Group therapy in a blog.
“Driving the Jewish Men Away”
Remember this post, about “Open Space: That Question Again”? Good times. Now there’s a comment that requires your comments. So try to come at it with an open mind…
“With American Jewish men brought up from the earliest age to pair up with Jewish women and still so many choose non Jewish mates perhaps Jewish women must reflect on what they might be doing to drive these men away.”
For one, I know that my sense of humor is intimidating to men and women alike. So I’m going to try to be less entertaining from now on. It will be an effort, but I’ll do it for the birthrate.
What else can we Jewish women do to not scare Jewish men away? And while we’re making concessions, should Jewish men give us anything in return?
Tell me this is tongue in cheek. Because otherwise, I’m not loving this, Esther. It’s like you are blaming the “victim” for the crime. In fact, this is borderline misogynistic. Jewish women should be who they are.
Jewish women should stop being so damned smart and funny. Stop making people laugh, stop making people think, you know. The whole package makes Jewish men run screaming, because…
Hmmm.
I may be approaching this too simplistically, but my thought is: you want Jewish kids? So have kids. Make sure your partner, whoever it is, agrees absolutely before anyone gets preggers that the Children Will Be Jews. Put it in the pre-nup, if you have to. (can you tell I’m a heartless romantic?) I come from a whole pack of intermarriages, and there are more Jews (and more practicing Jews!) in my generation than in my grandparents’ generation, so I’m not so concerned. I’m frankly more concerned about keeping ALL population growth to a minimum so we don’t crowd each other off the damned planet while we’re waiting for moshiach.
Jesus-Esther, you know how I feel about this. That comment doesn’t even warrant a response any more than “(insert any old ethnic group here)s are (insert negative label here). Ridiculous. Keep making us laugh please.
“Jewish women should stop being so damned smart and funny. Stop making people laugh, stop making people think, you know. The whole package makes Jewish men run screaming, because…” There’s never enough of them to go around. Really. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
Yes, there is no corrolation – just happens that the pool of nonjewish women is much higher than the pool of jewish women. For a jewish guy who is secular and doesnt care too much about leading a religious lifestyle, the odds are he will meet a nonjewish woman. Its just about odds.
Though i have heard from a few jewish guys that they believe that jewish women place greater value on their financial abilities (or lack thereof), and so nonjewish women are less pressuring in that way.
A peculiar blindness of the Chosen People: you don’t see the ones you reject, because they’re non-people to you. You DO see the ones who reject YOU, because they matter to you. And yes, Jewish women do care more about achievement in their men, perhaps as a legacy of our not-so-long-ago immigrant ancestors.
[…] “Driving the Jewish Men Away†…women and still so many choose non Jewish mates perhaps Jewish women must reflect on what they might be doing to drive these men away. […]
I think the reason why many Jewish men decide to marry non-Jewish women is the following. Jewish men have a well earned reputation for being devoted and loyal husbands. A gentile woman who is surrounded by a bunch of goyim will jump at the chance to marry a Jewish man, because she knows that a Jewish man will treat her a thousand times better than a non-Jewish man. The gentile woman will therefore do everything in her power to marry a Jewish man. And once she has married him, she will do everything in her power to try and keep him, because the alternative is far worse.
A Jewish girl on the other hand is frequently surrounded by other Jewish men. That being the case, there is not too much to recommend one man over all the others. Therefore she is not going to bend over backwards to marry a Jewish man. The Jewish man that is going to win her heart will have to live up to a very high set of expectations indeed.
A Jewish man who ultimately is seeking a sweet and forgiving wife, will therefore frequently choose to marry a submissive gentile woman, than her demanding Jewish peeress.
Same shit. Different ethnic group.
I find a sense of humor and intelligence are the two biggest turn-ons when I meet a woman. And yes I’m Jewish and looking for a Jewish woman… but then again I’m a comedian so obviously a sense of humor’s important to me. (and I’m not someone who’d feel threatened by a funny woman because I have no worries she’ll out-humor me).
I don’t think Jewish women are driving me away. I do think they’re hiding…
Shaun Eli
http://www.BrainChampagne.com
i.m originaly jewish ..but my grand fathers converted long time a go ..the problim is i always fall for jewish guys …&they fall for me ..but cuz i.m not jewsih any more they fiend it a problim for us o be together ..hoping that mre jewish men can actualy date non jewish women easily !!
[…] United States, people will study at universities abroad. (And if those friends of mine cannot find a nice, Jewish girl in New York, then they will look for one in Jerusalem.) If countries do not adapt, then they will […]
The male intermarriage rate is only slightly higher than the female intermarriage rate. “Younger Jewish women’s rates of intermarriage are almost identical to those of men.”
http://www.jcpa.org/cjc/cjc-fishman-f05.htm
I suppose that Jewish men who date outside the faith do it for the same reason, AND AT THE SAME RATE, as Jewish women who date non-Jewish men: having a 100% Jewish household isn’t important to them. If a non-Jew has good qualities and is fun to be around, why shouldn’t a relationship take place if religion isn’t important?
(Note: Having a Jewish household is important to me. Being comfortable with my wife’s family is important too. Thus, I only date Jewish women.)
More statistical corroboration of the fact that as many women intermarry as men. These data are from the 1970s, but they show a trend of increasing female intermarriage.
“For many years we have assumed on the basis of many studies that more Jewish males than females marry non-Jews. This hypothesis can no longer be justified. In a survey released by the Rabbinic Center on July 1st, over four hundred mixed marriages over a period of ten years were analyzed. For the years 1962-1966, the male-female ratio is three to one. For the years 1967-1969, the male-female ratio is nine to eight. Significantly, for the years 1970-1971, the ratio is two males for every three females. “
http://www.rcrconline.org/resourc3.htm
both Jewish men and women have a habit of driving each other away. they each find something wrong with the opposite sex based on media portrayals and JDate nightmares. not everyone is as they seem, but unfortunately we live in a world where every ethnic/religious group is parodied and so we assume that people who fit into [insert religious/ethnic group here] must be like that. Jewish men and women know that the opposite sex isn’t as bad as they appear or act, yet they still shy away from dating each other because they worry about dating a real-life stereotype.
as far as why Jewish men and women interdate, i disagree with Sam. i don’t think they all do it because having a 100% jewish home isn’t important to them. people do things for a variety of reasons. in the case of interfaith relationships, the other person’s religion (or lack of) often has nothing to do with why the Jewish partner fell in love with them. on the other hand, it might have something to do with why a non-Jew falls in love with a Jew. they see Judaism as very family-oriented and philosophical, and Jews as very hard-working, caring people. in some cases, the non-Jew converts (non-Jewish women are more likely to convert than non-Jewish men, according to Barack Fishman’s study, because women are more spiritual than men and because the woman dictates the religious upbringing of the children). as for myself, having a Jewish home is important to me but so is marrying someone who makes me happy, has similar values and interests, and can provide for me. that guy may not be Jewish. but only time will tell.
I think in the case of secular Jewish people, it isn’t a question of “why intermarriage?” it’s more a question of “why intramarriage?” If Judaism isn’t that big a part of your identity, why _not_ go out with a non-Jew if you have lots of other things in common. Hey, sometimes even religious people interdate.
Anyway, I was just responding to the contention that it’s men who are being “driven away” and not women. It is a fact though that male-female intermarriage rates are the same. As many women are being “driven away” as are men.
Frankly, I am sick of Jewish women. I was married to one for 14 years, had 3 children, and still wound up getting thrown out when she saw I would be successful enough to run 2 households (mine and hers). I’ve been on J-date and met some of the most stuck up, miserable old hens you can imagine, which only exemplified the stereotype of jewish women. For my part, I will take a shiksa any day. On the whole (and in my experience) they are far more demure, compromising, and better in bed than any jewish woman. To hec with Jewish women…Doing the “right thing” by marrying one all those years ago has cost me double digits each month in alimony and child support while she sits at home and works out and goes to Starbucks!!!
I’m a christian dating a wonderful Jewish guy …he’s so done with his jewish wife…trying to understand jewish men! He’s awesome..not understanding why he might be interested in me..said he was attracted to me immediately…I’m easy going..idk..suggestions? comments?
Sam is right. If leading a jewish life and having a jewish home isnt high on your list of priorities, then one shouldnt care whether ones spouse is jewish or not. Indeed, there are so many non-jews out there, why would you want to limit your pool? And thats why intermarraige is so high. When I was single, i met and made some great connections with people from work, school, etc who werent jewish. If I didnt care about a jewish life, then I easily could have ended up with one of them.
Though i do have ask about the stereotype. I have heard from a couple jewish guys that the big thing now is (or has been for a while)…Asian women. Reason told – they are bright, educated and ambitious like jewish women, but a hell of alot less domineering or demanding (and usually thin, the way these guys like em). I guess the best thing for jewish women would be a stricter immigartion policy…..
How many Jewish women out there are looking for a doctor or a lawyer? How many Jewish women would turn up there noses at a potential Jewish mate who is a teacher or social worker? It is a matter of status and wealth.
Wow talk about stereotyping. Elliot- Why count out a entire religion worth of women? Why not just assume it’s women on jdate (not women in general, or more likely the type of women you choose to pursue? There are crappy jewish women just as there are sub-par shiksas, and poor quality men of all backgrounds. I think it’s disturbing the so many men assume their issues with women are as simple as them not making enough money or that a particular group of women is defective (Amos’ comment on the desire for doctors and lawyers for example). It’s easy to pass the buck. Lots of women out there could care less about financial status (yes, even jewish ones). Perhaps it’s just a convenient way to account for lack of success with women. “She just didn’t want me because I’m not a doctor or I don’t make enough money etc.”
More likely than not the higher rates of intermarriage have to do with the greater amount of time jews now spend will their non jewish counterparts. As a reform jew who has been dating an episcopalian for a few years now I can concur with Sam that it’s simply because he’s a quality individual that can make me laugh and not because of any disdain for dating within the tribe. Never went out looking for a non-jew. Never dated someone outside the faith before. Frankly there was alot of soul searching at the time.
READ THIS CAREFULLY NOW
What is the intermarriage rate in the United States for Jews? 50%? 60%?
Ok, now, suppose Jewish people were NOT pre-disposed to marry within the faith. Suppose Jewish people chose people of any faith, randomly, to marry.
Jews are less than 3% of the population. If we were NOT pre-disposed to marry within the faith, the likelihood that a Jew would chose someone Jewish to marry would be less than 3%! That’s a 97% inter-marriage rate!
For any group that is less than 3% of the population to have an intermarriage rate hovering around 50% is astounding – it is an astoundingly HIGH INTRA-MARRIAGE RATE!!!!
You know, as time as gone on, I’ve come to question the basis for the whole “Jewish women are driving away Jewish men” statement even more intensely.
