Group therapy in a blog.
Online Dating
The Age Thing
1316 years
If asked, most people would say that they try not to judge people by their age. I was born in the 70s, and most of my friends were born in the 80s. Fine. No problems, except for when they refer to 80s music as “oldies,” which makes me wince a little.
If age is really relative, it might seem strange to establish age as a determinant in either dating or not dating a person. If theoretically, you’re only looking for someone to age 40, it makes no sense to reject someone just because he’s 41 – in all likelihood, he’s no different in terms of his ability to enjoy life and act young than any 40 year old is. And also, we all know people who act way older or younger than their actual calendar age, and so we know not to judge a book by how old its birth certificate says it is. (Yes, enjoy that mixed metaphor.)
But what’s happening online is something different. Everyone who fills out an online dating profile indicates a preferred age range for potential partners. And a woman in her thirties who indicates that she’s looking for a man in his thirties or forties will likely encounter that the men in their thirties and forties are looking for women in their twenties. Then comes the next part: men in their fifties contacting women in their thirties, even if that’s not the age range they’d prefer.
Of course, we’ve already said that age doesn’t matter. But is a woman still entitled to reject a man’s advances online if he’s over a certain age? After all, some of the men online are employing artificial age cutoffs themselves, mostly because it’s required by most dating services. Does this make her a judgmental person? Or is she just using her best judgment?
Why Men Think Women Are Crazy
1116 years
Look, everyone has the potential to get a little bit crazy about dating habits and preferences. But this article in New York Magazine – whether or not it’s true — is one of the reasons why men think women are bats*&it insane.
An excerpt, for entertainment purposes only.
-PUT the lid DOWN. Animals have better manners than most men
-no stockbrokers, unemployed musicians, actors, or baristas
-no ravers, goths, punks, or rude boys
-musical taste must include, but not be limited to, Kingston Trip [sic], Buffy Sainte-Marie, and Judy Collins
-name must not begin with an R, a J, or a B (Js are negotiable; Rs are not. Bs should consider that if they treat a cat nicely, it will respond accordingly; but if you scare it by approaching too fast, of course it will attack)
Sounds like a joke to me, especially as you get into the “certification” requirements and other pieces of insanity. If you must, read the whole thing here.
‘Modern Love': Having Your Own Cyberstalker
116 years
Amy Klein (who now writes the illustrated column “True Confessions of an Online Dating Addict“) was an editor at Los Angeles’ Jewish Journal when her stalker announced himself on his blog. From then on, she could rely on (and sometimes fear) his attentions. And, as she admits in this most recent “Modern Love” column, she found it “oddly flattering.”
When you’re a journalist, cataloging the words and actions of others, you believe you are granted a writer’s type of diplomatic immunity — inured to being written about, reported on and critiqued yourself. Well, that’s how it used to be, before the Internet.
As Amy discovered, the internet changed the rules, and some bloggers don’t believe that even these new rules should exist. For bloggers who run on attention, giving them any credence fuels them:
I wasn’t familiar with the ethics of blogging (or lack thereof) in terms of what someone can write about you — without fact-checking or sourcing or the other protections that journalists have in place. It was exasperating to have these random claims and judgments about me out there for anyone to read. But complaining about it, as I discovered, only gave him more material:
“About 10 p.m., I was wandering around when I saw the young female managing editor of The Jewish Journal, Amy Klein, dressed as a black cat. I waved at her and she waved a reproving finger back: ‘Don’t write about me on your blog!’ she reprimanded. Rabbi Wolpe then walked by. Amy said to him, while pointing at me, ‘This man is dangerous. He has this blog where he writes about people.’ â€
Writers want to know that we’re reaching people, that the random letters we string together will form a bridge between us and others, enabling us to connect better with people who are actively part of our present and who may be part of our future. Attention is flattering, but there’s a line of comfort that’s different for everyone. In person, when someone crosses a line, you say no, and that should be respected.
It’s been said that a person’s individual blog provides a space where that person can do whatever she or he wants–this is often articulated as “my blog: my rules.” When there’s this kind of feeling of anonymity/immunity in effect 24/7, why should you guard your tongue? Why shouldn’t you be “real,” or totally unfiltered? Why not say what you mean, when you mean it, and to hell with the world and its rules?
How to Succeed? Be a SSotM!
016 years
“Jewish Indiana Jones” Josh Bernstein’s been gaining visibility lately, with a loyal female fan base and this gushing piece in New York Magazine (see CK’s post at Jewlicious). Meanwhile, over in professional dating industry professional land, author and relationships coach Evan Marc Katz recently got engaged.
