Group therapy in a blog.
“You Had Me at Shalom”–Single? Move to Israel
Apparently, singles sick of looking for Jewish partners in other countries are on the move to Israel, according to an article in Ha’aretz…
The number of young, unmarried North American Jews immigrating to Israel has increased dramatically in the past few years, with a leap of 40 percent projected for 2006 as compared to last year’s figures. In 2004, some 350 North American singles immigrated here (out of a total 2,600 olim from the U.S. and Canada). The number of single North Americans rose to 450 last year (out of a total of 3,000 olim), and for 2006, the forecast is 625 singles by year’s end (with a total of 3,000-plus expected).
If you’re looking for olim from countries other than North America and the U.K–which accounts for 126 singles last year and 140 by the end of 2006–the numbers aren’t as good, as the article reports that single olim from other countries appears to be decreasing slightly.
According to statistics provided by the Jewish Agency […] Thirty-seven Jewish singles immigrated from Australia this year, compared to 41 the year before. Similarly, 36 Jewish singles immigrated from South Africa, compared to 48 the year before. Still, the influx of young Americans has expanded the Anglo singles scene in both Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, its two major bases. “I do get the feeling that the singles scene is getting bigger,” London-born Nadia Levene, who organized a Jerusalem singles party over Simhat Torah that attracted over 400 people.
Of course, no one is saying that moving to Israel means you’ll immediately meet someone. Lord knows there are enough single people in Israel who remain single and frustrated by it, despite the other miracles that might be available in the Holy Land…
But still, for those of us who are single and searching for a nice Jewish boy or girl, this article represents additional kosher food for thought.
My experience living and dating in Israel has shown that dating prospects are NOT a good enough reason to make aliyah. I saw too many peopel who moved to Israel in hopes of marrying an Israeli furstrated because what they forgot is that Israelis are from a different culture and so thsi is an additional hurdle you will have to overcome. The mating rituals in Israel are different than in the US and one needs to assimilate to those new norms.
Moreover, Americans tend not to seriously learn Hebrew (and I am being charitable here). I saw people (Americans) who had been in Israel for 5, 10 and even 20 years who never mastered Hebrew. One woman had been in Israel 20 years and couldn’t read food labels or maneuver the checkout line at the supermarket. This is especially likely to be the case in teh big Anglo ghettos like Jerusalem (where perfect, Brooklyn-accented English can be heard randomly in the streets without looking for it) and Ra’anana. Some people have said that to be young and American in Jerusalem is no different from being on the Upper West Side (often running into the same people).
Even when Americans want to master Hebrew they are hampered by the fact that everyone speaks English to them. Many Israelis basically want to use you to practice their English but not much more. If your Hebrew isn’t up to snuff you won’t have much to say to your Israeli date and they will not have much to say to you because their English, though good, won’t be enough for the true self-expression necessary for a serious relationship.
Lastly, most olim in Israel end up marrying people from their own linguisitc and cultural group. That means that Anglos (Americans and other English speakers) end up marrying other Anglos. After dating a few Israelis or even Russians, you will quickly start to understand why (especially if you are a woman).
Amen to many of Trefalicious’ points.
(Although I have to say, that party mentioned in the article wasn’t bad at all. The usual smattering of freakazoids but many fun people too.)
No one’s saying that moving to Israel is the solution, especially me, since I never wanted to marry an Israeli. But I do know that I got hit on more this summer there than I did all year here in New York.
Glad to hear that the party was good. Keep us all posted as things develop on the social/singles scene over there…
Esther – Sure yo got hit on all the time in Israel. Hitting on women in teh street and in bars/clubs is what Israeli men DO.
Men here do that as well, but often they are not Jewish. It’s an issue I struggle with, too.
One guy (American living in Israel, religious) told me that he thought actively approaching woman and asking for their numbers (so as to directly ask them out on a date) was “slimy”.
Me, I am used to men directly approaching me and expect it. I think it creates problems in my dating life here in New York within teh Jewish community.
The big question is: will these Israeli men who hit on you in public pursue a serious relationship with you? Some Israeli men like to hook up/sleep with many different women, especially foreign women, as a badge of honor and studliness. And oh, Lord, don’t be physically different (blonde, Asian or Black), then you’ll REALLY get a lot of attention. But you will have to be careful that all these “suitors” are serious. I have heard stories of people saying thay will date other Jews of different ethnicities but when it comes time to get married it must be with someone of the same ethnic group in order to please their families. For real. In the 1990’s and early 2000s.
hmm Treif, interesting points.
But I don’t think Asian or black girls can help being physically different lol.
I’m asian and in NY and had a tumultuous hook up with a israeli guy, and yea you’re right. It’s like a kink factor to them. Why are they into foreign women? Just because there’s none in Israel?
Yes, that’s exactly right. Because the only Asians in Israel are foreign workers, like Philipino caregivers. And most of them have families back home that they’re sending money to.
I lived in Israel for 4 years and fell in love with an Israeli + married him. Then, once we got married, and the ‘romance’ of having made Aliyah, meeting an exotic, beautiful Israeli, wore off, I realized I married someone with completely different values and beliefs about communication, husband/wife roles, and parenting roles. Now we’re divorced (but thank god I moved back home). The cultural difference is the cause of extreme passion but also the extreme difficulties. Now, with a child, I think I’d rather have it somewhere in the middle.
Lolita,
I am Asian and I have been seeing an Israeli guy for 6 months now. He tells me he never been attracted to an Asian girl before and he’s the first Israeli person that I know.
Everyone warns me about Israeli men – I find him very attractive but not sure about the personality department. He gives me so much compliments all the time but not sure if he’s really into me for a serious relationship.
Sometimes I feel if I was an Israeli woman, it would be different…since he participates in a lot of Israel activities in NY.
My question is how are Israeli men in relationships?
Ok, what about American guys with Israeli women?? Whats the deal with dat in Israel?
“Israeli men”. hmmm… huge generalization. i’ve met all kinds. but yes, the ones that take the cake are the ones who want the ‘exotic’ (Asian, South Asian, Black) sex. kinky and fun because they’re about as homogenous as it gets in their country… talk politics, like the Filipina thing, and watch them go whacko on you! oy vey! sexist, crude, and about a 1000 years behind in all forms of politics except the macho one!