My girlfriend has lots of Jewish female friends. Of my gf’s circle of friends, she’s the only one dating a Jewish guy (me), the rest are with Christians/no-religions. One (hot) Jewish friend of my gf is having a church wedding and has agreed to raise the kids as Christians. (??? what the others plan to do for their kids).
My sister has a non-Jewish boyfriend. The only Jewish friend I have from hs has a non-Jewish boyfriend.
It’s ridiculous to blame the intermarriage phenomenon on just men. Statistics and anecdotes tell us that men must be doing just as much to “drive away” Jewish women as women are doing to “drive away” Jewish men.
Just look at the Profiles on JDate.com
I want a professional guy, who is well established, (Translations has lots of money so I do not have to work to hard or not at all) Is accomplished, Dr. or Lawyers only, (for the prestige, Slim and works out, ( so I can show him off as my boy toy and he should be good in bed) and loves to travel ( so he can take me where ever I want to go) Over 80% of the profiles have something like this.
This is why Jewish men hate Jewish women.
I recently picked up a Hot Jewish girl for a date. We were fixed up. I have a new LUXURY car, but it was being service and the gave me a loaner car. She said how could you pick me up in a car like this? ( IT was small brand new ) but not for her. Then when she told me I did not life in the right part of the City ( where the rich people live) and I should move if we are going to go out.
You think this is funny. This is sad. What happened to good people with good hearts that are kind and caring?
They just want o have there —- played with.
Judaism itself is unaccepting of childless Jewish men above a certain age, and relatively unsupportive of singles in general. Most synagogues don’t want them; they are directed to some “singles synagogue”, if one exists, as if they belong in a ghetto or quarantine. If Jewish communities are serious about helping older Jewish women connect with older Jewish men (mutually), they must be more welcoming of them into their communities, and not treat them as though they don’t belong.
I find all of these comments very interesting. As a woman of the Christian faith who loves Jewish men (and have Jewish blood myself), I have been fascinated by this entire subject for many reasons. The main reason is because the most intensely loving and romantic relationship that I had ever had was destroyed in part because of his family’s bigotry against me because of my religion. He was torn between our love, and the insistence from his mother and female relatives that insisted he find and marry a Jewish woman. We carried on for as long as we could, stealing days and nights of love and joy whenever we could. Despite the fact that he never married or had kids, and I did have the experience of marriage and children, and that he is approaching the age of fifty, his family is more concerned about the religious and cultural heritage of his girlfriend instead of his love for her.
He has told me that he never dated a jewish woman, and that he isn’t attracted to jewish women. I don’t understand that at all, because I can’t imagine anyone eliminating a significant segment of their sphere of influence from the dating pool based on race, culture, or religion. I just don’t get it. I have noticed that a larger percentage of jewish men are bachelors/never married/no kids, than I have from the population at large. I think there are real reasons for this, and I am saddened by it for their sake. I would challenge my family if they ever pressured me to avoid dating jewish men, but they wouldn’t dare. I wouldn’t tolerate it. I am actually disinvited to their family events because of my religion! Ultimately, this wonderful man is the one who will suffer from a lonelier existence, never having the joy of a family and children of his own because he is trying to have it both ways — appease his family and carry on with his own life. I think it is so sad, and I would encourage everyone to elevate love and happiness over all else, and doing so in a way that is compassionate and understanding.
AlanZ, just wanted to respond to something you said about the (clearly superficial and not representative) woman you went out with who made comments about your car. What about her profile did you find attractive, other than her hotness? I don’t mean this as harshly as it sounds, because obviously I don’t know either one of you, but if your primary attraction to her was superficial, perhaps her acceptance of the date with you was also on a superficial level?
I don’t think most Jewish women I know are like that. I mean, I like a man to be employed, or at least looking to be employed so he can contribute to a household, but I could care less what kind of car he drives. Most of my friends feel the same. They might be momentarily blinded by a flashy car and interpret it as attraction, but it’s just a shiny object: there has to be substance behind it, or they’re not interested. I’d be interested in hearing as to whether this has been your experience with every Jewish woman or just with the one…
Sam, I think the communal approach to Jewish singles of any age could use some work. What I’ve seen happen is that the singles themselves get fed up and either go elsewhere or form their own groups, mobilizing to create a community where none exists. This doesn’t work in every geographical region of course, but you may want to give it a try, starting online at first and then branching out once you’ve reached a critical mass (whatever that means to you). Or you could do a small gathering at someone’s house and ask each of them to bring someone in the age/marital demographic. These are not cures, or magical, or terribly inventive, but the person-to-person is important…
Barbara, I do want to marry a Jewish partner–the kind of life I have imagined for myself and any children that I hope I may merit to have is an intensely, unapologetically, content- and Jewish observance-filled Jewish life. But as I age, I have to consider the alternatives, I think.
It’s not wrong to want love, and although I understand the desire to find it in someone, anyone who can help you live a life of love and commitment, I also understand the generational concern over Jewish continuity, intermarriage and assimilation.
So I guess what I’m saying is that I am sorry for the pain that your friend’s family is causing him, and for the discomfort they’re causing you. They want what they think is best for their son and for the Jewish future. It’s a heavy burden to bear, and at some point a parent should probably just let go of his or her expectations and really listen to their child’s concerns and desires. But not all of them do. It’s unfortunate, and I think you’re right that such situations should definitely be dealt with more compassionately.
I am a shishka goddess and I love it. I have had relationships with Jewish men who are married and single. They are fantastic in bed, intelligent and great conversationalists. When your Jewish husband comes home late – it is usually because they spent their evening with me (even though they are telling you they are working very hard). Jewish women who question why Jewish men don’t want them should stop questioning and whinning about it. Suck it up Princesses!! Take a look at your shishka goddesses and then go back to eating your bon bons.
amen sista!!!!!
Esther-
you couldn’t have said it better. as we get older, it becomes increasingly more difficult to find suitable partners (preferably within the same religious group). finding a Jewish mate is important, but so is personal happiness. it can be a heavy burden balancing the desire for continuity (and to appease our relatives) and the desire for love and joy. sometimes, people who share our religion don’t make us happy (i’ve said this a bunch of times, but it’s not that i don’t want to date Jewish men…it’s that i don’t want to date Jewish men that have nothing in common with me). this doesn’t mean that intermarrying will necessarily make us (or our relatives) happy either, but we shouldn’t look solely to what religion a person is in order to decide whether or not we can be with them. religion is one fraction of a person overall.
given the increasing amount of singles within the J-community, i think the community as a whole would fare better to listen to their concerns rather than berate them for still flying solo. i agree, it’s unfortunate when parents are more concerned with whether someone is Jewish than whether someone makes their kids happy and can love them unconditionally. typically, the first question parents ask when a new relationship is mentioned is “are they Jewish?”. perhaps this question should come after “do they make you happy?”.
I’m a little late to the conversation – found this by accident – but the (generalized) truth is: non-jewish women (especially asians) like jewish men because they think they make great partners. yes – they make great partners BECAUSE they were raised by jewish women. intelligent, funny, strong, independent jewish women. the mixed children do not turn out the same way. jewish men: a jewish woman doesn’t just do a good job at raising jewish men who respect women, they also do a good job at raising jewish men who will respect you. with your non-jewish wife, you are raising men who will not be of the same character as you. this has nothing to do with race or religion, but with socio-cultural standards that you are giving up because you are young and can’t yet deal with a woman who reminds you of your mother. as time goes by, that is exactly what you will want.
I am a single Jewish man, who has lived in NY, LA and Asia. I am 42 years old and brought my 27 year old gf to meet my parents and family. She speaks 5 languages, has an MBA and being from Taiwan can come to USA on her own Visa. I will marry her because Jewish women have driven me away with their lame attitude. My family is crazy about my gf because she is everything I’ve never seen in a Jewish girl, sweet, affectionate, supportive and ok with an age difference. I know deep down that all those spinsters in training on Jdate single and in their late 30’s or 40’s were once hot 20 somethings with an attitude problem who probbaly turned away that “nice guy” in the dorm, or who thought a guy over 40 “wouldn’t be cool to date” I laugh every time I walk by them with my gorgeous asian GF….I pity the poor foll who marries one of them….
Leconte –
You make a good point in saying that Jewish men make good partners because they were raised by strong jewish women. But there are several other factors playing into why jewish men are turning away from jewish gals. First of all, these strong jewish women often make for awful wives. My mom is an amazing woman who has always done everything to make me happy. Unfortunately, she like my father is alone and miserable (divorced). My Mom is a strongly minded career women, so between that and spoiling her children, she had no time or care for my father. My father would come home from work after a 12 hour day to an unaffectionate wife, besides her lack of time, Im not sure if she truly loved him, you see he is a Dr, and her mother said she needed to marry one of those. You see where I am going with this? To make things worse, we are now another generation removed, and Jewish girls are even more independant, unattentive, and frankly, too oftenly shallow. A jewish boy who is not a Dr or a lawyer, dreads the “interview” we get from jewish girls, we can hear what your thinking. Admit it or not, but along with having an uncanny inclination to complain, jewish woman seem to looking to see all your weaknesses in an attempt at mating evaluation. Even if we get pass the first phase and start dating, then we are often not good enough for her family, because our financial future is less than secure, its really all quite emasculating. Now believe it or not, us jewish boys would love to marry a hot woman, you know, someone we are physically attracted to. Now try finding a hot jewish girl who is not spoiled that is willing to date someone less than a Dr. or whatever. Of course there are some hot jewish girls out there that would fit this bill, but believe me, they are rare. Say you find one, now they have to like you back, and then their family has to approve. So to a guy like me who is attempting to marry jewish, how long do we hold out for hoping to get lucky? How many sweet beautiful, loving shixas do we have to pass up on in an attempt to not “sell-out” our jewishness and keep our mothers happy. Now say you find one, guess what? Jews now have the highest divorce rates of any religious group in America, and guess who is usually filing for divorce? Yup, the woman is. From my own experience observing my mom and her group of jewish divorcees, it has a lot do with money. They talk about who got how large of a settlement, they get to keep the kids, the house, alimony etc. And when so many women choose their spouse to some degree on his status, once they have the kids, house, and the option to take half, no wonder these strong independant women want out.
People have mentioned that we dont like your strong personalities and sense of humor, they are dead wrong, we would love to have that, its just all the other BS that goes along with it. Yes, us boys spoiled by our jewish mothers do want to get doted upon occasionally, have a meal cooked occasionally, and want to be loved for who we are, not what we are. So in a way, to totally counter your point, it is our mothers that kind of make it impossible for today’s american jewish girl to make us happy (if we can find one). You see we were all essentially spoiled as children, and the jewish girls i grew up with and got their BMW’s at 16 want to continue getting spoiled, and have little inclinination to return the favor.
Ok, Im done with my rant now, but I wanted you to see how dismal the prospect of marrying a jewish woman seems. Personally, I am almost 30, and am looking to get married sometime soon. I will continue to look for my JAP, but at some point if I dont meet a jewish girl I would look forward to living the rest of my life with soon, Im gonna “throw in the towel” and find me a nice shixa willing to convert. Im sorry, but my own happiness is kind of important to me.
