you factor in that those 30 men are in different age ranges and different hashkafot [religious perspectives/approaches], the chances of any one woman having a man on the site who is remotely for her dims considerably.”

This reminds me of that quote from Sleepless in Seattle (prepare for pre-9/11 reference to terrorism…apologies if anyone’s offended…) where someone notes that it’s more likely for a woman over 30 to be killed in a terrorist attack than it is for her to get married. When Meg Ryan and Rosie O’Donnell are discussing it, they decide that it doesn’t matter if it is true. Because whether or not it is true, it feels true.

30 men. 300 women. At this rate, Israel could override the Rabbenu Gershom decree outlawing polygamy in Judaism.

Boys…not liking your odds in NY? Try Israel. Of course, if you do, that even further decreases the men-to-women ratio for we NYC chicks. As if it doesn’t feel low enough already…

SuperJux
H. lives and loves L.A… from SpeedDatingGuy to JDate, from those guys who are “hit by the bus” (you ladies understand) to major surgery, she blogs all. Gonna meet her soon..can’t wait.

This Fish
This Fish needs a book contract. But don’t we all.

In a Kingdom By the Sea
The lovely and sensitive Annabel Lee shares her thoughts on B#1, B#2 and others, as she navigates the singles jungle.

Ari Goes Down
Ari hearts Bush. But I read her anyway. I’m all apolitical and stuff. Plus, she’s supercool, has a unique approach to single life and doesn’t care what you think about her. I admire the heck outta that.

E-Date Chronicles
A new find:
This site asks readers to submit the most absurd profiles that they find in perusing online dating services. I have often pointed out absurd or preposterous elements of people’s profiles, but without using their names. I urge you all, that if you decide to submit profiles to this site that you do so without using people’s names. I just feel like it’s less gossipy…
“Many genuine and kind-hearted people have taken to the Internet in recent years to find their soul mate. Even though each E-Dating site employs a unique method for finding a suitable mate, they all share a common weakness namely, people who post preposterous profiles. The mission of the E-Date Chronicles is to use humor in pointing out the absurdity contained in such profiles. Please send us any preposterous profiles you feel to be deserving of the E-Date Chronicle ‘treatment’. ”

Got a sister site to recommend? Recommendations welcome. Endorsements by Esther not guaranteed.

I’ve been all over the place for Amy Sohn.

Many miles, many trains. Three trains to Brooklyn to interview her last week. Another three today to her reading at the Barnes and Noble on Astor Place. (And that latter three was after a morning spent soaked to the skin after the monsoon that somehow penetrated the near-impregnable subway system.)

Her columns–“Female Trouble” and “Naked City”–are a braver, rawer, less Jewy version of my own. The notoriety of her subject matter is something I’m not sure I want for my own, but I certainly don’t mind being around it once in a while. Genuinely funny, so much prettier than the sullenness of the book jacket photo would have you believe, Amy is surprisingly down-to-earth. Especially for a sex columnist.

And all the miles? It was worth it, if only to hear her say “Being a writer is like a fusion of being a rabbi and an actress.” (Hmm. Both careers I’ve had suggested to me at various points in my life. Why didn’t I think of this?)

I’ll write more about the interview at a later date. For now, check out her new book, My Old Man (which I keep calling “This Old Man”) and her column in this week’s New York Magazine, about the dates who fade away. Men and women, we’ve all been guilty of this one.

Any other dating sins to confess? Feel free.

My life dreams have all been attained. In one week, I’ve become a new genre, inspired a catchphrase that’s undoubtedly sweeping the nation faster than you can say “Baby Fish Mouth,” and I’ve been compared to Molly Ringwald.

You all know that I really like my JDate profile. It used to begin “Funny, smart and sassy…” until I met Evan and he criticized my use of adjectives. So I changed it, and came up with something catchy…”Too cool for shul, but I go anyway. Sometimes.” This is actually a perfect description of me–couldn’t have written it better myself. (Um, right.)

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw this catchphrase listed as a headline on JRant. It linked to a post on JDaters Anonymous regular Passionate Life, in which P-Life recounts his perusal of my profile and the subsequent adoption of my catchphrase by his entire family over Shabbat dinner. Clearly, he didn’t sleep enough that night (or since), because he also thinks I look like Molly Ringwald. (Whatever…like I told him, I’ll take it!)

Later in the post, P-Life submerges himself in a reverie in which he imagines the girls he loved in high school and actually invents a prom. Since no one’s ever written an ode to me, let alone created an imaginary prom, because of something I wrote, I’m flattered!

To reward him for comparing me to an 80s icon, let’s send good JDaters Anonymous karma over to P-Life…