Group therapy in a blog.
Trying Not to Put the “ho” in Alcohol
In talking with a friend one night this week, she mentioned that she ordered alcohol on a recent first date. I’m no Puritan, but I was kind of surprised. I assumed that people don’t drink on first dates, because I generally don’t drink on first dates.
Men don’t seem to ask me to bars on first dates, or if they do, the bars in question are of the coffee variety. Which of course, just makes me jittery. But of the handful of “bar dates” I’ve been on, neither of us has ordered alcohol. There was one where I ordered wine and the guy ordered a diet soda. But other than that, my dates were pretty dry.
Maybe that’s why I’m still single–because I’m not drinking enough on dates. My feeling was that since alcohol makes me a little amorous, slightly loopy, and more than a little sarcastic (if of an increased vocabulary and fairly entertaining), better a first date should have a good and solid first impression of me than that I end up doing or saying something I’m not going to be happy about later. But maybe I’m going about this all wrong. Maybe I should start drinking on first dates. Or maybe, even before.
Do you have a policy about drinking or not drinking on first dates?
The invention of the Net was supposed to be the best thing for ‘mixing’ Since alcohol. And yet you’ve skipped the first part of this evolutionary sequence & advance? When is ‘since alcohol makes me a little amorous, slightly loopy, and more than a little sarcastic’ meant to be unattractive? Geez that sounds just darling to me! I can write decent scripts around that, and others have certainly! Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
I’m not in the dating scene anymore (thanks to online dating, btw), but I used to order a glass of wine with dinner whenever the first dinner date came around. Sometimes that was the first date, sometimes the third.
My reasoning was that I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. And one glass, especially with food, has never put me into a regrettable state. It was more to see the man’s reaction. Anything extreme (pushing more drinks on me or lecturing on the evils of alcohol) tipped me off to personality conflicts.
Huh. I usually have a drink on the first date, because my first dates are usually either dinner (which tends to involve a glass of wine) or drinks. I don’t like coffee dates, personally, because my dates tend to be at night, and I don’t have caffiene after noon generally, and herbal tea makes me sleepy. If it’s a bar date, I never have more than one drink, and if the guy’s clearly all wrong for me, I don’t even finish the first drink, so I can make my escape as quickly as possible without having to worry about metabolizing the drink so I can drive safely. (Hello, run-on!)
And in unrelated news, Happy Thanksgiving, m’dear. I am thankful for your friendship. I hope you have much to be thankful for. Have a wonderful holiday!
“Convential Wisdom” (i.e. Puritan) advises NO DRINKING ON DATES, but I agree with VJ on this one.
Drinking while text messaging is a great thing. If a guy still wants to meet me after reading my amourous, loopy , sarcastic messages complete with poor spelling and grammar and mixing up my “their/there” and “its/it’s”, it’s probably a good sign that he wants to get into my pants. That covers the virtual first date.
If you make it to real date, one drink is ok for most people…you are there to have FUN, it is not a job interview. (P.S. Don’t drink before or during job interviews). Personally, I have to stop after one because more could lead to stripping in the cab or worse….
On my most recent virtual relationship, things were going great with the text messaging and phone calls, a first date was set to spend Thanksgiving dinner together. Then I sent a full length photo of myself (with clothes on) and promptly got the “let’s skip Thanksgiving, let’s just be friends and I may have some friends who would love to go out with you” speech. This was a wonderful boost to my self-esteem considering I was in my skinny jeans.
Yeah, this dating stuff ain’t easy no matter what you wash it down with.
Yes, huh? The number one date question of all time is “would you like to go out for a drink [sometime]”. I think every nighttime first date that I have been on and that all of my friends have been on involved “getting a drink”. No, I dont mean water. You get a beer. A glass of wine. Not three or six. But a glass that you can nurse for a while. And, if you guys are really connecting, you can get another glass. That is pretty standard dating 101, esther. Particularly in NYC, where noone drives and there are 50 bars/lounges on every block. I’m not sure what type of guys you are dating Esther, but hell, I’m not a big drinker at all – in fact I rarely ever drink – but even I will always get a drink on that first date.
For the record, If its a daytime date, you get coffee.
Oh, and Chutzpah, just one question – don’t you think that having Thanksgiving dinner as a FIRST DATE is a bit much!?? Seriously, (and lets come around full circle on this topic), go for a drink on the first date, not turkey and cranberry sauce. I’d be pretty wigged out if someone proposed having Thanksgiving dinner as our first date. Rule number one in dating – dont have your first date with Uncle Jim and Grandama Rose along for the ride.
Dear Get Drinks,
When two non-custodial parents will not be with their children on the holiday because the vicious ex’s have the kids, Boston Market for $6.99 with all the fixings is a highly appropriate first date. I didn’t propose it, he did. Now he decides it will be too hard for him to be with anyone that day (I’ve been through holidays without my kids for 5 years, this is his first), which I understand perfectly. My first Passover without my kids I spent rocking in my rocking chair, reading the Haggadah, drinking Merlot and eating matzah in celebration of my personal freedom to choose to do that.
He said we can meet in the City another time (for coffee) which is fine…it’s the “but if we don’t hit it off I have plenty of friends that would love you” line that hurt.
Thanks for your support.
Chutzpah
Get Drinks, you wrote: “I’m not sure what type of guys you are dating Esther.”