And remember! I am not saying all jewish girls fit this profile, but sadly, most do, and thats why there is so much intermarriage today. Combine that with the divorce rates of the jewish couples that do end up together, and there you have it.
Lastly, why the Asian women? They share similar values of family and education, but Asian culture has one major difference, they acknowledge that a healthy marriage means they need to make the effort to make their man happy, to prop them up instead of the suddel emasculation we often get from our jewish girls and their families. And of course we in turn will be good to them, because of how we were raised by our wonderful jewish mothers!
I am a mid fifties latin christian woman who met a wonderful Jewish man when I was married. If I would have had the guts I would have left my verbally abusive latin husband, but because I was raised in a culture where women are submissive to their husbands I stayed. I would love to meet another Jewish man to share my life with. I follow my christian faith and I realize how important faith is in some cultures, such as mine, but I don’t believe in allowing my faith to dictate who I should love.
To all the Jewish mother’s congratulations on raising some wonderful men.
italian
same story
get some guts
find a great jewish man
As to the comment by “Gonzo” (from December 20, 2008), I think it’s pretty clear that being the obvious misogynistic loser that he is, that a self-hating, white-guy-trophy-seeking, considerably younger asian woman was all that he could get. But if he prefers to say that she was in fact his desired choice, well so be it.
What he said is very telling as to what a sexist, bitter person he is:
he’s 42, she was 27 (15 year age difference)
he said : “(all) Jewish women are lame”
he said: “she’s ok with a (15 year) age difference” (…the implication being that Jewish women are NOT O.K. with this age difference …..ah, so I guess Jewish women are “bad” if they won’t date a considerably older man like yourself??!!!!
He describes these single Jewish women as “spinsters”. Clearly he uses this word out of “hate” for these women…as a way to “insult” them.
He talks about how many of these still-single Jewish women were probably once “hot 20 somethings” who probably turned guys down all the time because they thought it wouldn’t be “cool” to date a guy (like himself) that’s over 40.
So clearly this loser feels a lot of resentment….resentment because the considerably younger women he obviously had been targetting, had no interest in him.
So he finally finds an Asian (traditionally subservient and known to want a white man at any cost) woman, and one that is 15 years younger than him at that, and he thinks he should be “proud” of this supposed coup?
What an ignorant, sexist, hypocritical misogynist. I hope you and your little “asian bride” are happy. I’m sure YOU’LL be happy, but it’s only a matter of time before she realizes she can do much better and she leaves you.
The Jewish men I see tell me that they like non-Jewish women because the sex is better/more frequent and the women are more supportive/less financially demanding. I certainly don’t consider all Jewish men to be created equal, but I have a tendency to prefer their company over other cultures.
I’m very late to this conversation, and I’m sort of surprised at the extreme generalization in here.
The truth of the matter is that I am rarely attracted to Jewish men, but not because I care about how much money they make! Doctors and lawyers make money and have status, sure, but I’d rather date a teacher, social worker, or academic any day, because I find that I have more in common with them. (I’m an academic.)
Yes, my ideal man would be Jewish, but the chances of finding a guy who is kind, funny, intellectually curious, physically fit, interested in me, AND is Jewish is clearly small. (No, requiring physical fitness is not shallow – it’s a lifestyle choice. I’m extremely active, and want someone with a similar lifestyle.) Something has to give, and the only part of that that isn’t involved in attraction is the religion. I’ll let that part slide.
Susie, There are Jewish men who are kind, funny, curious & physically fit. The missing ingredient I imagine is the ‘interested in me’ & ‘available’ bit, and I imagine the ‘physically fit’ part for those who may immediately want to approach you. It’s also an age graded thing too. The older you are the lesser chances there are that they’re going to meet standard definitions of ‘physically fit’. But it’s my thought that folks should get down to just the essentials when they’re seriously searching for a mate. For many women, this simply almost never means just 3-4 ‘serious search criteria’. They’ve also got to want & like kids. Be kind & acceptable to in-laws & the rest of the family. Be ‘accomplished’ & not have any glaring psychological flaws, addictions or costly bad habits. So really ‘physically fit’ is, yes, something nice to have, but it’s seldom the real deal breaker. You want it to be so perhaps, but you’re probably overlooking a larger populations of ‘possibles’. But you like what you like. Perhaps in a few years you’ll like something slightly different too. Who knows? Cheers, ‘VJ’
Wow!
I had no idea that Jewish women were so insecure that they need to repeat to themselves that they are smart, funny and curvaceous and strong willed AND that is why their man want gentile women!?!
Just the sheer female strengh pushes them away.
That is exactly the SAME argument that black women make for white women AND the same argument in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and the same argument by Hispanic women ( well, I assume this one)
It is actually much simpler- SEX APPEAL!
You just don’t have it. Sorry.
“I am a single Jewish man, who has lived in NY, LA and Asia. I am 42 years old and brought my 27 year old gf to meet my parents and family. She speaks 5 languages, has an MBA and being from Taiwan can come to USA on her own Visa. I will marry her because Jewish women have driven me away with their lame attitude. My family is crazy about my gf because she is everything I’ve never seen in a Jewish girl, sweet, affectionate, supportive and ok with an age difference.”
Damn…. YOU can be her grandfather already! She must looked like a 16 years old girl holding the hand of some old man! Yes, our Taiwanese Girls tends to looked younger than they really are, so is our Taiwanese Men! >=P
Anyhow, HOT or SMART Heterosexual Israeli-American Girls (sorry no crazy religious ones) can always go for our High Status Taiwanese Males (those that are willing to date outside of our Taiwanese Girls) in America! It’s only fair since American Controlled MASS MEDIA (owned by a bit of your Jewish people) promoted a load of BS about our Taiwanese Men in general! Besides, we got the High Accomplished Taiwanese People in our group as well!! =)
I’m a guy. My parents are jewish but I consider myself an atheist.
I prefer to hook up with other atheists. And if I ever had kids I wouldn’t want to indoctrinate them into a religion that’s completely fictional (as all religions are) and tries to control people using fear and guilt.
What rational person would chop off a piece of their son’s penis because of an asinine tradition that nobody bothers to think through?
Currently Im in a relationship with a jewish girl. although we really like each other because we have so much in common. She and I arent very religious, Im not jewish though. Personally I think she is the best girl Iv ever met, and every day I see her it puts a smile on my face. When Im around her I feel much different than when I waswith past gfs. We met at college, shes very pretty, smart, athletetic, warm and has a loving spark in her eyes! Im glad I met her, Im just worried her parents wouldnt agree with us seeing each other, or being more than just friends. Her father seems pretty easy going, and my parents like her. Her mother also doesnt seem all that bad, nor does she seem strict. I use to think jewish people, like the amish would never allow their children to marry outside their own. Thats how it was in my family, my english [lutheran] grandfather married my irish [catholic] grandmother. My protestant grandfather convertd to roman catholicism, and after that was pretty much forced by my irish grandmother never to have anything to do with his side of the family. I resented my grandmother for that and hope if I ever got married to this wonderful jewish girl, that her family wouldnt disown her. I would feel hurt, but would be at her side, she means alot to me regardless of what people say.
-James
‘Give me liberty or give me death,’ I was raised by a Jewish women and had the displeasure to observe Jewish women make synagouge life (a conservative synagouge) very unpleasant with their thirst for firing help, clergy and publicly demonstrate ridicule of their husbands in public no less. After donating my youth to finding a Jewish wife. An experience that is anything but promising for the low status politically right wing male. I decided to be a husband and idwhat I had to do and glad that I did. I married a wonderful Filipino women and never experienced such loving kindness. Its not the cooked meals or the cleaned house. Its the approval, caring, devotion and over all love and friendship. she has seen me through severe illness and periods of unemployment without flinching. I go to shul everymorning and she frequently goes with me on Shabbat, shere she sits with other Filipino wives in the balcony. Some of the women of the congregation refuse to understand, but most of the men actually do. And once the women understand, our boys might stop having to vote with their feet.
Frankly, I think if Jewish Americans are to survive into the next century, then we have to welcome some non-jews into our midst. There are Rabbis who will rail against this idea, saying that it will bring in “faddists”, etc.. Well, that might be true. But the alternative is much more daunting – the disappearance of the Jewish American altogether.
We seem to have raised a generation of unpleasable women (sorry ladies, it’s the truth), and as a result Jewish men are looking elsewhere. It’s not a secret. If it was, then this blog would not even be posted.
Since we are not going to marry the ungrateful females we have available, why not encourage women of other backgrounds who are thoughtful, pleasing, and supportive to discover Kabbalah, and other worth-while qualities of our religion. Jewish men would be much better off.
perhaps we’ll find love when we finally accept that it is not deserved or merited. We all want what we want in a partner, that doesn’t mean wer’e entitled to it, leave it up to God to make that happen for you if you believe. I happen to believe, i could take any of the comments about Jewish women here and insert other ethnicities, such as Indian, African American,Arab,Asian etc. it seems everyone gripes about their peers of the other sex. Nearly Every cu lture says its women are too stringent, too sexually timid, too demanding, etc.
I’m serious, just put some of these attributes about Jewish women into the search engines, and alot of other ethnicities will come up. To a point maybe they are true, maybe not, what can i say, women don’t want to settle, settling for a woman isn’t the same as what a man may settle for. Women shop around
because the investment is far bigger for us often, we are putting our youth, bodies on the line for the man we love, we will bear him children, etc. A man, not saying all do, but they can usually opt out. We women need to remember and understand the essence of who we are and our femininity, and stop listening so much to society and what it is telling us about “what we need to take from a man”. We sh ould value his heart first, his character. Men, stop feeling like because a woman expects you to bring something to the table that she is too demanding. You are men and you have to play that role accordingly, that’s life.
I loove being a woman, i wou ldn’t change it for the world, and i love men. Men are men no matter their ethnicity, but its all about perception, people are people and these negative attributes we are assigning to race/ religion often are more about being just human. I am supposed to be “so low” on the dating totem pole according to statistics in American society, black american female (im 30) unmarried, etc. Do you think what people say gets into my head, it doesn’t because i have pride in myself and i am beautiful inside and out, and it shows. The key is not to become bitter as time goes on, keep your senses of humor, y our own interests, and most of all, your scruples, good luck everyone.
I am a Greek female in my early thirties. I have focused on trying to meet a Greek man. I recently started dating a divorced Jewish father of two. I instantly fell in love with him and the way he treated his children. In the bedroom I had never been pleased as much. He had been divorced from his Jewish wife for three years. He felt a lot of guilt and shame over the divorce. Both he and his ex are successful lawyers. I was willing to convert and share my life with him. He was not willing to have another child and ultimately broke my heart by telling me that he was still in love with his ex wife. The connection I felt to him was something that I have her experienced. I can not believe that he is still in love with a woman that constantly put him down and stressed him out.
