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Booze, Buses and Bodacious Booty
219 years
A reader sent me a link to this article, which tells the tale of a couple who, praise Hashem, met at the ripe old age of 22 through a Federation event, thereby, thank G-d, avoiding the angst and agita of remaining single into their early twenties. Yes, that’s right. Finally, a story we can all relate to.
Amanda Glincher, 22, says that even among other Jews, she has often stood out as very Jewish. Growing up she attended South Peninsula Hebrew Day School and the Orthodox synagogue Am Echad. Her family kept kosher, and often attended shul. “All the guys I dated on this coast were Reform,†said Amanda. “They would eat cheeseburgers…. in their home… on their own dishes!â€Â
Jacob Orrin, 22, grew up on the East Coast and attended college at Rutgers University, finishing his degree at San Jose State. “On the East Coast, you’re stumbling over Jewish people,†Jacob said. “Here, there’s really few opportunities to meet people.†Especially, observant Jewish girls!
Ooops! Ouch! What was that? [Esther looks at her feet.] Sorry folks, just stumbled over another Jewish person. Back to the story.
Both Jake and Amanda were busy dating one after another Reform, incompatible Jewish singles. Jake had gone to a few cocktail parties hosted by the Silicon Valley Young Adult Division of the Jewish Federation of Silicon Valley but hadn’t met anyone yet.
What? A few whole cocktail parties? And still no one?? The horror!
But fear not. Liquid courage is on its way.
Although she had been invited by friends to other events, Amanda had been avoiding SVYAD events on purpose for several months, “I didn’t want to hang out with all the young and desperate singles,†she joked. But one evening, Amanda agreed to accompany a friend on SVYAD’s “Booze Bus†up to the Latke Ball in San Francisco. It just so happened that Jake would also be on the bus that evening.
“I walked to the back of the bus where the alcohol was and I said to Jake, ‘you’re too tall to be Jewish,’ and he said, ‘you’re too blond to be Jewish,’†recalls Amanda. The next day Jake called Amanda for a date. But the first night out together was far from love at first sight. “I decided he was creepy and we didn’t like each other,†Amanda said. But several months later, one of the special needs children that Amanda works with through the Chabad sponsored program Friendship Circle, told her about his amazing Hebrew teacher. Turns out, the little boy was talking about Jake. Right around this time Amanda’s parents were planning her little brother’s bar mitzvah and were looking for a kosher caterer. Amanda remembered that Jake was working in catering and she used the opportunity to call him.
That brazen little hussy…calling a boy. When I was a girl, we didn’t call boys, or talk to boys, or sit in a parked car with a boy…
Three weeks later the couple was already talking marriage. Their wedding is in September. Why so quick?
“I’ve been on a thousand dates,†said Jake, “and when you know it’s right,
it’s right.â€Â
He’s been on a thousand dates. Yeah, Jake. Me too. No, y’know what? I’ve been on, like, a jillion dates. So there. (OK, so maybe it’s closer to twenty. But if Jake can exaggerate, so can I.)
Seriously, hope these crazy kids can make it work; built on a foundation of boozing and bussing and with the involvement of Chabad and Federation? Two Jewish organizations? Uh-huh…should be great!
“Online Dating”: Another Reader Responds
619 years
A reader, in response to my column on internet dating, writes:
I just heard from a Jewish dentist who is either …..(after seeing my photo)…either hot to trot, smitten, married or all of the above. He gave me his cell phone # and wants me to call him ASAP.
Another joker was smitten on the phone then disappeared for a week….never called back, but kept IMing me and finally asked me out for a drink. When I said I dont’ drink and would prefer to meet for a casual lunch….he got huffy in a hurry then IMed me again and said he’d buy me a soda (since I don’t drink).
Another beauty bought me a lovely dinner then said he’d call……he didn’t. He then IMed me several weeks later and asked me how I felt about safe fantasies and bondage!
And yes, I also referred her to JDatesGoneWrong…
“Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That…”
1219 years
SJM seeking SJM…JDate’s now totally gay. And I think that’s super, thanks for asking.
So if you’re gay, and Jewish, and looking for a Nice Jewish Boy, now’s your chance to experience the enchantment of online dating, JDate-style:
The popular Jewish online dating site expanded its search capabilities this month to allow gay men and lesbians to seek matches. The Web site, which is popular among Jews of all ages, now asks people for their gender and the gender they’re searching, allowing men to search for men and women to search for women.
