Group therapy in a blog.
Esther Kustanowitz
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Posts by Esther Kustanowitz
Who Do Your T-Shirts and Status Updates Say You Are?
1What’s on your t-shirt? Are you a “local celebrity,” or are you, unfortunately, “with stupid”? And seriously, how addictive is that status update feature on Facebook?
People wear slogan-ed shirts for a reason. Still, since we often make a concerted effort not to judge books by covers, maybe we shouldn’t judge people by the T-shirts they wear. But it’s always nice to encounter a little more information about the people who intrigue us. And we certainly all enjoy tantalizing tidbits of information, whether Google-learned or freely offered, that make us want to learn more.
This brings us to a contemporary addiction that also provides insight into human self-perception: the Facebook status feed. This insanely popular social networking tool asks us to define ourselves, as many times a day as we’d care to do so. “Esther is on deadline.†“Deb is contemplating a great day.†“William is, and therefore he thinks.†As information goes, it may not seem like much. But if done right and changed regularly, it does tell your friends everything they might need or want to know. (Or at least everything you’d want them to know.)
Check out my latest Jewish Week singles column, “Honest-Tees: A Song of Ourselves?“.
Happy Tu B’Av: from Queen
317 years
In honor of the Jewish “holiday of love,” I present the anthem of the perennially single.
Enjoy, and may you soon find somebody to-hooooooo….loooooooooove.
Welcome, Shalom USA Listeners
017 years
If you’re here because you heard me on Shalom USA, welcome!
Feel free to poke your head around in my archives, or peruse blog posts by categories. And make sure to visit my other blog, My Urban Kvetch.
Interested in Creative Zionism? Check here.
And PresenTense Magazine is here.
Free (J)Love
417 years
You probably got the email just like I did…but JLove, in celebration of its first anniversary, just went free. An excerpt from the email:
We have grown to be almost 50,000 Jewish singles for our first anniversary. As of tonight, you can SEND and RECEIVE E-mails, chat, IM and much more for NO COST at all. Now you can save your dollars for your dates and your shekels for someone special.
They have said this in the past, and it hasn’t meant totally free. (Maybe “almost free,” like this pizza place in Israel.) But now they swear, “free means free.” And that’s supposed to be free to send AND receive emails (what a concept), and that everything else is free. Not sure what the business model is here, but I’ll let the shareholders worry about that.
And in the meantime, you may also want to check out this graphic, which reminds us all to pick a username we’re comfortable with. Real comfortable with.
Hat tip to the Oyster.
“Find His Wife, Please” and Summer Romances: New Columns Online
217 years
Everyone loves a summer romance; until they’re over. (Insert Debbie Downer’s “wah-waaaaah.”)
In tribute to my summer romance with Jewish innovation (I know…sounds totally hot, right?), I present this latest column, whose name — picked by my editor, apparently — is so bad that I’m not even putting it here. Just click and read.
And if you missed the column before that, click here for “Find His Wife, Please,” a column about standup single comic David Kilimnick, who I am officially declaring July’s Single Semite of the Month. Check out his website at israelcomedy.com, and tell him I sent you.
I Know Sense of Humor is Objective, But…
817 years
So, isn’t McSweeney’s supposed to be a journal of advanced thought and/or humor? Isn’t it supposed to be boundary-pushing and inventive?
Isn’t it?
Because seriously, I can’t even find one thing about this piece that’s even approaching any of those things. I wish I could.
Maybe I’ve just seen too much.
Hung Up on “Knocked Up”
917 years
[Thanks for your patience, all. I’ve been across the Atlantic twice, and back once. I’m now in Israel again and overworked as usual. But finally, here’s a new post…]
I can’t get “Knocked Up” out of my head. Not just because it was a hilarious movie, which it was, or because it was the brainchild of the previously over-aforementioned Judd Apatow. And not even because it contained this gem of a clip that seemed so random and so on-point at the same time in its absurd level of Jewish pride in the movie “Munich.”