I am a non-jew who is currently dating a jewish man. I honestly have not met a man quite like him. He has a great personality and I love the fact that he is the perfect gentleman even if sometimes he is a little rough around the edges. If our relationship lasts and if we have kids, I want our children to grow up as jewish.
Gentile man who has a crush on Jewish chick: From talking to my Jewish male friends and knowing Jewish women currently and in the past, the problem with Jewish women are really only with the ones from the East coast, not the west, in that they are very demanding, unrealistic and get angry very easily and are hard to please, not necessarily with money.
All I can say that after reading these comments, I have learned a lot. I am a Jewish female 36 years old and I have been searching for a normal Jewish guy, a mensch. School kept me tied up in my 20’s and now that I am open to having a long term relationship with a Jewish man, I cannot find anyone! Left overs is what I am encountering,the ones that have a lot of baggage. The kind of baggage that you cannot take off the plane. They are in their 40’s and 50’s and are selfish as sh__. May are jobless or don’t hold a real job and don’t know what it is to respect a woman and be a Southern gentleman (Im from the South). Not only do they have issues out the wazoo, they are bolding, fat and have their long lists of what they are looking for in a Jewish woman. I propmise, If you treat a woman like she needs to be treated and taken care of the woman, the woman will do anything for the man. That is how I was brought up. The man is the king on the castle yet his wife is the queen. For all of you Jewish men out there learn not to be too selfish, share, communicate,respect,love,be affectionate and thoughtful. and you’ll see, Jewish wowmen will be coming out of the woodwork! If ther is a Jewissh man out there loooking for a jewish woman in the south east region please do not hesitate to contact me. I have not given up on Jewish men! Apexjen@live.com
Maybe Jews shy away from marrying each other because they fear they may be related? (The 12 tribes?) The incest taboo is totally appropriate and Jews DO have the lowest incest rate of any people, ever.
I’m a Gentile broad, 3 times married to Hebrews. Your people ROCK. And the ladies even moreso.
Whatever reason Jewish women not able to keep their men, should stop blaming other race and examine themselves. Leave the blue/blond, blacks, asians, latino, irish people alone and go look at yourself closely.
Whatever reason Jewish women not able to keep their men, should stop blaming others and examine themselves. Leave jewish men, or the blue/blond, blacks, asians, latino, irish, italian or whatever other ‘un-chosen’ people alone and go look at yourself closely.
Plus, genetic diseases, such as Tay-Sachs or Gaucher Type 1diseases, are more prevalent among the us, exactly because we intermarry. For the sake of next generation, we need to start intermarrying. We were forced to married within our group before because we were kept in our ghettos. We are out of that, why go back?
i have one thing to say… check out nicejewishguys.net and you’ll find all your answers there.
much love
This NYCJEW writes-
A totally terrifically accurate observation and frustration with the dating scene.
1. Jewish men only date really really skinny girls
2. They like Asian women (see 1)
3. They LURVE blonds that are of the non-US variety
4. They have serious problems with Momma control
5. They want to be the breadwinner and do not like independent equally outspoken women.
6. They really hate being jewish and try to “distance themselves” in their 20s, and do everything they can to date a non-jew
7. If the have money they hide it and only will date someone who has money herself.
8. So many “fool around” with the NJ’s and find themselves alone at 45 still trying to get that girl in her 20s who couldn’t care less.
9. They do not date age appropriately.
10. OK THE BIG ONE- IF YOU WANT A JEWISH MAN to MARRY, get one who does not live in any major city-this way, there will not be temptation everywhere, and the women will actually look like women (it is what he is used to)
Adam – saw your calendar.. very funny! where can they be had?
Also coming to the discussion late, but for my two cents, I’m a strange breed – brought up Catholic, converted to Judaism (on my own, no man to prompt me) after dating some really great Jewish guys and learning about the culture. The last guy I dated asked me on our first date if I was a JAP (of which he happily said later I am not a drop of). Look, there may be Jewish men who want a JAP (not sure who they are but I’ll make the assumption). But in my experience, Jewish men find it repelling and totally unattractive.
JAPs take heed – you have another problem. Converts who do understand the meaning of life and love (and it doesn’t have to do with possessions, my dears).
Any jewish guys interested to get to know a *nice*, pretty jewish girl, feel free to drop me a line. If you’re in Chicago, all the better!
ppgallini@gmail.com
Michelle, thanks for commenting! These discussions, as you see, keep going…
Wait a minute, was the dude disappointed you weren’t a JAP?
I don’t love the term, even when it’s offered as a joke, like in this “Disney” movie. I wish I knew any single guys in Chicago – but apparently I only know single women. So I could match you all up for a support group, but other than that… sorry.
Adam, thanks so much for
pimping out your guysposting your link to the calendar. I hope the guys are aware that you’ve just offered their services to man-hungry Jewish women. If you’d ever like to take out an ad on JDA, let the management know!Hey Esther,
1. No, the dude was glad that I wasn’t a JAP, which is why we continued to date. It was later in our relationship that he said I wasn’t a drop of it (once he got to know me and saw for real). I broke up with him for different reasons.
2. Are you in Chicago?
1. I see.
2. No. Have been to Chicago, though – apart from the cold, really enjoyed my time there.
I’m a 20-something convert who recently got out of a long, serious relationship with an Israeli. From what I’ve seen so far, the Jewish, female singles that I’ve found here (in the SF Bay Area) tend to be Progressives who are either overtly hostile to Judaism or seek to betray Jewish tradition by forcing it to align with Progressive viewpoints (including, among others, embracing the “Palestinian Cause” and calling Israel a “terrorist state”).
Given these options, I figure I’m better off dating a nice Gentile women in the hopes that she’ll convert than dating a Jewess in a Keffiyeh.
I have exactly the same problem. I’m Jewish (but not terribly religious; I’m Reform and was raised in a secular house) and irony of ironies, pro-Israel and anti-gun control. I’m a woman. I get more responses on my OKCupid ad from Non Jews because of my politics. I only seem to meet jews who are seriously on the weenie end of the progressive spectrum. How can I respect someone who would (as I see it) sell out their own people? I know more pro-Israel NON Jews than otherwise!
At this point in my life though, I would take being alone over being with a non-Jew. I’ve been with non-Jews before.
I’m just tired of having to explain everything. I’m tired of having to explain why I can’t find all of my ancestors to someone who doesn’t identify or care, and I’m tired of having to explain why I don’t want to live in this or that part of the country.
I want to look across the table, meet eyes with someone… and even if they’re horribly neurotic just like me, heh… at least know that we have the same neuroses.
My only issue with someone who has converted – typically, they’re too religious!
An open comment to the person who keeps harassing me in comments left on this post…your comments weren’t deleted – they were being held in “moderated” automatically. Now that I see that you keep calling me names and aren’t really interested in having an intelligent conversation, now’s the time I delete them. Play nicely, or you can’t play at all. That’s the rule here. Thank you. – The Management
Aaron – I lived in SF for 10 years (live in Chicago now). Drop me a line at ppgallini@gmail.com if you want to get to know each other better. I come out to SF every few months to visit. Ever get to Chicago?
Esther – You seem pretty cool and thank you for moderating this discussion forum. Email me sometime – would like to get to know some other cool Jewish chicks.
Hi,
I was a 37 jew by mother and non jewish father , married to a non jew for 20 years. There was no depth to her and she got into trouble later on in our marriage with drugs. I became religous 6 months before we got divorced and I got our daughter. I had a shiduch the day I received my divorce papers 4 years ago and it was a shock to be in an interview with the girl, her 2 kids, and rabbi. I didnt find those that the rabbi introduced to me to be anything I desired. It seemed as if they were mainly concerned with getting a roof over their heads,( meal ticket) and an instant father to their kids. Some wanted to start another family right away and thought It was the only reason to be married. I later had dates with Israeli krazy girls, who were interested in absorbing me into their family like the borg. It seemed like it barely mattered how I felt about the situation. They were Israeli and I wasn’t and I should feel greatfull according to them that they would even consider adding me to their collective. I cant understand how we survived so long as a people.
What I’m trying to say is their was TOO MUCH PRESSURE. I can see why many conservative and reform guys out there dont choose jewish girls. I can see why many jewish girls cant find what they are looking for. I dont see the solution to the problem. I still want to marry a jewish girl like my mom but they are hard to find like her.
Sorry if the above was incoherant, it is new years after all and I am alone. Maybe I’ll go to shul tomarrow, in my cowboy hat.
This whole discussion really shocks me.
No matter what biological/sexual/convenient/maintenance-avoiding relationship people think can be achieved by an intermarriage, the spiritual truth that the Torah tells us is the exact opposite. According to the Torah, that a Jewish man has a BRIT MILA (circumcision) from 8 days old, and will be buried according to Jewish law, he is a Jew and the Torah (both written and the oral tradition, now found in the Talmud) is the Truth. Whether our minds are man/woman enough to accept that or not. We have our own motives for denying things, and we also lack proper education most of the time. But this is the key thing **** any ‘marriage’ with a non-Jew who did not have a VALID conversion (as stipulated by G-d in the Torah… i.e. Orthodox), is simply not a marriage. It may be a contract of two people living together and enjoying each other’s company, sexually and beyond. It may be very loving. But it is not marriage…**** [in the Torah, marriage is referred to as Kiddushin which literally means sanctification. A Jewish woman is Mekudeshet (made holy and taken as the man’s special woman for the rest of his life, in a union that has G-d Himself’s seal of approval on it.) Any ‘marriage’ other than with kiddushin as specified throughout our Holy writings, is simply ineffectual, and most definitely does NOT have G-d’s seal of approval. Kabbalah and the mystical tradition teach that a Jewish soul and a non-Jewish soul are two different created entities. They can never bond, no matter how nicely they may seem to get on. So it is a crying shame that we find ourselves in the situation we do today… Jewish women and Jewish men need to start lowering their demands and realising that marriage is not (only) about sex, money, or status. It is about the very continuity of our people. A people who we do not need reminding had an EXTERMINATION ATTEMPT aimed at them 60 short years ago. DO NOT FORGET. ‘WE WILL NEVER FORGET’ is the mantra that is banded about. Do people think about what that means? It is not just a physical thing that we will not march like sheep to the slaughter again and we will do everything we can to defend ourselves… it means we will NEVER let our people be destroyed BY OUR OWN ATTEMPTS. Just because the non-Jewish world treats us nicely now DO NOT BE LULLED INTO THAT FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY. Things change, antisemitism rises. We need to continue to have JEWISH CHILDREN. THAT NECESSITATES JEWISH MARRIAGES WITH CHUPPA AND KIDDUSHIN.
