Group therapy in a blog.
Esther Kustanowitz
This user hasn't shared any profile information
Home page: http://estherk.com
Jabber/GTalk: admin
Posts by Esther Kustanowitz
Fake Jewess Rides JDate to Closure
118 years
We hear a lot about non-Jews using Jdate to seek out Jewish dates. One more recent post is over at the JTA, actually not written by me. (As the descendants of the Marx Brothers and Woody Allen, we’re not sure why anyone would want to be part of the club that would have us as members, but…) But here’s a new spin, as someone named Fake Jewess writes in the Jerusalem Post about falling in love with a Jewish guy. They’re together, they’re magic, and then they’re over:
We had an awful fight. We said awful things. I cried every day for weeks, until he called. He sounded meek, not the blustering, brainy jokester I knew. “I miss you,” he said. “Me too.” We agreed to be friends. And with some prescience, I made him swear he would be the one to tell me when and if he got married.
Being “just friends” was rough. He scrutinized me for flaws, determined to find them. (I sometimes made this very easy for him.) “You and I are not viable,” he wrote tersely. Soon, we were no longer talking.
Selfishly, I could only think of how achingly I missed him. He had once told me that he used JDate to meet women. I began checking the site to see if any profile rang a bell. It wasn’t long before I recognized him. Oh, he had fudged some facts, but I would know him anywhere, my Jewish Guy.
I had to talk to him. But I was afraid, as “not viable” me. So I created a JDate profile.
What happens next is actually a surprisingly touching story of how love gone wrong remains a mystery and can eat at our curiosity, and the lengths we go to to learn the sources of our disappointment. Not everything has a rom-com ending. And maybe that’s ok.
LAist Joins JDate
418 years
I’m kind of surprised that Gothamist didn’t think of this first, but LAist has joined JDate…or at least one of their writers does. Calling herself Jewgirl, one of their writers submits to JDate membership as writing and dating experiment:
I’m not necessarily looking for “the oneâ€Â, but certainly someone who is nice and cute and funny. That’s not too much to ask for, right? I mean, if they happen to be nice, cute, funny, tattooed, artistic AND Jewish, all the better…
I guess she thinks these are realistic expectations. And maybe they are. And I applaud her decision to keep her own identity–and the identities of the men she has dates with–anonymous. As you know, I’m a firm believer in “just because he’s not for me doesn’t mean he’s not for someone,” and keeping it all anonymous helps us all stay positive, and not drag anyone’s reputation unnecessarily through the dating mud.
I also have questions: how long do you think it will be until she goes out with Evan? Or will she use E-Cyrano’s services to help improve her profile? Does she know Hilary? Does being Jewish really matter to her, or is it just a parental preference she’d like to satisfy?
Whatever the answers, I hope she has better luck than most of the others of us who have dated and documented our efforts. May she experience some great men who give us all reasons to believe that there are others–maybe even non-tattooed ones–out there.
This Post Only Looks Unrelated
018 years
It looks like this post reveals the geek side of me, since it unites two geek-guilty pleasures, Conan and Star Wars. But if you view the video before, and wait for the last character to be introduced, you may put A and B together and remember, as I did, that there’s at least ONE (and let’s face it, probably more than one) JDate guy who uses that character’s name as his screen name.
Welcome to “Women’s Town”
718 years
It’s like Girls’ Night Out, but one step (or 12 steps) further…
The Chinese government, ever on the watch for how to enhance tourism to a country that was for centuries known as the one where the women bind their feet and where girl babies had less of a chance at survival in the male-dominated culture, seems to have found a theme park angle as yet unexplored by the Disney Corporation. As reported by Reuters:
Chinese tourism authorities are seeking investment to build a novel concept attraction — the world’s first “women’s town,” where men get punished for disobedience, an official said Thursday. The 2.3-square-km Longshuihu village in the Shuangqiao district of Chongqing municipality, also known as “women’s town,” was based on the local traditional concept of “women rule and men obey,” a tourism official told Reuters.
