Esther Kustanowitz

Uh oh. Attention ladies: Better buy your bottles of blonde hairdye and schedule yourselves for a brain reduction, if you want to get married.

The London Times reports that while women are really looking for brains in a man, not the same thing can be said for men seeking women. The study they cite measured the IQ of 900 men and women when they were 11 years old. Then 40 years later, they were revisited to find out if they had ever married.

“The finding that IQ in early life appears to be associated with the likelihood to marry is important because factors in childhood may determine a person’s marital status in adulthood, which may in turn influence future health and mortality,” says the study, to appear in the Journal of Personality and Individual differences.

For boys, there is a 35% increase in the likelihood of marriage for each 16-point rise in IQ. For girls, there is a 40% drop.

I guess this means that the smarter we are, the more hesitant we are to rush into a relationship that isn’t meant for long-term success. At least, that’s how I’m spinning it. Brilliant, did you say? Damn you.

Hat tip: Janice

You all know I complain a lot about JDate. It almost seems that I wouldn’t be a single woman if I didn’t. But it’s not peer pressure, or the desire to get along with my singleton peers, that drives my dissatisfaction. It’s because of a basic fact about JDate. They’re in it for the money, and don’t care about customer service.

In any other business scenario, this would spell disaster. But they’ve got the brand working for them. Even if the most frequent online incidence of the word “JDate” is inevitably followed by someone’s account of how horrible their experience is, brandwise, they’re the preeminent Jewish dating service, referenced on The West Wing, relentlessly in Jewtopia, and in any other number of pop culture contexts. Despite the dissatisfaction of many members, who keep quitting and rejoining because they think they have no choice, the number of “members online” seems to keep growing.

Many have speculated about this, and I think the reason is clear. Even if you quit a thousand times over, your profile remains active. It is sent to people in “Your Matches” emails even if you quit JDate, met someone elsewhere, married and have a few kids. If you have not specifically requested the removal of your profile, as far as JDate is concerned, you’re still available.

Now, many of us have suspected that, despite their poorly named Customer Care Department, no one over there seems to care about us, the multitude of customers who enable JDate to exist. Feeling ignored is something we all experience. But now, my correspondence with them proves it.

First, that initial letter I sent them (and their completely unacceptable response). Then, there was another letter, that I wrote as a member of the press who was thinking about giving them some publicity, that received an auto-response. Never, never send a member of the press an auto-response. (And I didn’t even go to business school.)

And now, there’s this–my newest letter, followed by their response. I’m uncharacteristically terse because they limit me to 150 words (as if I could sum up what’s wrong with them in 150 words, without using the word fackockta):

12/28/2004
From: Esther’s Profile Name
Reason: General question or suggestion
There’s no one option why I’m canceling: JDate is frustrating and ineffective. Your computer-generated customer service responses are inadequate. You delete words from people’s profiles that changes the meaning and sound of their original essays. You should focus on customer service, on actually responding to people’s queries. If this message gets an auto-response like all the other ones, I’m showing all my friends how you “value” your customers.

Ok, can’t say I didn’t warn them. Here’s their response to my concerns, and my comments in brackets.

From: JD Comments
Sent: Wednesday, December 29, 2004 3:44
Subject: Re: General question or suggestion

Dear Member,

To change how often you receive “Your Matches” emails and other informational communications from us, go to Member Services and click “Off-site email alerts and settings.” There, you will see a list of options to choose from.

[Um, guys? I know how to do this. I’m NOT an idiot. That’s not what I asked.]

If you would like to stop the automatic renewal of your Premium Membership, go to “Cancel Your Premium Membership” in Member Services. This will stop any future billing yet allow you to enjoy all subscriber benefits through the remainder of your paid term. Your profile will also stay on the website for free for as long as you wish. *

[I’ve already done this, Brainiacs. Then a screen popped up asking me why I’m quitting, and none of the reasons quite fit. That’s why I’m contacting you. And by the way, I’m gone as of January 23.]

If you want to remove your profile and stop getting email from us, just login and go to “Remove Your Profile” in Member Services.

[Of course, you know I can’t do that. If I’m Jewish and single, I have to stay out there. And part of being out there, unfortunately, is having a JDate profile. This sucks, man.]

We hope that you have been enjoying the website and meeting some wonderful people.

[Um, I’m gonna go with no, I haven’t. What I have found out is that on the whole, Jewish men either come on too strong, or they’re total wusses. Or maybe they’re just not that into me. And while we’re at it, I’d like to note my resentment of one of the “reasons for quitting” that you list: “I’m giving up on finding a soulmate.” Why would you do that? It’s like “Ok, leave if you want to, but know that if you give up, you’ll be alone forever.” You suck, JDate. There, I said it.]

JDate.com Customer CareJDate.com — the best place on the Internet to meet quality singles and find your perfect match

[Umm, no–it obviously isn’t.]

Let’s recap what I asked for, and how many of my complaints they addressed. And let’s see which of my readers can discern the intricate mathematical pattern:

• JDate is frustrating and ineffective. This is where they should have said, I’m sorry that you’re finding our system frustrating, but here’s who to call, or what to do…NOT ADDRESSED
• Your computer-generated customer service responses are inadequate. NOT ADDRESSED
• You delete words from people’s profiles that changes the meaning and sound of their original essays. COMPLETELY NOT ADDRESSED
• You should focus on customer service, on actually responding to people’s queries. HMM. NOT ADDRESSED
• If this message gets an auto-response like all the other ones, I’m showing all my friends how you “value” your customers. ADDRESSED, BUT BY ME, IN THIS POST.

I swear my blood pressure just jumped. Maybe I’ll do some nice, calming work to even out my keel. If anyone has horrid tales, or better yet, good experiences about JDate’s response to customers to relate, let me know. I’m hoping that their responses to me constitute a response anomaly. But somehow, realistically, I don’t think it is…

*On the previous “An Answer” post, an Anonymous reader wrote:
I wrote Jdate and asked them to inform those women [who wrote to me] that I cannot retrieve their messages or respond, but it doesn’t look like they will do so. In a sense, they are damaging my reputation and in a way hardly consistent with traditional Jewish values. Morever, since I can’t log on, I can’t even delete my profile so that it doesn’t continue to happen in the future. If they lock me out because I no longer subscribe that’s fine, but then they should also remove my profile, rather than keep my face and profile up and count me as one of their available-to-meet members.

One December, in a city by a river, there was a tower with twinkly lights. Amidst the sparkle, a humble humor, a human romance brought further illumination to a City of Lights. On a cold night, you can’t beat the romance of an engagement in Paris.

As Ari said in her congratulatory comment, Deb and Alex “bring hope to the desert.”

Here’s a prayer: to more hope, less desert. (And more dessert, if I get a third wish. But if only two wishes, then more hope and less desert.)

Got a degree? Then Degreedate.com wants you to join their site:

Degreedate.com started with one goal in mind: to be the best meeting place for educated singles online. At degreedate.com, we believe education is one of the key ingredients of compatibility, and for some, the most important. Interests and lifestyles are greatly influenced by a person’s educational background, and we honor the hard work you’ve put in to better yourself. We’ve built an entire site around your achievements, because we believe you shouldn’t have to worry about the tedious process of seeking a match; your time should be spent considering the list of prospects that will lead you to a more fulfilling life.

By the way, Degreedate’s acceptable degrees include an Associate’s Degree and a Bachelor’s Degree. First two thousand people to register get free lifetime memberships!!