PEOPLE SEEM TO HAVE FORGOT THAT the entire Jewish people are only around today because G-d commanded our people at Mt. Sinai – all 3 million of us who were there (Deut: 7 1-4):
“1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and shall cast out many nations before thee, the Hittite, and the Girgashite, and the Amorite, and the Canaanite, and the Perizzite, and the Hivite, and the Jebusite, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
2 and when the LORD thy God shall deliver them up before thee, and thou shalt smite them; then thou shalt utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor show mercy unto them;
3 neither shalt thou make marriages with them: thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.
4 For he will turn away thy son from following Me, that they may serve other gods; so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and He will destroy thee quickly. ”
This is not an appeal at the ‘Jewish-guilt-strings’, but a reality check. According to the ‘laws of nature’ we should have been swept away a longgggggg time ago. The reason we are still here is because our G-d is the Rock of Israel who never leaves us totally. He never departs us totally no matter how bad we get, ch’v’s, it is a brit l’olam, an eternal covenant – something the christians/Muslims/others here may fail to understand as it contradicts most of their theology. Oh well, tough luck – the Torah is the word of G-d, it is not JJ making this rule up. If these individuals and groups read the ‘Old Testament’ they would realise that.
Raised as a secular(ish) Jew I quite probably would have intermarried (G-d-forbid) without realising what what actually involved, for two main reasons: firstly, because of the natural animal soul that just seeks pleasure that we all have within us, and secondly, the lack of any proper Jewish education. Now, doing my best to live as a Jewish person is commanded by G-d to do, i.e. learning Torah and doing mitzvot (commandments), [visit chabad.org or your local centre for more info], I have personal experience.
Whilst beginning to become religious at 18, I met the most amazing Jewish girl ever. She was so sweet. She was homely, wanting to cook and make my bed even though we didn’t live together. I appreciated that sense of care for me, it was amazing. However, she couldn’t cope with the spiritual growth I was making, and despite a wonderful relationship where we ended up having a lovely gorgeous son together – may he grow up to be a mentch in Torah, Marriage, and good deeds. After our son was born, she decided that I was ‘too religious’. Despite sticking by her through everything, and always being there for her, the impact she felt acting in a truly Jewish way would have upon her was too much.
I write the last paragraph not out of self-pity, but as a learning. This is how low we as a Jewish people have become, where we actually entertain it in our minds that we would seek NOT TO MARRY for the reason that someone is ‘too Jewish’… IT HAS BECOME MORE ACCEPTABLE TO MARRY A GOY/SHIKSER than an observant Jew because they are seen as boring or whatever the reason.
Let me tell you something… these ‘observant Jews’ who are Jews like the rest of us, are some of the nicest people on the planet. They value real things, not fake things. They value family, life, love, charity; not fast cars, big houses, expensive suits. But as has been said above by other posters, these women are unbelievably high maintenance and extremely demanding it seems. It must be something in our genes – look what our holy matriarchs went through… they have instilled this strength and power in the future generations.
Women and men would seem to want the goy/shikser over the Jewish man/woman who has a Jewish soul and a whole lot of love to give.
Besides for all these ‘human’ reasons that have been given about ‘pleasing mum’ and so on, the real reason is that G-D COMMANDS US TO NOT MARRY NON-JEWS, as quoted above.
Lastly, TO THE POSTERS WHO WROTE THAT IDEALLY THEY WOULD MARRY JEWS BUT GIVEN THE FACT THAT THE POOL IS LESS AND THEY ARE GETTING OLDER ETC AND DON’T WANT TO LIVE UNHAPPILY, these are very human concerns I agree. However, the truth is that whenever we go through struggles – and this is one such thing – it is a test from G-d that is there to get the best out of us. Maybe, Adam Cohen is supposed to be single until he meets a proper shadchan (matchmaker) who will find him his ideal wife. Perhaps we should all stop thinking about ourselves for a change and moping around, and start thinking about how we want to change ourselves and benefit our communities and the world for the best and make the world a dwelling place for G-d. Once that happens the world will not have these warped views that we all seem to have today.
Jewish men who are more secular, look more Jewish and have a narcisisstic materialistic personality tend to prize either non-Jewish women or goyish-looking Jewish women. In the end, they’re like any other egotistical guy out there, Jewish or not, who want the girl that physically floats their boat.
Ok, obviously you guys don’t want to hear the truth. I know it hurts. And I’m a very Jewish-looking and zaftig Jewish gal who is constantly rejected by Jewish men for this reason. So, either a certain number of Jewish guys where I’m from sleep around with whomever, Jewish or not, until they find the right Jewish girl, or they simply marry non-Jewish women. SO SUCK IT UP!
WOW J J you are truly brainwashed. All religions are written and dictated primarily by men who were very primitive and set up rules for hygiene etc. a long long time ago. I have been a scholar of many religions just for my own curiosity and everyone has pretty much the same message.
A soul is a soul and we all come to earth by chance. Every soul is plucked from God’s heart and he loves us all the same. We do not choose our religion we are born into it and are taught whatever fairy tales our parents choose to teach us. If religions never existed there would still be segregation and exterminations based on many other factors. Religion is the shield that many have used as an excuse to hurt and exclude other people. I was raised Catholic and am married to a French Israeli Jewish man. We have a wonderful life and beautiful children and split our time between Israel and the US. We fell in love because our two souls were extremely similar and our core values were well matched. I have never met another couple that is as tranquil and happy as we are and it is because we have always loved each other for who we are not what we are. For the record his mother loved me and only cared that her son was happy. His family is amazing and I am so happy to be part of it. My family tortured both of us and I walked away from them and followed my heart and am happy that I did.
I still don’t ‘get’ the answer. I’m a J. female 50, never married and can’t find the right J. guy. So what is it that J. Conservative females should be doing? What do non-J females have that we don’t? I’ve never been demanding, never asked a guy for something, never was told to marry a doctor or lawyer… but there’s all these stereotypes about J. women who aren’t nice to J. men. It can’t be that every single J. lady is not good hearted, and greedy, and spoiled. I know a lot of nice Toronto girls who are down to earth and great people, but other ethnic females are told to go after the J. men, that’s all and they persist whether it’s on Jdate or another site, or coming to a synagogue dance. I helped 6 convert to Judaism years back and for the 7th who asked me, I said no, sorry, I won’t until I find a J. man for myself. I find that men don’t want to share, they are worried, guarded and listen too much to their friends. Not all of them. But I’m sick of being accused of being demanding even before a guy asks me my name at a dance, for example. Men need to toss away the line that all J. girls aren’t nice. I won’t date non-J. men, I’d rather be single all my life, but in reality, I wish I was married and had a child whom I could teach Judaism to.
Born into a Jewish family (both mother and father). Press ganged into Jewish school for almost all of grade school. Bar Mitzvah’d. Jewish summer camp for seven years. Basically subjected only to Jewish culture and Jewish females for the first 13 years of my life. In 20’s moved to a large city with a large Jewish population. Dated Jewish girls. God smiled on me in 2009 and I became a Christian and started dating Christian women only. Comparison:
Jewish women – Primary concern: marrying a provider
Christian women – Primary concern: marrying someone spiritually sound
Jewish women – Which country club will I belong to?
Christian women – Which church will I belong to?
Jewish women – Which doctor will give me my nose job?
Christian women – N/A
Thank you God!
Seriously, Ed? A provider? A country club? A nose job? This can’t have been true of all the Jewish women you dated – maybe if you dated in the 1950s, but then everyone was Donna Reed.
I’m glad God smiled upon you, and that you’re happy about having become a Christian…but this kind of generalizing against all Jewish women as being obsessed with money and appearances just isn’t true. (Dare I say, “isn’t Christian of you”?) You will find plenty of non-Jewish people who are status-centered, just as you will find plenty of Jewish women who – while they might want you to have a job – aren’t looking for a sugar daddy, and are probably even more concerned with how their prospective partners worship or identify as Jews.
Like Kreindel said, “Men need to toss away the line that all J. girls aren’t nice…I wish I was married and had a child whom I could teach Judaism to.”
There are plenty of us who will choose character, personality, humor, and family and ethical values over the value of a car or a house, EVERY TIME.
It never ceases to amaze me that the Jewish men who marry non Jewish women and complain about Jewish women. Seem to marry non Jewish women who fit the negative stereotype of Jewish women
Then there is the stereotype of the narcisstic spoiled Jewish man. Shiskas–you can have him.
I’m always amazed at the irony of people who write these comments full of stereotypes in this particular venue. I think we can all say that one reason we read this blog is because of Esther, who devotes her life to Judaism, to kiruv, to making the Jewish people stronger and more committed. Then men come here and say, “I stopped dating Jewish women because they’re all after money and status.” Is Esther only after that? And if you admit she isn’t, that this very website on which you make your comments is done as a service to you and the rest of the Jewish community, are you saying that she is absolutely unique and no other Jewish women have this same ideology?
As a person who left an executive position (with money! and status!) in a multinational conglomerate to go back to school and help humanity, and as the daughter of a woman who said to the firemen when her house was on fire, “don’t bother with so-called valuables, just save my recipes and my sefarim,” these beliefs and comments continue to boggle my mind. OK, you’ve had bad experiences. We all have. Stop tainting me, Esther, and the rest of Jewish women who would “choose character, personality, humor, and family and ethical values over the value of a car or a house, EVERY TIME” with your bitterness.
A Jewish woman’s definition of a narcissistic Jewish man: a guy who:
– Won’t overlook that they’re not as physically attracted to Jewish women as they are to non-Jewish women
– Refuses to pay for sushi and a Broadway show on the first date
– Doesn’t limit his dating pool to only Jewish women, thus making Jewish women a more sought-after commodity
Just look at Sandra’s response: “Shiksas-you can have them”. Just seething with contempt.
Thanks, I’ll keep them…
JJ, I heard all that before at chabad.
Problem is, did you say a marriage between 2 jews is holy approved by hashem and forever?
Why did you divorce your wonderful jewish wife? Even after you had kids?
Cold unconnected and so sad.
I gave up everything when I became religous, but I didnt find a jewish wife right away not because I couldnt have, but because I knew I needed to understand where religously I was going to be before I chose one. Not fair to the wife to marry while eating shrimp at the local Reform place and then expect her to become orthodox over night.
ps, any jewish girl that thinks she is rejected because of her jewish looks isnt facing reality. Its not that sister!
Marishka – interesting ideas, just not G-d’s ones I am afraid. You may believe them to be backward; but a tiny amount of thought will reveal your own christianity (or parent’s christianity) is of course rooted in Judaism. The very Judaism that affirms what I wrote. The very Judaism that in this week’s Torah reading in Shemot 18-19 tells us about the only ever National Revelation (of individuals that survived to recount the tale afterwards) to have even been CLAIMED to have taken place on planet Earth. This Torah happens to disagree with your unqualified opinion that the Torah is made by men etc. Please back up your personal feelings with objectable fact if they are to be sustained – ‘i feel’ is not good legal/theological argument, it is conversation that you have with your friends about how healthy you may feel or if you feel hungry, they are not born of the mind.