[…] The motto of the new town would be “women never make mistakes, and men can never refuse women’s requests,” Chinese media have reported. When tour groups enter the town, female tourists would play the dominant role when shopping or choosing a place to stay, and a disobedient man would be punished by “kneeling on an uneven board” or washing dishes in restaurant, media reports said.
At the risk of inflaming my male readers and inciting my female readers into a feeding frenzy, I wonder if there might be anything to creating a place that is constructed as a women-governed area, at least as a place where women are, by law, elevated to equality or superiority over men. Most men and women acknowledge the need to bond with their friends–heterosexual men may do it over beers or Monday night football, heterosexual women might do it over margaritas and Sex and the City marathons; lesbians might seek out a bar environment where they show the L-Word on large screens, while gay men might also enjoy margaritas over Sex and the City marathons. (Of course, I’m not saying only straight people like certain things and only gay people like certain things, so back off, people. I’m not stereotyping, I’m illustrating.) But the point is, sometimes it’s just important to spend time with other people like you.
This women’s town isn’t that exactly, it’s more theme parky, which I’m not sure I’m loving. And instead of correcting an imbalance in the power structure between men and women it goes the other way, creating an imbalance of an inverse proportion–there’s still superiority of one gender over another more submissive one, instead of declaring that all human beings are created equal. Maybe the Chinese know their audience a little better than I do–perhaps they’re aware that such equality or superiority can only exist within theme park boundaries, but perhaps there’s something to carving out gender-specific space in our lives.
SSoTM Makes Good: Josh Bernstein in the NY Times
4518 years
According to this article in the NY Times, quasi-archeologist/explorer (and charter Single Semite of the Month) Josh Bernstein attracted a record number of women to a recent fireside chat at the Explorers’ Club, where he talked about his travels and adventures.
Mr. Bernstein, 36, is an anthropologist and Cornell graduate. He is the host of a program that explores mysteries like the lost cities of Atlantis and El Dorado. He travels to location by camel or paraglider or with oxygen tanks and flippers, sometimes braving natural disasters and parasites. Last Monday, during his finale on the History Channel, Mr. Bernstein explored Aztec civilization and human sacrifice.
Yes, a true and bold explorer. But has he been brave enough to try the Jewish singles scene? Talk about natural disasters, parasites and human sacrifice…
Anyway, congratulations to our SSoTM. Since the second SSoTM has also recently been in the NY Times I can only scientifically conclude that being a SSoTM makes you even more famous. So apply today!
An Honor to Be Nominated
018 years
I thought I hadn’t been nominated, and then, there it was: JDaters Anonymous was on the list of Jewish and Israel Blog award nominees for Best Humor Blog. On a list of 25 others. So, needless to say, I don’t expect to win, especially in light of Michael’s Theory of Humor Blogs. Still, it would be nice and validating to have some votes at the end of the first round.
If you feel like it, might I also recommend Jewlicious, which is nominated in several categories, and FOJDAs The Kvetcher, Robbie, AbacaxiMamao, Jewbiquitous, JSpot, and of course, Kosher Eucharist, which is probably disdainful of the nominations to begin with. Take a look and see what you’re feelin’.
High Cost of Jewish Dating
3618 years
I just got an email from Jdate warning me that their rates are going up:
On April 26, for the first time in nearly 3 years, we will increase the price of a 1-month JDate subscription. As a result, you have until midnight Wednesday, April 25, to lock-in JDate’s lowest available 1-month rate. If you wait until Thursday morning, you will be too late. Each year, thousands and thousands of singles meet their soulmates on JDate and we want you to have an opportunity to do the same.
Here are the details: The new price will be $39.99. If you act now, not only will you save $5 on your first month’s subscription but you will also secure the low guaranteed renewal rate for as long as you remain a paying subscriber! For an even better value, purchase one of our 3- or 6-month subscriptions today.
So, what’s a single gal to do? Buy into the system, even though it never worked for her in the past and it’s now ever more expensive, and knowing full well that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Or eschew the very idea of paying JDate any more money, knowing full well that Murphy’s Law states that as I make that decision, my bashert will be signing up for his three-month stint to take advantage of the $5/month savings?
