JDaters Anonymous

“Jewish Indiana Jones” Josh Bernstein’s been gaining visibility lately, with a loyal female fan base and this gushing piece in New York Magazine (see CK’s post at Jewlicious). Meanwhile, over in professional dating industry professional land, author and relationships coach Evan Marc Katz recently got engaged.

What’s the connection? Clearly Single Semites of the Month, once identified by JDatersAnonymous, are destined for eventual stardom. Josh Bernstein initiated the category in February 2006, and then went on to be featured in the NY Times before getting to NY Magazine recently. As for Evan, the author of two books on dating now, was a Single Semite of the Month back in April 2007, and recently announced his engagement.

So…not a guarantee, but there’s a high incidence of good things happening for SSotMs. Have one to recommend? See the guidelines here.

As happens in the Jewish calendar, last night began a holiday that continues today: Tu B’Av, the traditional Jewish holiday of love. The timing is designed so that after Tish’ah B’Av, the Ninth of Av fast day, which recalls the tragedies of the Jewish people especially the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, we affirm life with joy, celebration and looking toward a future (read: the hope of future Jewish babies).

I was supposed to go to the Bangitout Tu B’Av party in NYC–which draws about 800-1000 Jews all (theoretically) looking for relationships. If I still had the Jewish Week singles column, I would have gone for research, but since Jewish singles isn’t my official pring beat anymore, this year, I was going just for me. But it wasn’t in the cards. (Read why here.)

Because last week was Tish’ah B’Av, this Shabbat is Shabbat Nachamu, the “Shabbat of Consolation” on which Madonna will be justifying her love with her husband through renewal of vows, and which traditionally has served as a designated Jewish singles weekend for the eternally hopeful.

But singles weekends are expensive, so many will take a less costly route and gather in Central Park on Shabbat for picnicking and kibbitzing. Who knows? I might even be there.

And now, a Tu B’Av video courtesy of some of my blog friends, including Benji Lovitt of WhatWarZone. Happy Tu B’Av!

Like many long-time single Jewish Upper West Siders, I read “Marriage on Their Minds,” by former editrix of Heeb Jennifer Bleyer, with great interest, and admittedly, some jealousy. The color green (jealousy) comes courtesy of the writer in me, who’s always been jealous of the category known as “people I moderately know who are suddenly writing about Jewish single life in the NY Times instead of me.” And the interest, of course, comes from what seems a sudden interest in the social lives of UWS Jews -an area I’ve had some interest in for some time – from the Grey Lady.

The piece is a basic intro for those not familiar with “the scene,” and a trip down memory lane for those of us who, at any point in our lives, lived it. To sum up: lots of singles in NYC, lots of Jews, Lincoln Square, Jewish Center, Bangitout and their annual Tu B’Av festivus (scheduled for this Thursday in NYC), “not in the shtetl anymore,” singles with marriage on their minds (on paper, at least) but who never have to grow up. To sum up even further: News Alert–Jewish Singles Found on Upper West Side: Who Knew?.

Read the rest of this entry »

Of all the JDaters Anonymous posts I’ve written, the one that keeps getting found (and commented on) is the one I wrote in early 2006, right before I boarded a singles cruise to the Caribbean. (Perhaps I was subconsciously hoping I’d find someone on the boat…)

“Friends With Benefits” (imported from the days when I was still over at Blogger–see here for an additional nine comments that don’t appear on this site), remains a fascinating concept because it’s not about random sexual encounters with strangers…in an age when we’re looking for love and companionship, and as many say, “a best friend I can go through life with,” people find friendship and friskiness in the same person. They’re attracted to the personality, and to the sexual animal, and yet, don’t want to have a relationship with them.

Forget the people who don’t want to be in a relationship, period, with anyone. Commitment-phobes are also out. And habitual users of the drug known as casual sex or one-night stands aren’t what we’re talking about here. But people who are actively dating, involved in the process and the quest for someone to build a life with, and regularly sleeping with someone else whom they care about and whose company they enjoy? Why not try a relationship with such a person? Isn’t that what they’re looking for, someone they care for and attracted to? I mean look…we’ve all seen the episodes of “Friends”: it was FWB first for Monica and Chandler (and a lot of alcohol), and then they fell. Is that what people are subconsciously looking for when they enter a FWB situation, that it will progress beyond the defined limits into something more meaningful?

This topic continues to fascinate me, and I’m particularly interested, as always, in how this phenomenons exists (or doesn’t) in the Jewish world. But in a larger sense, what does this kind of arrangement mean about modern love? Does this emerge from a culture of infinite personalization? Since we can tailor our computer desktops and programs by going to the “Options” menu, do we expect to do the same thing with our love lives?

Do we feel empowered by the freedoms of the “Sex and the City” generation, and feel like we should be pursuing sex first, relationships later? And are people in FWB scenarios, who are still theoretically “looking for the one,” just fooling themselves and their non-FWB dates?

What other comments does the popularity of “Friends With Benefits” make on modern love??