The Jewish man you claim to have married is, according to the Torah, instructed to marry a Jewish woman – see my previous message. This applies whether you like it or not – it is Jewish belief based on a National Revelation you, I, and everybody else on this planet can do absolutely nothing about, whether they wish to or not. It happened. 3 million people saw this world-changing event. Fact.
Moshe, Kol ha’kavod for your journey into your soul, that is amazing news.
Regarding your personal question Moshe. Whilst completely irrelevant to the discussion, (it isn’t smart to try and destroy factual information to make whatever point it is you are trying to), I will answer you. In fact, you missed the whole gist of what I wrote. The point was that we are too fussy as a people sometimes, and it is a thread i am seeing throughout the messages posted on here, that we have a tendency to discriminate against marriage partners who are ‘too Jewish’ ‘look too Jewish’ ‘are too frum [religious]’ and so on. It should be the other – and in an ironic sense, by marrying out we are giving credence or passive acquiescence to antisemitism by appearing to affirm exactly that which the antisemite wishes to establish.
Moshe – lastly there is an aspect of the souls of a first-married couple that is eternal, regardless of any divorce. In my case, I did not choose for this outcome, so attempts to blame me for leaving is rather nonsensical and darn offensive when you know nothing at all about a situation. The question of souls of married couples staying together forever comes up in eschatological understandings regarding the End of Days and the Resurrection of the Dead that will happen after our Messiah has arrived, may he come immediately. It is taught I believe in the Midrashic writings that husband and wife’s soul exist in the Gan Eden as one being – which may be good for us, but prob not for them!!
I give everyone a blessing that they find their intended. Jews with Jews, Noahides with Noahides, as the Torah commands the world. Let’s not get in the way of His law.
JJ,
My rabbi asked me once when I was feeling down, Moshe what do you want in this life? I said to be happy, he said this is not possible. We should only hope to have strength to do mitzvot and fullfill our duty and die faithful. As there is much wisdom in what he said, it is too difficult for me to beleive that having the strongest connection to Hashem equals misserable.
May you find your way and may we meet up in Olam Obah some day.
Moshe
JJ, thank you for finally bringing up the idea that perhaps we are implicitly participating in self-hatred and anti-Jewish sentiment by buying into stereotypes of Jewish women AND men, and categorically dismissing them based on the way they look and/or act “Jewish” (whatever that may be…). In a matter of clarification, however, I must ask you whether the Torah saying it was written by G-d means that it could not have possibly been written by human(s) (I will not specify gender here) claiming that it was written by G-d as a means of authority? You are asking for a rational argument based on facts here, and that means you have to question the validity of your own arguments as well as those of others. And Marishka was not calling Judaism backwards, and did not imply that her own religious roots being raised Catholic come from the same place. Please, give her the due credit and do not accuse her of being ignorant just because she used a misplaced and unfair claim of “primitivism” in a way that was not intended to offend you personally. And yes, Marishka, this was an unfair statement. Primitive is a very loaded and ugly term. This is the kind of word I don’t allow my students to use in class, along with racial slurs and the like.
Samantha, thanks for your honest comments. The Torah does not claim to be ‘written’ by G-d though, nor did I imply such a thing.
As we say every time the Torah is taken out of the Ark, ‘Ve’zot haTorah asher sam Moshe lifnei bnei Yisrael, al pi H”, b’yad Moshe’. This means, ‘And this is the Torah that Moshe placed before the children of Israel, upon the Mouth of G-d, through the hand of Moshe’.
This means most certainly that every single letter in our Holy Torah is imbued with holiness, in that G-d commanded it through Moshe to be present. Moshe Rabbeinu was the eved ne’eman, the faithful servant.
I hope this addresses your point.
JJ
I have to share my thoughts. I love reading about this topic. I have been doing a lot of personal research about jewdiasm. I’m a jew girl by birth(both parents are) but not by belief. When I was younger I went to temple every sunday and took classes. I really don’t think it is all that much to rave about) I have seen plenty of jewish men cheat and steal as much as any other group-Maybe even more nasty. Some of my mother’s freinds converted to jewdiasm and their rich jewish husbands left them broke with the kids. I don’t hate jewish men, my dad is amazing and I have met a lot of great jewish men-I just dont agree with the religion. To me from my own experiences it is a very contradicting, bitter religion that teaches children repeatedly about their ancestors suffering. It makes them feel different in a bad way-as it did with me and other jewish kids(not to mention having to get a nose job) I don’t want a jewish husband or children because of all those things. I think as long as there are very conservative orthodox jews there will be jews, so let them deal with it. Atleast I won’t be oppressed. My parents also divorced and also married an asian woman. I do agree so many jewish women are very uptight and negative. Luckily my dad wasn’t raised the way my mother was. I thought my grandmother(dad’s mother) was irish or something, because she did’t have the typical jewish features.-very fair/ small nose/green eyes/tall and slender. But she was fully jewish. I heard she had a 3some with my grandfather as well. I don’t see many jewish women like that. But I thank god I got the genes of my grandmother, which is not too religious. I’m not atheist. I do believe in a higher power, but I think religion is a way to control people and their desires and ease their doubts. Bill Maher has said” It teaches people to not think for themselves.” People need to believe in somthing to feel secure. But is it really real? Do we have true proof without religious leaders really knowing for sure?
Forgot to mention-No offense to some people for saying this(I’m sure some men won’t mind-hehe) but more jewish women need to watch porn and let loose
I feel personally that women in general are not as equipped to deal with rejection from the opposite sex as well as a man. I believe that men in general will compromise more in order to find a mate or to not lose their steady supply of intercourse. Women are the prey and men are the predators. Don’t get me wrong I believe firmly that women are our equals in every way shape, and form except this one. Women in most cultures are taught that they are the catch and that a man should only hope to be lucky enough to have them. While on the other hand men in most cultures are taught that they must prove themselves in someway shape or form in order to attain the affection of a woman. I feel that this to some degree has debilitated women’s ability to find mates. As time progresses they aren’t able to adapt to the change in demand. It all comes down to supply and demand. If you are not putting out a product that satisfies the customer then it’s going to stay on the shelf and depreciate its value. Most women from various cultures don’t know how to approach a man or to be aggressive. They have the easy roll which is to just show up while we break the ice or, “Go in for the kill as they say.” Now on a side note i’d like to concur with the person who stated that this is the same problem but just a different ethnicity. That is so true. This is a problem that african american women are facing as well in the black community. They are faced with being seen as too strong and unyielding to their men. Which has sent their men into the arms of other women. As a woman you have to ask yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice and compromise to keep from dying alone. If you feel the need to stand firm to your beliefs then you must also be willing to accept the fact that solitude may be your fate.
The good looking Jewish ladies know how rare they are hence they are narcissistic in both their demands and who they date. This can backfire on them … as they keep shopping for the best possible catch.
So as a quality Jewish guy, you are left with either compromising on looks, education, personality or on the Jew thing… you can find a sweet, pretty, down to earth, educated and humble woman with a lot less headache if you are willing to give up the one requirement of being jewish.
My jewish old man broke my Shiksa heart, god bless him, I don’t have the money or youth he wants and he is always with a “grass is greener” outlook and expectations, he left almost immediately and isn’t going to work on things. I had an open mind, but he always seemed uptight and treated me as a non-person as a Shiksa. He told me the entire marriage had been a waste, I really loved him though, so kind of sad. We Shiksas get hurt also. I needed somebody a little less dark of a personality, but in other ways he is a phenomenal guy, very hard worker. I notice the gentiles put more time into personal life.
Shalom
Basically im from London England, although i come to america about 3 or 4 times a year.
im 20 in august, and I need help with a Shidduch. I am looking for a nice Jewish guy in their late 20’s/early 30’s. My age limit is 36 and youngest 24.
I attend Synaggogue every Saturday morning.
I wondered whether you know anyone in America or London or even Israel who is looking for a nice Jewish girl to marry or know someone who could maybe help me with shidduch
im a vet nurse so love animals, Im looking to settle down young and have a family, Im not fussy on who im looking for, just someone with a good personality, faithful honest, someone whos going to make me and my family happy and yeah someone who loves animals
If you know someone who may know someone also who is looking please get in touch
Thank you
eastgyaldem@hotmail.co.uk
I just came across this page and am very late into this conversation. However, seeing as I just got out of a relationship with a wonderful Jewish man, I felt that I should leave my 2 cents.
It really is unfortunate that in some cultures, as people get older, it is increasingly difficult to find a mate but unsurprising. When you are older, you’ve experienced a lot more in life and have spent more time in shaping your own personality. This is a reason why a lot of cultures encourages their members to marry young (I am East Indian and this is true in most parts of India. I have noticed this trend with Jews as well).
I was with such a wonderful Jewish man. He was so intelligent, funny, caring and a kind hearted person. He loved spending time with me and always told me that he wouldn’t call me a shiksa because he felt I was more of a heimischer. We shared so much in common but the only reason he did not commit to me is because of the difference in religion. Especially because he was raised in a Modern Orthodox community. So now, we are no longer involved and he is turning 40 soon and his birthday is around the High Holidays. So not only is it a big birthday, but a lot of religion associated guilt according to him. He has never been married nor does he have any kids. Ultimately this is what he wants but he is serious about finding a Jewish woman now. The sad part about this however is that he says it himself that he doesn’t feel he can enjoy life anymore. He has more of a sense of duty to marry someone Jewish and lead a Jewish lifestyle that will finally help him ‘blend’ in from all the years of being single and singled-out in his community. He is tired of being different. But it is this difference in his personality that caused me to fall in love with him.
I understand that the upbringing, especially in conservative Judaism is strict in terms of relationship and marriage practices. But I think after a while, it needs to become acceptable to marry someone that you are happy with…Jew or non-Jew. Afterall, health is regarded above Halacha in Judaism. I know of one of my friend’s father who could not do the fast of Tish B’av because he was extremely ill and therefore exempt from the fast because he must tend to his health. So with that argument, isn’t a healthy relationship and happiness important to one’s health? People in happy marriages statistically live longer than those who are just getting by in their marriages.
There is a risk of walking away from Judaism, yes. But there is also the opportunity of bringing someone else into the Tribe who not only loves the religion because of their partner, but because they actually find a connection between Judaism and their personal beliefs. Open communication really is key more so that anything else. It is sad that in many cultures it is ingrained from a young age to marry of your own kind otherwise you will be a hand in destroying the population. The guilt never goes away. Therefore happiness can never be 100% if there is such a big burden to bear and a sense of duty to one’s culture/society/religion.
I probably sound like I’m ranting. But this is something I’ve noticed time and time again and it really is sad because your so-called ‘bashert’ may not really be.
Thank you for weighing in from your experiences…tending to one’s physical health is often cited as a loophole around certain strictures, but seldom is that leniency “officially” extended to emotional health or well-being, unfortunately.
