Esther Kustanowitz

University-based social networking tool Facebook is all the rage these days for the college and recently-graduated set. And sometimes social networking gets extremely socially intimate. For instance, take this story of girl sees boy’s Facebook profile and is intrigued, sends him a “poke,” he pokes back out of courtesy, and they set up a date. Three Stella Artoises later, they move from the common room into the girl’s bedroom to “see some of my books,” she says:

But when the conversation turned to late cultural theorist Michel Foucault’s interpretation of religion under late capitalism, Gold and Larson found themselves at an awkward impasse. “I was shocked when he said he believed in ‘a greater spirit,'” Larson told The Herald yesterday. “I mean, how was I supposed to respond to that?” Unsure of how to move beyond the topic of God and religion, copulation of the most “awkward, perfunctory variety” ensued, according to Larson.

Well, who hasn’t been there…when philosophy fails, there’s always fornication. Of course, there’s the awkwardness of him sneaking out the next morning, and her sending him a note asking him to be in an “It’s Complicated” relationship with her, which he thinks is too much of a commitment. Why be tied down, man? Especially to someone who doesn’t believe in “a greater spirit”? I mean, how would they raise the kids?

On an ending note, I do need to state that I believe this is a joke from the good people at Brown. The date on the story is April 3, which is close enough to April 1st to give one pause, and if you need any further convincing, check the woman’s thesis title. Still, entertainingly written and conceived, and not altogether impossible in today’s sexually casual but intellectually complicated world.

The good news is I’ve solved the conflict between Muslims and Jews. All we have to do is agree that the opposite sex is evil and that singles should only mix in pursuit of immediate marriage. Whaddya say, kids? Doable?

Those of you who are loyal Jewlicious or JDaters Anonymous readers may remember a post I did last year about a site for frum (religious) teens called, well, FrumTeens, which had a post cautioning girls (in 71 different “reasons”) to “Never never never talk to boys…” According to “It’s Muslim Boy Meets Girl, But Don’t Call it Dating” (NY Times), American Muslims “equate anything labeled “dating” with hellfire, no matter how short a time is involved.” (Well, they’re kind of right. Or at least it feels like hellfire sometimes. But usually a trip to the doctor clears that up.)

The couple of hundred people attending the dating seminar [at the Islamic Society of North America’s annual convention, which attracted thousands of Muslims to Chicago over Labor Day weekend] burst out laughing when Imam Muhamed Magid of the Adams Center, a collective of seven mosques in Virginia, summed up the basic instructions that Muslim American parents give their adolescent children, particularly males: “Don’t talk to the Muslim girls, ever, but you are going to marry them. As for the non-Muslim girls, talk to them, but don’t ever bring one home.”

But what about online dating and email messages? Surely that constitutes innocent and pure behavior, providing a safe space for Muslim singles to interact? Not so fast…basically, the article tells us, to Muslim ears, “dating” is a euphemism for premarital sex. Or, as the dating seminar moderator put it, “All of these are traps of the Devil to pull us in and we have no idea we are even going that way.”

Still, most American Muslims acknowledge that the optimal mate-finding process–an arranged marriage–is unattainable in this day and age. But they still want to be involved in the process.

So here’s the idea…a Joint Muslim-Jewish Task Force on Eradicating the Evil Process of Dating in the Modern World So That Singles Can Hurry Up and Get Married Already But Not to Each Other (Heaven Forbid). The JMJTFoOEtEPoDitMWSTSCHUaGMABNtEO(HF) may just revolutionize relationships, between Jews and Muslims as well as among their respective singles populations. And you heard it here first, folks…

I’ve been compiling some recent posts by other people that I thought were worth linking to, and was hoping that they’d gel into some larger lesson about dating, but I seem to be lacking the necessary gelatin. So here they are, sans great insight from me, presented on their own merits. Discuss amongst yourselves…

Forbes had done a story on whether men should marry career women, and the answer was a resounding no. So naturally, Forbes asked one of their female writers, a career woman herself, to respond. Essentially, she tells dudes to start going to the gym. Elsewhere, a woman posts about being told by her laundry lady that she’d better hurry up and get married; the only upside is she gets Gawker traffic for it. And EW’s Popwatch (with an assist from me) coins a new word that has dating lexicon potential: ventimentality.

On the Jewish side of things…At the Philly Jewish Exponent, a writer gives his moderately amusing advice about what to do and not do at your next singles event…Draydel writes about having been to a singles weekend, and discovering that men have insecurities too, she feels a new empathy for them, which is very magnanimous and open-minded of her. But I suspect there’s no forgiving what happened to this friend of Chayyei Sarah’s, who went on a date with a guy who was already on a date with someone else. I only wish I were kidding. A real disturbing story that might make you hate men (or at least, men who behave like the dude in the story did). So consider yourselves warned.

And in other news, I’m nearly broke. Donations accepted via PayPal and in the form of magical voodoo rituals that ensure prosperity. No goat sacrifices, please.

Because of various Blogger problems and a customer service department that rivals JDate in the race for the coveted title of “Ignoring Your Customers,” I’m going to be moving this blog over to a new Typepad-powered site. So look for a new template, new graphics and photos, and most importantly, a new URL that’s shorter, sleeker, and 50% more flame retardant.

More on this situation as my technological ability develops. Stay tuned!