Either way, someone’s going to tell me I’m making the wrong choice. The question is, will the voices be internal or external?
Jewish Sex Study Underway
118 years
According to this Jerusalem Post article, a new online survey (which means, “a survey that blog readers knew about months ago”) “poses some 50 questions intended to gather quantitative and qualitative data on the practices of singles and married couples. Participants are asked to respond to statements that include: I am satisfied with my spouse as a sexual partner; After sex I feel relaxed, fulfilled; I have good communication with my spouse about sex.”
How does religious affiliation impact the answers? Glad you asked, because the survey asks too:
Respondents are also asked about their religious affiliations and beliefs, including whether: God intended sex to be only for procreation; within marriage, participation in sexual activities solely for pleasure is a sin; within marriage, participation in sexual activities other than penile vaginal intercourse, such as oral sex, would not be approved of by God; and within marriage, sexuality is a gift of God and as such should be enjoyed.
2000 responses have already been received, and the poll’s investigators are accepting responses until June, when they’ll start to analyze the data. Hopefully, it will yield some interesting data about the way observant (and non-observant) Jews view sex. (Mostly online. Just kidding.)
Of course it’s tempting to try to parody news like this, perhaps adding statements like “I am most satisfied with my partner after he has graduated from medical school,” or “I feel relaxed after my mother-in-law leaves.” But the reality is, a study like this one is seriously needed, because there are many observant Jews who don’t know how to integrate sexuality into a life view that places a premium on modesty. As the article puts it, “Part of the problem is that educators, physicians and rabbis are not sure how to address the subject and instead opt for silence.” And we all know that silence is never a good plan. (Unless you’re meditating. But who can stay quiet so long without giggling? It’s really not fair to ask. I mean, we’re only human, which is entirely the point of the survey.)
Anyway, the article reports only that the study is happening now. The moment of truth will be when the study has been completed, the results have been released, the community has reacted, and changes are in motion to create a community that’s more informed of current practices and aware of themselves. Maybe it will also help tomorrow’s religious singles to be less awkward in social situations. One can only hope.
Awards Season: Here Come the JIBs
418 years
Nominations for the Jewish and Israel Blog Awards (JIBs) are open until Thursday, with wacky new categories, some nominees listed with a warning (“some mature content”; “adult-oriented blog”; and in one case “MATURE content”) and a rolling nomination process. Plus a congratulatory blogfamily shout-out to Best New Blog nominee and Jewlicious blogson OyBay!
As usual, some of the categories and nominees in each category raise a few eyebrows, as does the denotation of several blogs as being not for kids. As “MATURE content” himself notes:
The most amusing thing about this situation is that Pillage Idiot is listed at the JIB award site with the warning “MATURE Content” next to it. If you’ve ever seen my Pillage Idiot Advisory System, you’ll know that my content isn’t mature — it’s immature.
Isn’t that always the case…
Got a question about their methodology? Contact members of the committee, who for some reason are still eligible for nomination.
So go on over, see if your favorites are there, and if not, you know what to do. Also, while you’re there, check out some interesting blogs you’ve never heard of before, because the JIBs have always aimed to be more than a self-congratulatory effort.
Step Right Up: Metaphors and Similes
818 years
I know it’s been a while since English class, so here’s a review. A simile is a comparison between two things using “like” or “as.” For instance, if you were to say “I was soaring like an eagle,” that’s a simile. A metaphor drops the “like” or “as” and creates a direct comparison: “I was an eagle, soaring above the crowds.”
Dating is hell. Dating is a circus. Dating is like shopping for swimsuits. Dating is like a day at the races. Dating is like a seder or repentance. (Oops, I’ve done those already.) Metaphors or similes, I don’t care, step up and pitch them here.
If you need examples or inspiration, check this recent column, “Dating is Like…”
Plus, your scrolling bonus, this week’s column (“The Seder and the Black Swan“) extra early…