I hope you and your former boyfriend both find your matches – people who are well-suited to you, supportive, loving, and make you laugh even when facing life’s challenging moments.
gIOCnTmPm…
remedies for impotence…
I’m a Jewish man. After reading these posts, I just want everyone to know that when I consider the plight of the modern American Jewish female experiencing her dating nightmare, a single tear drips down my cheek in sympathy. You women err little girls need to grow up.
Jews need to stop clinging to this ancient Babylonian archaic belief system of being the chosen people. Are 3% of the people in this world really the only chosen people? I live in NY and have dealt with a lot of Jewish people. This is what I’ve noticed: they are extremely thick headed and will typically only truly listen to other Jews. They are extremely cheap and I would avoid doing business with one at all costs. In fact Jews are world renowned for their epic frugality. If you look around on Facebook at Jewish people you will start to notice that for a lot of them about 90% or more of their friends are Jewish!! They go out of their way to only associate with other Jews. If that is going to be their attitude and not live humbly and realize we are all brothers and sisters then I could care less what happens to them. Not to mention the existence of the state of Israel is the root cause for the wars we are in now. If you ask me I say we stop supporting Israel and let those people live in the middle of the desert on their own if they desire. I’ll be content on my green land with my natural water sources any day. Religion makes people act in illogical ways. They would prefer to live in a desert surrounded by enemies over a safer area. They would pass by love because they want to marry a Jewish person. It’s a tribal mentality, rather a mob mentality. It’s not just Jews that exhibit this, it’s anyone too obsessed with religion. Jews just tend to be cheap on top of all of this, and that is what angers many non Jewish people and creates a lot of resentment.
Feminism is the problem. Our post modern families are dysfunctional. We have all experienced men being grossly mistreated by their women in our families. Perhaps being scolded over minutia in public. Jewish women are not more materialistic than other women, albeit more status conscious. Jewish women seem to take their anti-Male wrath out specifically on the Son’s of Israel. Its a viscious cycle. Jewish women are angry at their fathers for being weak and not asserting themselves against their bullying mothers which would have created a healthier enviroment and are therefore attracted to more dominant men who will assert themselves and keep them in line. Jewish men are angry at their mothers for abusing their fathers and do not wish to experience such tyranny. As for citing Jewish women for being wealth and status conscious, that is a problem with both genders of our tribe. In the Jewish community, if a man is not a king of Israel, he is disregarded by both genders aned never catch a break. A low status Jewish man can go to Chabad, can eat in a kosher soup kitchen, but their company is otherwise not desired. I am a low status politically right wing, moderately dominant Jewish male and I have a Filipina wife. Aside from that I was brutally rejected for many years, and even goyisha american women, while more accepting, were still anti male. Asa result, I married late, to a woman with steller character, a heart of gold, a sense of humor, enough street savvy to become right wing and since she did not know what a Jew is, devoid of anti semitism.
Hi- Im a Christian, Latin girl. I dated a jewish man once and found him to be so interesting. He introduced me to Jewish life and traditions. We ate Shabbat with the family and I loved every minute of it. To me, being Jewish is mostly about tradition than the actual religion. Its based on long, long, long years of traditions and rituals passed on since the 12 tribes of Israel.
Sadly– to me it was all about traditions than the actual belief in G-d. I remember attending Purim and when I asked my BF’s mom what is was and why it was celebrated, she had no clue! she just knew that they went out to eat and got dressed up.
They never attended temple, yet they were so fixed on following tradition that it got exaggerated. There was no depth to having an actual connection with God–just the following of tons of rules that they didnt even know the signifance.
Anyways, I came to realize while being in a relationship with my jewish BF, that mothers SPOIL the shit of their sons. They cook, clean, wash, make, for their sons that they in return cannot do anything for themselves! So if anything, jewish girls have a lot to live up to, to get a man within their faith. Not only do they have to become wives, but also mothers!!!!!
So their demands, as a jewish woman, are justified.
What do Jewish men expect??? If women are going to have to do everything for them, they should have at least a good career.
And most men, dont! they are spoiled brats, crying for their mommies, looking down on women, to the point where basically they have to get breast fed and on top of that–women have to look good for them!
So in conclusion, I no longer date my jewish BF because I didnt want to be his MOTHER.
Well, you know, I’m a Jewish woman who up to a certain point *mostly* dated Jewish men.
What I found is that many Jewish men… have exactly the same requirements of Jewish women that Jewish women have of Jewish men!! Jewish men who want jewish women, want a type-A personality just as much as Jewish women want one. It’s a culture-wide expectation and neither gender is spared. The ones who don’t want “the stereotypical Jewish personality” – don’t even go out with jews to begin with.
I don’t particularly care if the man is a doctor, lawyer or bricklayer – but I will tell you that I have worked ordinary jobs, am in school later in life in an artistic major, am not a doctor or lawyer – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been grilled by a Jewish guy’s family about my “upbringing” (which was poor!). Nobody else would have the nerve, and these guys *never* stood up for me.
At this point in my life, I only want to be with another Jew, and I can only hope that there’s a “normal person” out there who’s open to meeting a Jewess who happens to also be a “normal person”.
Boy is this question timely. I happen to be one of those jewish men that intermarried with a catholic. It just happened by accident that we met, me doing a favor for a friend and her doing for her brother. Initially it was great as there was little interaction with her family. Once we got more serious it was obvious they didn’t like me. At the time she made it clear she was in it for the long haul. Eventually I asked her to marry me and after that the pressure from her family to dump me got more intense. So much so that her behavior toward me changed drastically. I called it off but she begged me not to and promised she’d change. For four months to the wedding things got better. We had an “agreement” regarding everything including any children, how to raise them etc. We would have had a concelebrated wedding but my family refused to come. Her behavior that evening made me realize I had make a huge mistake respective of religion. Not long after I was being pressured to change my name so it wasn’t so Jewish. By that time we already had two children and eventually the agreement we had went out the window. While at her parents house one day I discovered they belong to the John Birch Society. After the divorce and when I felt ready to date and eventually marry again I decided to stick with only Jewish women. I went through the usual online dating nightmares of women who lied in the profile or turned out to be emotionally disturbed and/or still angry with men. In 2005 I decided to be more religious and affiliated with an Orthodox synagouge. I also was keeping kosher inside the home and out. After five years I’ve come to total frustration. Either the woman felt I wasn’t jewish enough because I didn’t dress the dress or wear the right hat; or they thought I was too Jewish because I kept kosher at home and out. Even keeping kosher in the home was too much for the non-orthodox. I’m not a doctor or lawyer and I don’t make $100,000+, drive a fancy sports car, own a boat/summer house/condo. They don’t have to worry about my economics as I receive a very nice non-taxable income for life, have full health care for life, own my own home and have 3 forms of transportation, one being a bicycle. I’m 60 and have been retired for 2 years, and 2 retirement funds I haven’t touched. I’m 5’9″ and 163 with a 42in chest, 33 in waist, and a sort of 6pack. I’m not George or Brad and don’t expect to attract a model. I have gone out with many gorgeous women but without a brain and good heart they weren’t worth pursuing. I get a 10% response rate for every 100 Jewish women I contact. For research that’s good but for relationships it’s lousy. So, yes, if you want perfect go stand in the line with the other jewish spinisters. When it comes to non-jewish women, which I have decided to start going out with, my rate is much much higher. And, they don’t care what kind of hat I wear, or if I keep kosher, or whether I wear jeans/t-shirt. So i don’t need another jewish mother or someone to support me. What I wanted was a jewish wife but the women don’t seem to want to compromise and I don’t need another narcissist in my life.
I have dated a Jewish guy for a year and a half and sadly have not met a Jewish woman yet in his circle of friends who wasn’t bossy, nosy, gossipy, critical of everyone, and insists on dominating every situation. I would say that this is what is driving the men away however, that is what Jewish men are used to and they respond to it whether they want to or not. I truly think my sweet easy going boyfriend will just end up marrying some bossy Jewish lady one day because otherwise he is just a limp noodle. My kindness and love simply doesn’t motivate him like a crass Jewish woman obnoxiously barking out orders. It’s sad because I think he would be miserable, but like I said it’s the only thing that would light a fire under his (cute) ass.
In my experience, it’s the restrictiveness of the Jewish girls I meet that drives me away, more than anything. The more religious they are, the less open-minded and adventurous they are. I consider myself somewhat of a free spirit, and while I enjoy my Judaism as a cultural touchstone, I no longer keep kosher nor do I only date Jews. I’ve met lots of secular Jews who were just as fun to date as the shiksas, but the more religious the girl, the less likely it would be they would be the type of girl who would enjoy the types of things that interest me: polyamory, Burning Man, travel, spontaneity. Hate to stereotype, but that’s been my experience.
Yeah, I’m sure it’s because of how funny you are. It’s kind of like how Iraqis hate us because of our freedom.
Total agree Leslie. The biggest reason nobody wants to date Jewish women (and more and more American women in general) is because they’re bossy, manipulative, and demanding. Nothing’s ever good enough and no matter how hard men try they’re all chauvinistic dogs who want women to be whores in the bedroom and slaves in the kitchen.
I am not very religious, however I would never think of marrying a gentile women.
I have nothing in common with a non-Jewish woman.
I also would find it extremely difficult to marry a Ashkenazi Woman simply because she in many ways are similar to the gentile woman.
Therefore I will marry only a Jewish woman born in the Arab lands or from parentage descendant from Arab lands etc.
Before I give my opinion, I would like to address the lady who spoke of the “submissive gentile woman.” I have lived with 4 gentiles. Two irish/english, one dutch, and one little blonde hair blue eyed from norway, who billed herself as every jewish boys dream (and she was). However these “submissive” gentile ladies were the most violent, mean, overbearing bunch of females I ever came in contact with. They looked great, though, and took care of themselves. The three jewish girls were fat as hell and were obsessed with their hair and nails and nothing in between. No one started out this way, but they all surprised me. I married one of the jewish girls and one of the non jews and have 2 kids and am now single.
So whats the answer. The jewish women were fat, demanding, verbally abusive and shaming. Ah, the shaming. the jewish girls had that entitlement, based on nothing, and the noses obnoxious and cloying and grating and annoying. The dating sites let them continue this unearned condescending behaviour. One ad said if you have baggage, move on. Another needs all these 6 figure incomes. These women are in their 50s.you aint that appealing, honey. Sarcastic and dillusional. Thanks mommy for the training. My advice, and im 63, is dears you need to finally shut up and be gratefull any if us look at you. Develop some gratitude. Drop the criticism. You all aint better than anyone. Learn how to be a kind, gentle, woman and we may gravitate towards you. oh, and for gods sake sleep with us and stop making us beg. Jewish men are not as loyal as you think. You are the only game in town in a relationship, so drop the nail file and go to wor or you might be surprised. As for the lady who thinks we run for the hills cause we need to rise to a higher level to date you, you have got to be kidding. We dont date you cause you have nothing but trouble and aggravation to give us. We learned a long time ago to stay away from you folks. Look in the murror. You might be surprised what you see. Cheers.
