Is 2008 the “Year of the Matchmaker”?
There’s compelling evidence to suggest that 2008 is the Year of the Matchmaker. There seems to be a coalescence of various iterations of matchmaking happening, which I chronicled in “2008: Year of the Matchmaker?” last week’s article in the NY Jewish Week.
An excerpt:
2008 was about a week old when the influx of matchmaker-related services started hurling themselves like Anna Karenina on the tracks of my singles-columnist life. “Are you a matchmaker?†a reader from Israel queries. “Have you ever used a matchmaker?†asks a friend in Arizona. A matchmaker emails, not about a match, but to insist that I remove a benign blog announcement about one of her events. She is attempting to cleanse the internet of all mentions of her that aren’t glowing testimonials. The e-mails are constant — from SawYouAtSinai and JRetromatch; from individual matchmakers; from articles in newspapers, from blog posts, and of course, from my Facebook friends. Is 2008 the Year of the Matchmaker?
Year of the Matchmaker?†one friend snarked. “Is that like the Year of the Rat?†(Um, sometimes.) As the year continues, so does the trend. A newspaper requests a comment about matchmaking. A magazine pegs me to do an in-depth story about matchmaking, for virtually no money. (No thank you.) I get an e-mail about the “Make-a-Shidduch Foundation†name, which is only a “Shidduch†away from the “Wish†that another organization grants to kids with cancer.
And then there are the stories: Friend 1’s matchmaker told her she isn’t attractive enough for that yenta’s clientele. Friend 2 tells me of her matchmaker’s assessment: that — even though her salary is at least triple mine — she is unmatchable because she doesn’t have a college degree. Friend 3 notes that her matchmaker has matched her with men incapable of basic conversation, “not appropriate for her on any level.â€
I know it works for some people, and God bless them. But I admit my bias: I don’t love matchmakers. I had a very lovely matchmaker on Saw You at Sinai, but no successful matches resulted. An offline matchmaker with a religious clientele first expressed horror at my “single, never-married†status (“What? Not divorced? Not widowed?â€), and tried to match me with secular men opposed to Shabbat and kashrut, because in her book, that’s what Conservadoxy was. One religious blogger I know reported that her friend had uploaded a new photo to her online matchmaker, and received a note back from the shadchan with the word “EW†in the subject line and a body text that included “berating and ridiculing remarks regarding this woman’s picture.â€
Thanks to everyone who helped out with this. I protected your identities, but am happy to identify you (with a link if you’d like…) with your permission…Read more here.
Given that Facebook is what most twenty-somethings are using to hook up, and the fact that within the 30 plus crowd, many seem to agree that Jdate is no longer a viable option (because everyone on there has either dated or declined every one else), it seems there may be something to the matchmaking thing. Those repugnant shtetl-like matchmakers who won’t set you up because you’re single and it’s not because your husband’s dead, however, make me ashamed to share a religion with them.
Everyone needs friendlier math. And a college degree is not the sine quo non for a good marriage partner nor a mother/father. Tell it to the Hassid. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
sounds like the matchmakers are pickier than the people seeking to be matched up with someone.
Matchmaking is alive and well, especially if you have a meddling Jewish mother.
If you believe in “six degrees of separation†why not apply the idea to dating. A recent Temple University study revealed “63% of married couples met through a network of friends.†Our loved ones instinctively want to help us find companionship. If it can help discover your soul mate, why not let friends and family play matchmaker?
My bigger concern regarding online dating (such as JDate) is privacy – do you agree privacy and online dating are mutually exclusive?
Because profiles/photos must be searchable by other members, there is a requirement to surrender control of sensitive personal information. Amazingly, millions of online daters willingly share this private information. But, I am not one of them.
However, there are also millions of single adults that avoid online dating because they place significant value upon personal privacy and safety. For these people, exposing their personal lives on the public internet for anybody and everybody to search and find is not acceptable.
Sparkbliss (http://www.sparkbliss.com) is fueling the “private online dating†revolution. Have you heard of it?
Sparkbliss works like this: each member develops a private network of trusted friends and families who can view his/her profile and make romantic introductions on their behalf. Members have complete control over who they invite into their private network. Some people add as many connections as possible, while others are more conservative. Adding “super connectors,†those people that seem to know everybody maximizes your ability to find the right person.
With online dating, people are often untruthful, superficial, and subjective. Online dating behavior is frequently disingenuous; outdated photos and plagiarized profiles are commonplace. In contrast, Sparkbliss enforces honesty and integrity, because it is moderated by people that know you. Sparkbliss goes a step further to mitigate concerns over safety by recommending introductions include some kind of reference and testimonial.