What’s the connection? Clearly Single Semites of the Month, once identified by JDatersAnonymous, are destined for eventual stardom. Josh Bernstein initiated the category in February 2006, and then went on to be featured in the NY Times before getting to NY Magazine recently. As for Evan, the author of two books on dating now, was a Single Semite of the Month back in April 2007, and recently announced his engagement.
So…not a guarantee, but there’s a high incidence of good things happening for SSotMs. Have one to recommend? See the guidelines here.
Meet Me at Shul
716 years
It’s been said (or rather, sung) that what the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.
But you know what the world really needs? More Jewish dating sites!!!
Here’s MeetMeAtShul, which, in addition to being another free Jewish dating site, has the added benefit of a URL that can be read two ways–“Meet Me At Shul” or “Meet Meat Shul.” (If I founded it, would you go to the MeetMeat Shul? And what would they serve at kiddush? Just curious.)
What JDate Needs is a Digital Culture Evangelist
916 years
In this excellent, sure-to-become-a-classic post, Leah Jones enumerates a helpful list of “How Social Media Ruined Jdate For Me,” which is less a complaint and more a series of observations about how JDate isn’t living up to the technical expectations of a generation that lives increasingly online, and which increasingly requires more advanced features in order to surf and connect effectively.
If Jdate is monitoring any of the blogbuzz about their product and if they care about creating a system that works better (two assumptions, I know), hopefully they’ll take this free advice from someone who could actually fetch a high price for this kind of corporate technology assessment. But we’ll see.
True Dating Tales…
617 years
A friend IMs me today…she says she “NEVER” gets e-mailed on JDate. But in the last week she’s had 3 e-mails:
One from a gay guy telling me I’m cute and he’d date me if he was straight.
One e-mail from a lesbian asking me if I ever get curious.
And the last e-mail was from an Italian guy who is not Jewish and does not believe in religion.
And now, cue the reader who tells me how great JDate is and that her cousins and her best friends met on the site and are now happily married with lots of little rugrats. Also, the reader who tells me that I’m just bitter. And then the other readers who leap to my rescue.
I love you guys!
No Daters Were Actually Harmed During This Simulation…
117 years
You know how speed dating works…after a series of short “dates,” you get to choose the people you’d like to date again. Unless you’re part of Moxie’s proposed new experiment, a modified take on speed dating designed to provide you with an honest assessment of what you’re doing wrong on dates. (Might I suggest the name of “Operation FunHouse Mirror,” to illustrate what it’s going to make participants feel like?)
I like this idea in theory. But I have to thank Moxie for adding the caveat that remarks about personal appearance would not be part of the assessment: “feedback should relate ONLY to the person’s demeanor and non-verbal cues.” Thank god.
In other simulated dating news, Zeenews reported that the “Choose-Your-Own-Adventure” series from the late 70s and early 80s inspired this study at the University of Illinois about “how people manage romantic ties by looking at the choices that people make in simulated online dating relationships.”
The online study, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, “took participants through a series of scenarios about a relationship with a fictional partner. Each scenario ended with two options, from which the participant chose his or her response. […] By assessing how much the person trusts, confides in or relies on a current or former romantic partner, the researchers were able to profile the participant’s level of level of security or insecurity, anxiety, or intimacy-avoidance in romantic relationships.”
Gotta have more details? Click here.
Free (J)Love
417 years
You probably got the email just like I did…but JLove, in celebration of its first anniversary, just went free. An excerpt from the email:
We have grown to be almost 50,000 Jewish singles for our first anniversary. As of tonight, you can SEND and RECEIVE E-mails, chat, IM and much more for NO COST at all. Now you can save your dollars for your dates and your shekels for someone special.
They have said this in the past, and it hasn’t meant totally free. (Maybe “almost free,” like this pizza place in Israel.) But now they swear, “free means free.” And that’s supposed to be free to send AND receive emails (what a concept), and that everything else is free. Not sure what the business model is here, but I’ll let the shareholders worry about that.
And in the meantime, you may also want to check out this graphic, which reminds us all to pick a username we’re comfortable with. Real comfortable with.
Hat tip to the Oyster.
I Know Sense of Humor is Objective, But…
817 years
So, isn’t McSweeney’s supposed to be a journal of advanced thought and/or humor? Isn’t it supposed to be boundary-pushing and inventive?
Isn’t it?
Because seriously, I can’t even find one thing about this piece that’s even approaching any of those things. I wish I could.
Maybe I’ve just seen too much.