Esther Kustanowitz

Just when you think it’s over…

A few weekends ago, I watched the final season of “Sex and the City,” with DVD extras, commentary on the last few episodes, etc. The truly preposterous alternate endings made me appreciate the “Carrie and Big Take Manhattan” scenario that the series decided to go with. I won’t ruin it for you here, in case for some reason, you’re super-stoked to discover these decoy endings for yourself. But I wouldn’t bother. You’ll just find yourself staring at the TV, saying out loud “That’s so stupid!”—trust me on this one.

In the interim, there’s other SATC related writing going on out there in the blogosphere.

Dawn Eden ponders the meaning of single against the backdrop of SATC, and proposes the alternate descriptor: “singular.” As the writer of a twice-monthly column called “First Person Singular” (which I named, BTW), I can’t help but relate to that sentiment.

Denise (finally) watches the last episode of SATC (where HAS she been?) and is pensive, envying different aspects of each of the main characters.

I read on the subway this morning that Kristin Davis and Steve Martin may be dating. I think he’s brilliant, and Lord knows, I get the appeal of funny. But I’m not sure how I feel about about this. I feel like he may be a little smug for her (side effect of comedy brilliance, as I’ve seen), but what do I know? I wish them well…

And of course, we’ve got SJP in those annoying GAP ads. And making deals with HBO to develop new shows. Think any of them will be about single Jewish gals living in NYC? Not likely.

…in the JDaters Anonymous percolator… dating matters a-plenty, from religious rules against touching members of the opposite sex to hooking up, from the Friend Zone to sparkage, and maybe a little Sex and the City reflection here and there…

In the interim, check out musical condoms.

That’s right. I said “musical condoms.”

Now, you can play it safe along with music! A scientist has come up with musical condoms that apart from being a contraceptive gives you the opportunity play you own tone that gets louder as the sex gets more vigorous. Different lovemaking positions determine what tune is played by the condom, which also works like a normal contraceptive.The rubber has tiny sensors connected to a mini electronic device that produces the sounds. “But there is no danger of being electrocuted,” the Sun quoted Dr Chausovskiy as saying, who has teamed up with a manufacturer to export the condoms to Britain. They will cost about 20 per cent more than normal condoms. “But people will pay for the extra stimulation,” he added.

I bet they will. And this also gives the word “vibratto” a whole new meaning.

If you’re dating online or off-, or know people who are engaged (natch) in the pursuit of the healthy, long-term relationship, you’re probably like me. You’ve got complaints. And theories. And ideas. And frustrations. And successes. (Well, maybe fewer successes, but they’re out there.) One of the reasons I founded this blog was to provide a forum for all those opinions and experiences. The way it’s worked out, a majority of the time, I feel like it’s just me pontificating. So here are a few other voices to balance this community into the approximation of a democracy.

Annabel Lee, coming to you (LIVE!) from her kingdom by the sea, is wondering why she’s on JDate, given the roundup of inappropriately-aged and -intellected men who are contacting her.

On Jewschool, “Ari Frumsky” writes about having attended the Orthodox Caucus about (what else?) the shidduch crisis. He notes two standouts, Alon Krausz of Jewishtypes.org (which matches people by personality type) and Isaac Galena, of bangitout.com.

Krausz’s site sounds like a good idea, and I’ve written about it here before, right after I signed up months ago. Since I haven’t been matched yet, I’m going to assume that I’m just generally unmatchable (a suspicion that’s slowly being confirmed by my experience with Saw You at Sinai, but that’s another post for another time).

But back to Galena, who noted that “young Jews on the Upper West Side aren’t looking to be married as much as they are looking to be happy.” Honestly, I don’t always like Bangitout. But I’m in this case, I’m gonna have to go with an “Amen, my brother.” Happiness first, then marriage. Even Tevye’s daughters knew that.

Randomly, a friend of mine had something to say today about the personality typing as matching criteria, which I wanted to share with you: “Like all the other dating solutions out there, I think this is much of a gamble as anything else. Sometimes people with personality types that seem destined for eternal conflict wind up with happy marriages, while those with the “right” type for each other just don’t click. Further proof that there is no magical solution to the inexact science of dating and match-making.”

What do you think?? Can a business model or science model be applied to dating? Is it all luck, or does “strategery” enter into it at all? Is there a set of rules that can be followed, or is every situation different? Do opposites attract, or is it important for people to be the same or similar in order to make a relationship work?

Lots of questions. Feel free to discuss these, or add some of your own.

A letter from a reader, requesting your sensitive feedback, gentle readers…

D. writes:

Right now, I’ve got a profile on match.com. In recent months, though, profiles have gone stale — it seems like every woman there loves to laugh, loves candlelit dinners and romantic evenings by the fireplace, and wants a knight in shining armor who is as comfortable in a tux as in a pair of jeans. Sigh.

Anyhow, during a conversation at a family gathering a few months ago, I mentioned my the difficulty in meeting people in the city I just moved to. My aunt and a cousin said “Have you tried JDate?”

“I don’t think I can, because I don’t have the ‘J’.”

You see, Dad’s Jewish (Conservative, if that matters at all), and Mom is Lutheran. Dad isn’t that observant and wasn’t very enthusiastic about raising me as a Jew, so it was off to church, Sunday school, and confirmation classes. In the city where I grew up, the Jewish community is prominent but small, and intermarriage is common. (By the way, they’ve been happily married for over 40 years.)

I’m a terrible Lutheran. When I do go to church, it’s usually a Unitarian-Universalist congregation. My own personal spiritual beliefs lean more towards simple monotheism than Christianity with the Trinity, the Holy Ghost, and all that. I live in an area where the vast majority of the city’s 80,000 Jews live. I have a Jewish last name. I’m told I look Ashkenazi. I don’t have a problem with raising my children, if I have any, as Jewish. I’ve got half of my family begging me to meet and marry a Jewish girl.

My question to the JDaters: do you see anything wrong with a half-breed shagitz on JDate? Of course, if I did have a profile there, I’d explain my background and offer fair warning that I am technically a goy boy. I’ve heard that there are non-Jewish women on JDate who are looking specifically for a Jewish man, but what about gentiles looking for Jewish girls? Since the Jewish dating pool here is already very large, would it be a futile attempt?

My response, which you are free to agree or disagree with, follows:

My personal opinion is that JDate is for men and women who identify as Jews. But the reality is that there are many non-Jewish men on JDate (I have no idea about non-Jewish women on the site, as that’s not where I’m looking…)

If you do join JDate, be honest about your religious background. And if you’re looking to escape the cliches, you may be out of luck. They’re EVERYWHERE.

Readers?Anyone else care to respond?