The Jewish men in my congregation seem to not have any pride about their Jewish background. In addition, there is a striking knowledge deficit. When you put those two factors together, you can’t expect them to seek out Jewish women. I think they marry out because they are embarrassed of their Jewish roots.
We need to start teaching children from a very early age to have pride in their Jewish heritage and instill Jewish knowledge. Other minorities, African-Americans, Hispanics, and Muslims are proud of their roots. What’s wrong with us.?
I’m a Persian American guy (Muslim) that has lived in several cities in the US. I’m fairly successful and well educated and pretty good looking. I am shocked by some of the comments from the Jewish guys. I have dated several Jewish gals and they were absolutely GREAT in bed. and gorgeous. They were very affectionate and loving and were always all about me. I’d love to date a Jewish girl again. Some of them can be feisty but you just gotta be man enough to put them in their place when need be….and women in general like that. They want a man to take control and let them know who’s the Boss. If you let a woman walk all over you she will and she’ll lose respect for you and it doesnt matter if you’re a doctor or a CEO of Fortune 500 company.
Let me start off by saying this “chat” goes both ways. One could say men also push away our Jewish lasses. I think its a cultural and gender issue. I’m going to agree with two previous posters: 1.) Jewish women in”general” are raised to marry a very good provider. 2.) Culturally Jewish men tend to be quite a bit nicer to women in general and at times this can come off as non-manly behavior.
Now to add my two pence worth and share my opinions on the matter…
I think their are more Jewish women than men in this country therefore the competition for successful men is a wee bit stiffer. In my opinion based on my own experiences Jewish women would rather marry a boring wealthy bloke than a funny intelligent university prof. It seems financial gain in of the highest importance. This notion in my opinion is totally flawed. It is also why the divorce rate is what it is. Money goes along way to help matters but in no way shape or form creates lasting happiness.
I’m a good looking bloke who is changing careers at 39 years old and have come to the realization that “many” not all Jewish women seem to care more about economic status versus substance. I for one would quite fancy an average home with a lasting marriage versus a massive home, paycheck, cars, and a crap marriage or home family life. Sadly, I think many Jewish women don’t share this view!
Have you ever watched people whilst out at dinner? I saw a Jewish couple the other night who hardly spoke a word to each other. Why be married then? And, its not just this one couple that I’ve witnessed like this. I’ve seen this time and time again.
We Jewish men aren’t without sin either. We tend to one-up our spouse after we get a bit of success. Jewish men sometimes give up on a marriage when things become to boring or hard. I’ve seen this time and again after there has a bit of success after struggling earlier in life.
I think Jewish men need to be more understanding and Jewish women need to be less shallow when choosing a mate. Just this Yid’s opinion.
Cheers!
WOW – lots of negativity here, more about the Jewish women than the Jewish men, but still…. I definitely learned something here. I have an Israeli mother and non-Jewish father, and am pro-Israel here in the SF Bay Area (don’t get me started about the pro-Palestinian liberals, Jews among them, around here). I am ready to date again, and I’m open to Jewish and non-Jewish men, based on my life experiences and not wanting to limit myself to 2 or 3 percent of men. In the past I dated several Jewish men I met via jdate. Mostly they were basically good people but had issues (i.e., big time momma’s boy). I place character above all else, and guess what, there are plenty of gentile men with great character (like my father). There are also plenty of wonderful Jewish women I’ve met – many marrying non-Jewish men. So not all Jewish women are going begging for a Jewish man and not all are bossy, domineering, complaining, overly critical, unhappy b$#*ches. I think this site and its postings self select for Jews who have not (yet) found their besherts. Jews who are happily married or otherwise attached to a fellow Jew or a gentile are not going to post here, are they? So there are desirable, single Jewish men and women out there – let’s not be too negative. One thing to consider is all the children from intermarriages from the last few decades. There are many of them, and hopefully some of the most extreme negative characteristics described here of Jewish women and men will go by the wayside in due time as this generation comes of age as hopefully many of these people would have had different possibly better upbringings.
As a woman, I want to comment on why Jewish men do not want to date Jewish women. Let me give a little about my background. I have an ethnically Jewish mom, American born, and (Ukrainian origin); and a Scandinavian/Italian American father. My dad was raised Christian but doesn’t practice. I am not a member of any religion and prefer to have tolerance for all religions and constantly wonder why so many people waste their time warring over religious beliefs. I believe EVERYONE is a child of G-d. Period. End of story. I have been married to a fully Jewish man for ten years– he is also non-religious and comes from a completely secular family. We have two lovely sons. So, I am going to talk about how I behave toward my husband versus how I see other Jewish women behaving toward their husbands, and then I am going to analyze the difference as well as the repercussions. My husband tells me that he was looking for someone sweet, nurturing, affectionate, and giving. It so happens that I was raised by my parents to be very kind, gentle, accommodating and nurturing. Though they both told me getting university degrees was mandatory (and I did get several) they also told me that I should never give up on the qualities of true femininity which are based in love, gentleness and kindness. My dad also told me that I could be intelligent and self-sufficient and have a career of my own WITHOUT being a ball-buster. Then, when I was in my twenties, a wonderful friend of mine gave me the advice to ‘be the type of person that I wanted to marry.’ So, I worked on becoming more nurturing, learned how to cook really well, built a high-powered corporate career, maintained an extremely feminine appearance, and went to the gym 5 days a week. I met my husband when I he and I were 29-years-old and it was love at first sight. Surprisingly, he was the first Jewish man I dated since I tended to live in parts of the country and parts of the world that did not have a large Jewish population. My husband, who was finishing his residency at that time, told me that he had waited to get married because, though he was introduced to many daughters of wealthy Jewish moguls from Bel-Air and Beverly Hills, he would never give them a second date because of their attitudes. While these women were likely stunning looking and had money to boot, my husband remarks it was too high of a price to pay since these women would have made him emotionally miserable. He said that no amount of money was worth that. Still, when he met me, I was a making a six-figure income and had my own large bank account and 401k that I had built solely on my own from hard work. My parents had raised me to realize that putting all financial burden solely on my future husband would be very stressful for him and that marriage was a partnership. They raised me to know that marriage in not about one spouse ‘waiting on the other’ and ‘worshipping the other’, but rather about two equals helping the other and picking up where the other leaves off. So, my husband says it was this attitude that attracted him to me and made him realize even after the first date that I was his one and only beloved– his very own b’sheirt. The other thing was is that I did not want to spend any money on a wedding– I had always felt it was a huge waste of money– and had always planned to elope. He was in total agreement with that and so we did. Of course, this has caused problems with my in-laws to this very day because they wanted to be the ones who planned the wedding they wanted etc etc. Now, I will contrast my own behavior with that of my mother-in-law, who also happens to behave in a way that I have noticed is quite common to many Jewish women. I am not going to mince words here when I talk about her behavior toward her own husband (my husband’s father). My mother-in-law treats my father-in-law worse than a pile of non-kosher dog food. She constantly verbally berates him. Everything he says, even if it is a comment as benign as, “Oh I love the flowers they planted in this park…” she will berate him and say,”Those flowers are so ugly– I hate tem and only stupid people think they are beautiful.” (I swear that is a real conversation between the two). Then, she never worked after they got married and has expected him to literally kill himself with hard work during their marriage so that she could have a mansion in the Valley and drive a new Lexus every year. But, when he comes home, she never has a fresh meal for him let alone kind words. Every time we visit them, I actually feel pain for him when I watch how she treats him. I do not understand how anyone can survive this kind of treatment without shriveling up and dying. Seriously! I am privy to the fact that my father-in-law takes prescription anti-anxiety medication just to deal with his daily life. He suffers debilitating panic attacks each time she goes on a verbal rant, which is several times a day. Has anyone seen the fictional character of “Suzy” in the show “Curb Your Enthusiasm”? Well, that is my mother-in-law, but add 20 years to Suzie and 70 pounds. My husband said that his dad tried to divorce his mom once after he and his brother were in college, but his mom was so vicious and outrageous that his dad felt it would be better to return than to follow through with the divorce– it was that bad. Of course, she treats my husband the same way, but to a lesser degree. She is always remarking that maybe he is getting too fat (he is a skinny guy) or that he looks too old (which is absolutely false) or that if it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t have ended up going to medical school. In addition to that, she pretty much expects her two grown sons to be emotional surrogates and confidants for her since she hates her husband (their dad) so much. In a nutshell, my mother-in-law is constantly critical to my father-in-law, she withholds physical affection, she works him to death, and she expects him to constantly kiss her ass and tell her how wonderful she is because she has said herself that she is a “Saint”. Yes, she is Jewish and she says she is a Saint. So, to sum this up, I have noticed these qualities to a lesser degree in many Jewish women. They have an attitude that they are entitled to everything and can treat their husband like dirt while he is not only supposed to support them with a large income but also meet her emotional needs and wait on her hand and foot. I am currently finishing my PhD in Psychology and I can tell women that uniformly, across the board, there is NO man on this earth that wants to be treated this way in his day-to-day life. I have seen over and over again that men want a woman who is going to make a peaceful, happy, and nurturing home– and a woman who, even in small ways, treats him like the King of his Castle. And you know what? There is NOTHING wrong with men wanting this. Women need to realize that you can attract more people to you with sweet honey than with putrid vinegar. So, if you are a Jewish woman, take a good look inside yourself and become and nurturing and sweet woman to your Jewish man. He deserves it!
I’ve read through several of the comments of Jews and non Jews
Jewish mothers wake up its a new day your son will probably marry a Non Jew because of you. Jewish men are realizing why would I find or what someone who constantly complains and belittles me to keep the Jewish religion alive . Jewish women wake up the men are waking up and saying I deserve better.
and I find it quite interesting. I’m currently married to a Jewish man
against his mothers wishes her dream was a beautiful white educated Jewish women from New York her exact words. I’m the complete opposite I’m biracial Brazilian and German beautiful educated women from LA. From the first meeting I found the relationship between mother and son to be quite disturbing his mother would constantly degrade and belittle him every chance she got I could not tolerate my then fiancé being treated so poorly by his own mother. I’ve read numerous post on Jewish moms and there sons and this is a common practice. Sad
I read through most of these, and did not see anyone comment on what I see plaguing (biblical term) both Jewish women and non-Jewish women. Women put off marriage for “career building” — which for many is continuation of drinking, travel and hook-ups for 10 years beyond what our parents did. (Sometimes much longer than 10 years.)
Now most are too polite to say it, but very few women look half as good at the time of their lives when their fertility is waning. In fact, the majority of women hit “the wall” by 35. American Jewish women were not known for heir natural good looks to begin with. Add to that 10-15 years of working, drinking and sexing and they are not a very appealing proposition marriage-wise.
Add to that they are asking guys who sometimes have been working tough jobs to be marriage material and not getting sex on a regular basis. These guys are asking themselves, “I slaved all this time to marry a bride that looks like my mother when I graduated college?”