Group therapy in a blog.
Oddly Enough: Jewish Singles Edition (JW)
Oddly Enough: Jewish Singles Edition
by Esther D. Kustanowitz
While the Internet brings us many wacky news stories, my favorites are usually from a section on the Reuters.com Web site called “Oddly Enough.†Here I find stories about the guy who mailed himself home to Texas as cargo so he could save on airfare, or the Japanese man arrested for trespassing at a high school while dressed in a girl’s uniform and a long wig. And because of stories like these, I have a blog category called “World of Weird.†Some of these stories, of a Jewish or secular nature, also seem to have bearing on singles and relationships. So, because everyone loves a list, here are five of my favorite recent odd singles-related stories.
1. Curb Your Enthusiasm. According to an official release, JDaters named Larry David their “Person of the Year†— not “Person They’d Most Like to Date†— that honor likely still belongs to perennial favorites Natalie Portman, Zach Braff and Sarah Silverman. Behind David were Silverman and actor Seth Rogen, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Senator Barbara Boxer and others, including Sen. Arlen Specter. This group has less to do with single people, and more to do with JDate tricking celebrities into engaging in free product placement. “My only condition in accepting this award is that I don’t have to go on a date,†said Larry David. We can relate. Still, because especially in Oscar season so many of us wish we could get awards for being someone’s favorite instead of going on dates, we can also forgive a little.
2. Fish Gotta Swim; Birds Gotta Fly. When science discovers a new fish is able to live on both land and in water, it also forces the reconsideration of a longstanding Jewish proverb (“a bird may love a fish, but where will they build a home?â€) against intermarriage. The mangrove killfish spends several months of every year out of the water and living inside trees, making it more adaptable than most single people. But if fish can live in trees, then will there be a point at which “a fish†and “a bird†could conceivably build “a house†together? Is this nature’s pro-intermarriage polemic? Please feel free to discuss this in a community forum titled “If a Couple is Part-Fish and Part-Bird, What Denomination is Their Shul?â€
3. Muslims: A Light Unto Our Dating Nation? A recent conference for Muslim matchmakers and concerned parents of singles was covered in the New York Times, and announcements of matchmakers fixing up Muslims in Mecca got media attention. Then the Times reported on the zebibah (Arabic for raisin), a darkened, rough patch on a man’s forehead resulting from pressing his head into the ground during five sets of daily prayers. This indication of devotion to faith is the equivalent of having tefillin marks on your arm that stay there all day, because that’s how tightly (and often) you bind them onto your forearm and between your eyes. The merger of faith and fashion could have significant ramifications on shidduch dating: in the future, tefillin marks could become the new black.
4. Rabbis Buy JDate Memberships for Single Congregants. What started with one rabbi in a Reform community is spreading to other communities and denominations. While some people are reacting negatively, perceiving the push toward endogamy as a condemnation of intermarriage, I’ve always thought that the role of the rabbi and the community should be to support congregants as they pursue the things that are important to them. So perhaps what’s needed is to make an online dating membership part of an optional membership package for Jewish singles. If they find the concept appalling for any reason, encourage them to reinvest that principle in the synagogue or community program of their choice. It’s a win-win for Jewish communal involvement.
5. Last Dating Resort: Prayer. From Tehillim (Psalms) at the grave of a rabbi known for making matches to prayers uttered over challah in an attempt to bring shidduchim to the tragically single, if you believe in prayer’s power to heal, you’re likely spending part of your daily supplications praying on behalf of poor, afflicted single people. Perhaps this prayerful energy might do more practical good if channeled into creating events that actually bring single people into contact with each other in real life. Just an idea.
Esther D. Kustanowitz is always on the lookout for the next trend or the next story that’s going to make her laugh. You can e-mail her at jdatersanonymous@gmail.com.
Not a completely new idea on the fish, there’s several species of frogs that do the same thing. Of course the Shul would be in both places, both low & wet & high & wet. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’
the reason why the JDate memberships were offered was in response to parents who disowned their kids for intermarrying. parents are entitled to disapprove of intermarriage, but they should do so in a respectful manner that does not involve never speaking to their kids again. it’s called “agree to disagree.” while the JDate memberships are certainly beneficial to those who have not yet walked down the aisle (pending they even want to do so), they are not a panacea for damaged familial ties that might have been caused by the parents’ inability to come to terms with the reality that they will have a non-Jewish son or daughter-in-law and the realization that their kids did not intermarry intentionally. the most logical thing to do here is to multi-task: continue to offer memberships to single congregants (but not to push it on them) in the hopes that they will find Jewish partners, but also to counsel the parents who are currently in estranged/non-existent relationships with their intermarried kids and to inform them that they’re only making things worse by acting this way. as someone who was raised Conservative (i’m currently Unaffiliated, and consider myself more cultural than religious. though i do find myself at Chabad every so often), i’m constantly in the middle on everything. i think in-marriage should continue to be encouraged (but without guilt and scare tactics), and the intermarried should have “a place in the tent.” is that reasonable? i’d like to think so.