JDaters Anonymous

Oddly Enough: Jewish Singles Edition
by Esther D. Kustanowitz

While the Internet brings us many wacky news stories, my favorites are usually from a section on the Reuters.com Web site called “Oddly Enough.” Here I find stories about the guy who mailed himself home to Texas as cargo so he could save on airfare, or the Japanese man arrested for trespassing at a high school while dressed in a girl’s uniform and a long wig. And because of stories like these, I have a blog category called “World of Weird.” Some of these stories, of a Jewish or secular nature, also seem to have bearing on singles and relationships. So, because everyone loves a list, here are five of my favorite recent odd singles-related stories.

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My new article, “Don’t Worry, Be Single Happy,” is now available online (hopefully) for your reading pleasure. An excerpt:

As the learned sage Rav McFerrin once intoned, “In every life we have some trouble. … When you worry you make it double. Don’t worry, be happy.” This has also been the prevailing wisdom within the single-and-dating population. You project what you feel inside: if you act happy and confident then you will be happy and confident. Your inner middot (values) and good personality will seize the day and people will naturally gravitate to you. Essentially, if you feel attractive on the inside, you’ll be attractive on the outside. You will be what you projected you’d be.

Just one problem: for the men and women who are single and want to be otherwise, the years of solitude — or singularity, if you prefer — can make even the most optimistic person feel less attractive. An evening that starts in optimism can turn on a dime into disappointment; peaks exist because valleys also do. And after years of mixed messages from parents, media and well-meaning friends, the self takes a hit.

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If you’re reading this, then you’re likely experiencing what I’m experiencing: the year of no Valentine. Of course, as you’ve likely heard me say before, Valentine’s Day wasn’t something I celebrated as a child in school, nor was it an active part of my college experience, save the one year I had a boyfriend in February. So I’m of the opinion that, were I to have someone worth celebrating, we should do so quietly, reveling in our alone time and in the miracle of having found each other, instead of going out into public, where the single people live, and making them feel bad.

That’s why at JDaters Anonymous, we like to offer reading options for our single readers, as well as some pointers for our non-single readers. Hopefully, this will make this Valentine’s Day — and the world — a better place.

For single people:
1. Plan a night with the single friends you love most, the ones who make you feel complete even in your absence of spouse, life partner or boon companion. Go to a rockin’ show, perhaps one that’s only in town for one night at the House of Blues.
2. Send an anti-Valentine card, or “>have Isaac Hayes leave a message for someone you like or dislike.
3. Realize that you’re not alone (yes, Virginia, there are other singles blogs) and help other people find community. Leave comments so people know that their voices or words are being heard.
4. Chocolate, flowers, chocolate.

For married friends of single people:
1. Scan your address book for available singles and really sit down and consider them: would any of them enjoy the company of the other? Do a mitzvah and initiate the hookup.
2. Reconsider your official or unofficial policy on PDA. Remember, it’s not just about what you’re feeling…it’s what you’re making other people feel. Remember the old school rule: if you’re going to bring candy to class, you have to bring enough to share.
3. Invite your single friends to meals at your house–maybe not on Valentine’s Day itself, but you can make the call on February 14th and make the plan for another time. It’s a way to let your single friends know that they’re important to you.
4. Chocolate, flowers, chocolate.

What else could single or married people do to help Valentine’s Day be less difficult?