I just can’t stop thinking about the plot. Funny Seth Rogen–who was working on a career as the Solid Stoner King of Sidekickland– lands beautiful Katharine Heigl. When beauty meets hilarious person, it always seems to be a gorgeous girl and a schlubby guy. Or alternately, a gorgeous girl who wears glasses and a ponytail and at the end of the movie takes down her hair, and gets contact lenses, and is suddenly beautiful, and a gorgeous guy… Heigl’s character comes to appreciate Rogen’s character for his loyalty, his devotion, his humor, and his good nature. I’m a fan of the message–get to know someone before you judge them and you might discover something unexpected. But here’s the thing: I’m worried about the backlash.
Newsweek called Rogen’s ilk (fellow members of the “non-matinee idol” type, or as I like to call it, the “Schlub Club,” the “Beta Male“–and I admit, when it comes to this “Alpha Beta” scale, I’m a beta female. But is there a danger that my potential beta male companions will go searching for alpha females? And if so, where do the “beta-ettes” go? To the gammas? Deltas?
To clarify, this does not stop me from loving this movie. I will have to see it again…
What Leslie Mann Can Teach Us
818 years
Who? Leslie Mann, who has been in such movies as Big Daddy, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and the upcoming Knocked Up (with suspectedly single, suspectedly Semitic Seth Rogen).
Mann’s married, and Mann’s man is writer, producer, etc Judd Apatow. But was it love at first sight? Not exactly. Here’s an excerpt from a great interview on ABC.com:
A recurring theme in Apatow’s work is of a geeky guy getting a girl whom he normally wouldn’t be able to get.
“It’s a nerd fantasy,” explained Apatow. “That’s the bad thing about doing a lot of work. Slowly the seams begin to show. … You realize it’s all one idea: pretty ladies like goofy guys. It’s just a fantasy. … But I think that a lot of it comes from the fact that on some level it’s really about wanting people to recognize you for who you are, or take the time to get to know you.”
Actress Leslie Mann, who had a memorable if brief role in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” as “the drunk girl,” has a larger, meatier role in “Knocked Up” as Heigl’s married sister. In real life, she’s married to Apatow, and admits that his recurring theme might have some basis in reality.
“I remember driving in the car with him,” she said, “looking over at him, thinking, ‘This is the kind of guy I should be with. I would never be with him, but this is the kind of guy I should be with.’ And then somehow, we went out again, and he kissed me, and then it was all good after that.”
What I’m hearing? Second chances are good.
A Resolution
1918 years
Everyone makes New Year’s Resolutions. But there’s no reason you can’t come to a realization, say, in the middle of the fifth month of a given year, and a month in advance of your next birthday, and decide, “You know what? I’m tired of doing this. Enough already.”
This is not an announcement of blog retirement. It’s hope that writing this resolution down–even in the abstract rendering below–and swearing it before you all will keep me honest and true to the spirit behind the conviction.
I’m lucky to have wonderful people in my life–my born family and what I like to refer to as my “acquired family.” (If you’re reading this, you might even count yourselves among the members of that group.) I’ve got a lot going on in my life, and a lot of it is pretty damn great by anyone’s standards. That I’m missing a companion is unfortunate, both for me and for him, whoever he is, because I’ve always tried to be that person who goes out of her way for someone, especially if she sees something special in them. In the past, it hasn’t mattered whether that something’s nature is clearly platonic, mildly murky, or holds some sort of perceived potential. Perhaps my kindness has been calculating and manipulative–my version of “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” or something like that–and that’s why it’s never been rewarded.
But here’s where it stops. I’m tired of exerting myself for people, especially men, who don’t appreciate the effort. I’m going to stop. I’m going to stop reading into what isn’t there, and stop trying to create a deeper connection through excessive kindness. Because if there isn’t even a thank you? I’m just engaging in self-delusion, which is a form of unkindness to the one person I’m really destined to spend the rest of my life with–myself.
So that’s it. Maybe less earth-shaking or life-altering to you than it is to me. But it’s an attitude shift that’s been a long time coming. So there it is.
Brilliant Insight Found
2818 years
In perusing some of my regular dating-related reads, I caught up on my friend JDater Joe, who had the following to say about JDate after corresponding with a woman who then disappeared. (Hilary? Is this another victim of The Bus?)
“When you haven’t met the other party, you end up having a relationship with yourself so it’s always better than it turns out.”
Is this the problem? Should we meet immediately, to avoid becoming lulled into the comfort of a relationship with ourselves, whose company we already love?