And believe me, neither am I. I seem to bring out the coffee in people, which hasn’t so far been ideal. So maybe a change is in order.
I believe I’ll have to have a drink on my next date and see what happens.
Huzzah! A change is in order E! You too can make those drab seeming folks just a tiny bit more interesting with some drink and a few well placed questions. It’s always worth a try. And Chutzpah Boston Market is not the Thanksgiving we hope for, right? I mean even the quickies. Down here it usually meant some Cajun specialty like Turducken and gumbo, but that gent went out a few years back. We would pick up a feast for about what you’d pay BoM and eat on it for days. Ditto for our local BBQ joint who did an all day smoked turkey that was to die for. He’s gone too. Seems like the board of health wasn’t too keen on ‘real pit’ BBQ. We finally found another place that does the BBQ turkey, but for the past few years we’ve just settled for the 4 Seasons downtown. The people are really well behaved down there. And for just one day a year, it’s truly a blessing! It’s good to hear from AL too. Hang in there guys, we’re pulling for you! Cheers & Good Luck & Happy Thanksgiving! ‘VJ’, ga.
VJ,
A McDonald’s Happy Meal costs $6.00 in NYC. Where do you live, Alabama?
Chutzpah, You were talking about Boston Market. Most of the time a typical meal there for 2 is about $20 or more. I’ll pick up a wonderful fully smoked turkey in a few hours, that’ll cost me about the same. And if there’s a real difference between $16 (w/tax) vs. $20 for your holiday special there, the surplus utility of decent leftovers might take the sting out of it. Again wishing everyone a nice & peacful Holiday & Cheers, ‘VJ’
It’s not for nothing that alcohol is often referred to as “social lubricant”. Getting smashed is not a good way to make a first impression, but getting a little loopy? It can loosen inhibitions, allow for more straightforwardness, make you feel more comfortable acting like yourself. In my book, those are all good things.
-LT
I don’t usually drink on a first date, but not because of any policy against it. I did have wine with a first-date dinner once, because she asked if I would and I didnt want to appear contrary, and well, why not (and that relationship didnt end so well…)
I do like to have a drink at a singles event, though. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with one drink, or even two, spaced properly, especially with food, if you can hold it. I think it’s ok to capitalize on the inhibition-lowering properties of a judisciously utilized libation for the purposes of being more relaxed on a date.
I like Boston Market alot, you can skip the meat part I think and just get their side dishes which are very tasty and a bit less expensive.
I have only been there on 2 occassion, during my most bleak period when I was unemployed for over a year.
At any rate, I see no reason not to drink on a first date, if you enjoy drinking. I would see a wine bar as the best approach. I would order an expensive bottle of wine to share, as this is a special occassion. When I have a glass by myself, usually when I am working on the weekends in a restaraunt, I will get a cheaper wine, altho there is a kosher organic wine that i am currently bonkers over called Queen Esther, from Austria.
I know one guy who has a few tokes of some weed just before he picks the woman up, as this relaxes him tremendously.
I would probably work out a bit and medidate if I had time, certainly to some stretching exercise to free yourself.
As far as what the guy changing his mind, he is imo a retard. I have seen pictures of Chutzpah and she is absolutely stunning, and I am jealous of whoever does ‘get his hands in her pants’
Muffti has to say, most of his dating has included massive amounts of drinking (on both parties behalf), though most of his relationships came about not through dating but kind of through friendships that turned sexual as time went on. There’s clearly pros and cons; but, as a guy, Muffti can truly say that if you are a drinker, its nice ot know that your potential girlfriend or whatever likes to have some drinks to and won’t look down on you when you order your 5th beer
With any luck she’s on her 5th already and you can both laugh about it as you stumble home.
Mufti, where are you located? Montreal? I am coming up there in a few weeks. buy you a Kolch beer?
Thanks SR, but Muffti is actually a Cali boy these days. But he loves montreal. a lot. Have a great time up there!
I don’t date, for obvious reasons, but the “social lubricant” comment is correct. Sometimes one drink – and you have to be sure it just loosens you and does nothing more – makes a person less inhibited and warmer in what is typically a challenging environment.
I see no harm in having one or even two drinks on a first date, assuming the setting is appropriate. Wine with dinner? Totally normal. A beer at a bar? No big deal. Shots at the zoo? Uh… you might need to seek professional help. See what I’m saying?
Definitely have drinks. Be yourself. Not so many that you are blitzed, but enough so you are casual and comfortable and would say things that you’d ordinarily say with your friends. If the guy or girl is uncomfortable with your one drink or two drink speech or actions then you are not right for each other… unless you NEVER drink.
Oh, and you should check out http://smartsinglewomen.blogspot.com/ Interesting singles dating blog.
I used to be just like that, only getting coffee. GET A DRINK. If you like the guy and are nervous get 2 and then pass out in his hottie arms. Or just get one and be yourself and if you get loopy he can carry you home
you’re single because youre so desperate it oozes thru your skin. it doesnt matter how you look its all about attitude. be happy with yourself. guys recognize that. stop thinking youre gonna be rescued. thats a farce, a mythical theory that is keeping you down. its bullshit and if you havent realized that by now, then good god. suck it up. hit the gym. kick some ass.
Charming. I love the people who come here, read one post and psychoanalyze me. Emphasis on the psycho.
See you all soon!