[Hey, where have I heard about this before? Wasn’t there a site specifically for
gay Jews? I believe it was called QJew, and founder Justin offered me an exclusive for my column…maybe I should revisit that. Hey Justin, if you’re reading this, tell me why QJew is better than JDate for finding a same-sex bashert…]
Seth Kamen of Bethesda, Md., watched his best friend meet her fiancee through JDate, and said he hopes to meet a Jewish guy through the service as well. “Judaism is a large part of my life,†said Kamen, 28. “I want somebody who can share that with me.â€Â
Beyond celebrating holidays, Kamen said he’s looking for someone with whom to raise Jewish children. Indeed, with more gay men considering adoption and child rearing, the issue of finding a mate of the same religion has taken on added significance. “Anything that can bring together two Jewish parents, whatever sex they are, is an important thing to do,†Kamen said.
I hope Seth finds his bashert. But in case he doesn’t, and instead becomes as frustrated as we searchers of the hetero-Judaic persuasion, JDaters Anonymous is here to catch him in a community of the likeminded. Because whether you’re a breeder or a big old queen, frustration with online dating unites us all.
All Cliches Must Die
619 years
Attention Online Daters of America:
Cliches are the worst of the worst. They are sins whose names we dare not speak. They are our own worst enemies, our fair-weather friends who seem to comfort until they stab us in the back, the traitors. They are the evil that lives after us. They are the bane of our existence, as they strip us of personality and individuality until we are insipid and undistinctive, people who love to laugh, who work hard and play hard, and whose family is very important to us. We must rid ourselves of these evildoers, because if they give us enough rope, we will surely hang ourselves.
I know what you’re thinking: “Esther, I’m no professional writer…how do I know if I’m using a cliche?” Don’t worry, boys and girls. Clichefinder is here. Type in a word and it will generate a list of cliches using that word. If it shows up on the site, it shouldn’t show up in your profile.
Of course, nothing’s set in stone when it comes to using Clichefinder. But well-begun is half done. And if you find yourself spinning your wheels, stuck between a rock and a hard place for language, and you suspect you might have inadvertently used a cliche, feel free to ask me. I’ll give you a piece of my mind (if I can spare it).
Now That Sounds Healthy…
119 years
Diane Keaton prefers onscreen romance to off. Why? No nasty breakups. You always know what you’re going to get. People stick to their lines, and do what they’re supposed to, she says. She also may or may not be dating Keanu Reeves, depending on which tabloid you consult.
In a related story, I will be launching my career as an actor in order to court onscreen romance. Because it can’t be any harder than actual dating, could it? Thanks, Diane…you’re an inspiration!
Internet Dating: A Reader’s Response
1719 years
Just wanted to share this email I received from a reader of my Jewish Week column.
A DISGUSTED INTERNET SECOND SINGLE DATER (a divorced single mom to a teenage son who started internet dating within the last year) writes:
I recently got my nerve to take the plunge and start to date via an internet service, a Frum site. And boy my experiences, and opinions can fill pages of the Jewish Week! First off by email and telephone conversations- I have been lied to over and over. About if the guys have kids/ I am divorced single mom who wants only a guy who has been married with kids. So I have had guys lie to me that they did not have kids, but they did. I had guys lie about why they are divorced, ask me out after a few months of being either divorced, or widowered. I had been emailed by guys who were in their 20s… I am Baruch Hashem 40 and I don’t date guys younger than 2 years younger than me. I have been emailed by guys who are 65+. I am Modern Orthodox- I have been emailed by Chasidim. I have no confidence of finding my BASHERT FROM THIS TYPE OF DATING. I DID try this in the winter and spring of 2005/ and I had a few dates- but no one worthy of being a Bashert. I came close twice but the long distance relationship/ and relocation issues would not work for me. I feel that it is easy to make quick rejections of shidduch prospects when things don’t fit right. I have been the dumper as well as the dumpee and the guilt on this is tremendous!
After I asked if I could reprint her comments here, she agreed and added the following about her experience.
I am so glad that I am not alone in feeling this way- I originally thought it had to do with my baggage of my divorce, and my recent broken engagement- that all these wounds prevented me from finding my Bashert through that internet dating! That is what I have been told by the few lucky ones who found their spouses on these sites. But I have an acquaintance who found her husband on one site and she had a lot of baggage from her divorce- worse than me/ and had more kids, and years married at the time of her sudden divorce- so I thought if she had Mazel why not me? But the internet dating is not cracked up to what it advertises. I have weeded out the garbage excuse my directness on this- and I do it via the emails and telephone- I don’t even chance the date at all lately–if something does not feel right, I side on caution and avoid the date like a plague!
And now, the audience interaction portion of our program…
Some might say she’s right to be cautious. Others may call her overly picky. What do you think?
