Posts tagged breakups
We all thought it was harsh when Berger broke up with Carrie on a Post-It. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you probably won’t be seeing the “Sex and the City 2″ movie that’s due out this summer.) But now you don’t even have to commit the breakup yourself. That’s right: if you’re too cowardly to break up with someone via phone, text, email or even Post-It, now there’s help.
Jezebel found this story in Gothamist, about a guy named Bradley Laborman (holy pseudonym alert, Batman!) has stepped forward to be the jerk you’re convinced you can’t be, to break things off with your significant other or Facebook friend for fairly reasonable fees: $10 for a regular breakup, $25 for breaking an engagement, $50 for divorce. “He’ll even do it in person if you pay for airfare and hotel!,” reports Gothamist. These prices might seem like a steal until you realize the hidden cost: “the conversation will be recorded on the internet for all to hear.”
Yes, breakups are difficult, and we all sometimes wish we could outsource them to third-parties who could sever bonds with minimal emotional involvement from us. But most of us realize that we have to clean up our own messes, and that beyond that, we have a responsibility to the people we’re in relationships with to treat them with a modicum of respect, even in our endings.
Jezebel’s not a fan of iDump4U – they suspect that the guy’s enjoying it a little too much, and that beyond that, the site might actually be a hoax:
His method is quite sadistic. He calls the dumpee, announces that he is “Bradley, from iDump4U.com,” and mocks the poor listener if they don’t immediately understand what is going on. And most of them don’t. In the registration forms, Bradley openly admits that he is an asshole (“remember, we dump people for a living,” he writes, as if you needed a reminder), but it also comes across quite clearly in most of the phone calls. His brand of sarcasm is very heavy-handed, often to the point where you have to wonder why he is mocking the recently dumped simply for mishearing the name of his website. He even has a special category for the criers and the “psychos,” so you can pick-and-choose what type of breakup you would like to enjoy. While some of the breakup recordings are funny – especially when Maggie tries to insist that she shouldn’t be referred to as “stupid” because she manages to make a living sleeping with rich men – others are just plain sad. Particularly Randy, who seems genuinely heartbroken that the callous-sounding Lisa has moved on.
There’s never a good way to disappoint someone who’s hopeful, let alone to break someone’s heart. But this seems like the least good way: it turns a painful process into derision and schadenfreude-style entertainment for the internet masses.
Basically? If “outsource your breakup for cash so you don’t have to deal and humiliate your ex at the same time” were a Facebook status, I would “dislike.”
But what do I know? It’s not like I’m an expert on dating ethics or anything.
We don’t like to dwell on the negative here at JDA. Life is so serious and this field full of such gravitas that we like to make you smile, even laugh, as you journey with us through the valley of the shadow of dating (OK, so maybe that metaphor was slightly negative. But still, read on…).
And so I’m pleased to present these two things that may make you smile, chuckle, guffaw, or forward/retweet to a friend.
“You Make Me Touch Your Hands for Stupid Reasons”
From the creatives over at “You’re the Man Now, Dog” – conveniently abbreviated YTMND – comes this dramatic reading of an actual breakup letter. I suspect it’s a breakup email, but potato, potahto. I’d tell you to watch for my favorite part, but let’s face it – it’s pretty much all my favorite part.
“I’m typing this on Shabbat, but I pray from the Koren Sacks Orthodox Siddur”
Over at Jewcy.com, Patrick Aleph, a self-described “rocker dude” notes that now that he’s single and has decided he wants to marry Jewish, he’s having some trouble finding his ideal woman. In “Rocker Dude Seeks Bitchin’ Beshert,” he opines: “there are plenty of Gefilte-Fish-In-The-Sea, but I’m getting picky. I’ve boiled my soulmate to a very specific, bordering on psychotic, JDate Nazi-esque list of characteristics.” On the list for his beshert (soulmate):
Education: bachelors degree in something super practical from a pussy liberal state college
Boobs: proportional and large enough to give me hands full of fun
Got stories or links that make you laugh? Share them with us in the comments, or email me at jdatersanonymous at gmail.com.