JDaters Anonymous

We’re happy to announce that the last “Dateline” story was such a hit that we’re making it a regular feature here at JDatersAnonymous, and inviting its author to keep on contributing her stories, as long as she has the strength to keep on keeping on…

Dateline: Los Angeles – Bachelor #82

I was happy to receive an e-mail in my JDate inbox from Bachelor #82, a handsome man. We e-mailed back and forth, spoke on the phone and finally set a date for Tuesday night. He picked a nice bar to meet near my home and I was looking forward to the evening.

As he walked into the bar I was stunned at how good looking he was. Bachelor #82 was tall with a full head of light brown hair, kind eyes and he smelled of fresh laundry. He was 36 years old, Jewish and currently attending law school in Los Angeles. He was perfection on that proverbial paper.

He smiled at me and we began what I would describe as a wonderful date. He asked me questions about my childhood, my time in NY, my religious views and taste in books and movies. He shared his opinions and made me laugh throughout the date. I was interested in him and was hoping to learn more.

About an hour into the date he started acting nervous and began fidgeting with his cocktail napkin. I asked if he was okay and he explained he really liked me so far (yay!) and was hoping I’d be okay with the news he was about to share.

“I’m not Jewish. Is that okay with you?” He looked down and stared at his feet. His eyes would go from the floor to me, back to the floor and back up to me. Like a pre-teen caught with porn. It was like a train wreck – I was very confused at this point, but couldn’t look away.

“I’m okay that you are not Jewish.” I replied. “But why are you on JDate? Why do you like Jewish girls?”

He began to explain. “I like Jewish women for three reasons. One, their politics are very liberal. Two, they are overly educated. Three, they are physically curvy.”

“You are barking up the wrong tree here, pal,” I responded. “I’m no Ivy Leaguer and typically vote Republican.”

“No, no it’s okay! This is good.” he says happily with a smile. “You have the curves!”

[End scene.]

For more tales from the dating trenches, and dating-related commentary, stay tuned to this JDatersAnonymous channel.

Let’s look at your symptoms.

1) You’ve become the consummate Googler, especially of your exes.
2) You’re a virtuoso Facebook stalker, especially of your exes.
3) You poke, IM or write email messages to your exes, trying to recapture the magic of yesteryear.
4) You’ve ever said, “all I want is to see her/him again.”

While all of us have probably Googled an ex from time to time, a few people are taking it to the next level, and trying to reunite with/resurrect lost loves via Facebook and other social media. If you’ve answered yes to any of the above questions, the Boston Phoenix (quoted in Time Magazine) thinks you’re a retrosexual: a creature born of the Facebook era, in which time passed does not end a relationship/obsession…

“You’re curious to see what she looks like, and it’s easy to fantasize about alternative courses your life might have taken.” It’s the same feeling that compels people to attend high school reunions.

Gentle reader, not all of us feel compelled to attend high school reunions. But I digress.

The piece shares stories of people who re-met after many years, to tepid – or incredibly awkward – results. But there’s always someone with the silver lining of a story that makes you think – hey, this just might work for me too…

[...]what about Elise Garber and her first kiss, Harlan Robins? For them, life really did resemble a romantic comedy. Robins remembered his summer-camp girlfriend and replied to her Facebook message. They agreed to meet for drinks the next time he was in Chicago. When they saw each other, something clicked. They talked into the night, went out the next day, then decided to give their long-distance retrosexual romance a try. Surprisingly, it worked. Garber quit her advertising job and moved to Seattle to be with him. On Sept. 6, they married. “And to think,” says Garber, “I worried that we’d spend the whole evening talking about summer camp.”

So there you have it. Retrosexuality leads to happiness. Just like JDate…it works for other people. Since all my exes are married, I’m looking forward to the next article: about how retrosexual homewrecking is the wave of the romantic future.

The world is full of dating stories. This is one of them.

Written by a friend of mine (no, really, it’s not me) who recently moved to LA from New York (I swear it’s not me!), the post tells a tale all-too-familiar to Jewish daters…there’s a fancy hotel, expensive cars and clothes, and a man with an obscure job. And of course, awkward conversation.

Dateline: Beverly Hills – Bachelor #87
by J., intrepid JDater

I was contacted on JDate by a man who initiated an IM conversation with “Are you a good cook”? I continued to chat with him online and then over the phone, at which point he asked me out for a date. Bachelor #87 hails from Israel. He is from Iran originally and moved to LA from Israel when he was 18. So a Persian/Israeli Jew. He’s 43, never been married and “works in real estate” what ever that means. He does not work for a company and does not have his own company so somehow he’s figured out how to make money. (Fine Italian shoes, fancy sports car and diamond watch attached). I’m starting to think I’m the idiot here, who works in a cubicle all day.

Read the rest of this entry »

We don’t like to dwell on the negative here at JDA. Life is so serious and this field full of such gravitas that we like to make you smile, even laugh, as you journey with us through the valley of the shadow of dating (OK, so maybe that metaphor was slightly negative. But still, read on…).

And so I’m pleased to present these two things that may make you smile, chuckle, guffaw, or forward/retweet to a friend.

“You Make Me Touch Your Hands for Stupid Reasons”

From the creatives over at “You’re the Man Now, Dog” – conveniently abbreviated YTMND – comes this dramatic reading of an actual breakup letter. I suspect it’s a breakup email, but potato, potahto. I’d tell you to watch for my favorite part, but let’s face it – it’s pretty much all my favorite part.

“I’m typing this on Shabbat, but I pray from the Koren Sacks Orthodox Siddur”

Over at Jewcy.com, Patrick Aleph, a self-described “rocker dude” notes that now that he’s single and has decided he wants to marry Jewish, he’s having some trouble finding his ideal woman. In “Rocker Dude Seeks Bitchin’ Beshert,” he opines:  “there are plenty of Gefilte-Fish-In-The-Sea, but I’m getting picky. I’ve boiled my soulmate to a very specific, bordering on psychotic, JDate Nazi-esque list of characteristics.” On the list for his beshert (soulmate):

Education: bachelors degree in something super practical from a pussy liberal state college

Boobs: proportional and large enough to give me hands full of fun

There’s more – check it out for yourselves. And while you’re at it, check out “Hacking JDate,” for his attempts at that very interesting and challenging activity.

Got stories or links that make you laugh? Share them with us in the comments, or email me at jdatersanonymous at gmail.com.