“The Truth About Online Dating”
2619 years
Remember the way online dating used to be? A secret shame? (Now it’s a public shame, but whatever.) Reminisce as you read and record your own memories here…
The Truth About Online Dating
The NY Jewish Week, 11/24/05
Back in the day, dating online was something no one talked about. Relying on the computer to generate a list of potential dates seemed to indicate a certain desperation, social ineptitude or level of geekdom, and the social stigma was overwhelming.
We also had a respectful fear of the Internet; we established emergency
check-in procedures, in case the nice quiet Jewish boy without a context turned
out to be one of those people who would later be described by neighbors on the
local news, as a “quiet, private person who kept to himself  we never imagined
he was a cannibal.â€Â
Then, slowly, the grudging, sub-audible admissions began. “Well, for
the last X [amount of time], I’ve kinda … been … on JDate.†You confessed it
softly, in case the music suddenly stopped, yielding to your voice trumpeting
truth against a pristinely silent background. Since then, online dating is
assumed. We peruse disembodied profiles, no longer fearful of our potential
dismemberment, although there is always the possibility of dis-rememberment
(“Did I say I’d call her? Which Rachel is that?â€Â)
We understand the reality  if you’re really looking, you have to be in
many places at once. Attending singles events is a good start, but how many can
one person attend in a given week? Online, you can ogle and reject (or even
initiate contact with) many eligible singles from the comfort of your own home.
Plus, the experience itself becomes an unintentional bonding point: “That guy
contacted you, too? I can’t believe he wrote us the same letter.†(Want more
proof? Google “I hate JDate†for about 42,600 results.)
Want more? Read the rest of the article here.
Short Takes: Discuss Amongst Yourselves
219 years
The perfect first JDate call…and by perfect, we mean perfectly hilarious (JDates Gone Wrong)
Here…I’ll give you some topics…
Men have a tougher time than women in the dating process? Discuss… (The Anonymous Blogger)
Hilary’s hair is sooo silky that a JDater “wants to cultivate her society” (Superjux)
Annabel Lee is “ing”ing and someone tells her to get over her own cuteness, as if that were possible (Annabel Lee)
Moxie’s attracted to another man, but doesn’t act on it — readers respond (Moxie)
P-Life asks whether a woman’s declaration of absolute devotion to the spouse she hasn’t met yet is offensive and deameaning (P-Life, Orthodox Bloggers)
C addresses the eternal question (can you be friends with an ex?) and provides a rundown of bloggers (including Klein, Ken, Karol and Cunning) who are opining on the subject (A Picture of Me)
Talk amongst yourselves…
Cutting Room Floor
219 years
I just chopped this paragraph from my upcoming article in the Jewish Week about online dating, mostly because it makes so little sense. I offer as evidence of how tired I am…and how many times I’ve seen a certain dinosaur movie:
But on the other hand, we’ve lost our fear of online dating, throwing life out of balance. As Ian Malcolm, the fictional chaos theorist in Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park, might have said, we didn’t earn the power to disrespect the systemâ€â€we were not vigilant about maintaining a healthy respect of and fear for the interface. And because we were that arrogant life–or, in this case, online dating sites–“will find a way.”
There’s probably some machine conspiracy theory a la Matrix in there as well (“we know it was they who scorched the skies…”) — what can I say? I don’t have HBO, so I watch a lot of Bravo and TBS/TNT/USA.
The whole, hopefully much more coherent article, to come Wednesday, as usual.
Sex Columnists Tell All
819 years
…and that’s how they’re different from me.
New York Magazine is all about sex this week, with a Mating feature containing what appears to have been some sort of drunken columnist round-table that was eventually hijacked by the Washingtonienne, who provided helpful hints from her experience (“when I wrote my book, I got Adderall from my friends, and I was typing like a maniac. And that’s the thing, yeah, that and snorting coke helped me write the book really fast.”) Note taken.
Normally, my sense of jealousy flares up when I’m not invited to columnist bashes or given publicity like other writers. But frankly, I’m glad to have been left out of this one. I just finished reading it at the gym and was a little sickened by it. I try to be tolerant of the choices that people and writers make in their personal and professional lives. But some of these statements just seem like cries for attention writ large and often within this article…
Plus, any of my regular readers know that I write more about trends and less about individuals I’ve dated. That, hopefully, keeps me connected to other people, not just to my own experiences. Of course, keeping “real people” out of the discussion, I hope that I’m being respectful of their privacy. And these women, as entertaining and honest as their writing may be, do that writing at the expense of other people’s privacy.
My writing may suffer because it’s not as honest as these other columnists. As long as my writing lacks their explicit, NC-17 quality, I may never grab the attention of New York magazine. But I think I’ll be okay with that.