Group therapy in a blog.
Uncategorized
JA POTPOURRI
020 years
Mmmmm. J.A. Potpourri smells nice.
If you’re not too busy waiting for my new interview with Stacy R. from The Apprentice to appear in the Jewish Week, you might want to check out these sites for dating-related musings, trends and topics:
He’s Her Lobster…
Jack’s Shack does the math for you, and provides you with a topic that, if employed correctly, will drive single women crazy. Personally, I didn’t think you guys needed suggestions of who to drive single women batty. I thought it just came to you naturally. My bad.
“Taking one for the team, so your buddy can live a dream…wingmaaaan!â€Â
(I do love that Budweiser commercial.) A nod to the PepGiraffe for turning me on to this article from a couple of weeks ago in the NY Times. Apparently, the print version of this article is in that monstrous pile of newspapers and magazines on the floor of my apartment.
If you’ve ever thought you’d be good at matching people up in bars, you might want to sign up to be a wingwoman. $30 an hour, you’d go to bars with single men and go “What about her?†If the guy nods yes, you go and chat up the woman, and then transition to the introduction to your client. The article is here and the website is here.
Of course, if you prefer your winging to be wirtualâ€â€umm, virtual, try the Arriviste Press Virtual Wingman.
Bex the Rockstarâ€â€A Closet Romantic?
I couldn’t believe it either. But my controversial ex-camper’s now backlashing against the Sex and the City approach to New York dating, and has launched a mission to return to those misty, black-and-white days of “highballs and witty discourse.â€Â
A Love that Would Look and Sound Like a Movie
Blaire Brings an Apple to the Teacher
Blaire, of MarryBlaire.com fame, is dating a teacher. They’ve been together four weeks, which is longer than most of the relationships I’ve had. So, more power to her.
Love Coach
JDaters Anonymous reader Janice Bennett, a nationally consulted expert on relationships and the Love Coach for JMatch.com, sends out a regular newsletter with resources, book reviews and announcements of online classes she’s running. Among other things, her site features a blog, and a book review of “He’s Just Not That Into You” here.
Want more? As we used to say back in the day, tough noogies. Ya gotta wait.
AN “ANSWER”
320 years
And the word “answer” is in quotes because I’m not sure this response constitutes an answer.
JDate responded to my query.
Dear Member,
All profiles are active until a member decides to remove his or her profile from the site. As a member, you have the option to sort your search preferences by: New Members, Most Active, and Most Popular.
If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact us any time at our toll free number: 1-877-453-3861. You can also reach us at: 1-323-836-3000.
JDate.com Customer Care
I posted a longer version of my letter to them yesterday, but then had to send this shorter version to JDate, because they only allow 500 characters of feedback.
You sent me, among my matches, a guy WHO HASN’T LOGGED INTO JDATE SINCE NOVEMBER OF 2002. Why send out a profile of a member who is not active?
Are all the profiles that were ever put up still floating out there unless their owners specifically delete them? When you claim over 500,000 members, does that include all the people who have ever registered, most of whom may not log in regularly? Even if they do, they may not be paying members and therefore unable to view messages anyway?
What do you think, my readers? Is this an acceptable response to the question I sent them?
LETTER TO JDATE
320 years
I just sent this letter to JDate. Well, an abbreviated form of the letter, anyway. They only allow 500 characters of feedback. So I had to be terser. I hate terse.
So here’s my “director’s cut,” with a paragraph of “extra footage.” Enjoy…
Dear JDate,
You sent me matches. Never mind that most of the time these matches are people I already know and who are definitively NOT my matches. I understand that the nature of search engine-generated emails results in a personalized email that’s not really personalized.
This time, you sent me a terrific guy! Cute, sounded smart from his profile (which is harder to find than it should be), and WHO HASN’T LOGGED INTO JDATE SINCE NOVEMBER OF 2002. Suffice it to say, he’s probably not expecting to hear from me. He could be married with a kid and a half by now.
Why send out a profile of a member who is decidedly not active? It’s false advertising. Isn’t there a certain time (say, two years) after which profiles need to be renewed or lost? Or are all the profiles that were ever put up still floating out there unless their owners specifically delete them? When you claim over 500,000 members, does that include all the people who have ever registered, most of whom may not log in regularly, or even if they do, may not be paying members and therefore unable to view messages anyway?
ONLINE DATERS ANONYMOUS
320 years
Me: “Hi, my name is Esther.”
Everyone else: “Hi, Esther.”
Me: “And I’m addicted to joining internet dating sites.”
OK, so I’m not addicted yet, but my rejoining of JDate this weekend (and a hot tip from P-Life) led me to check out Frumster, the “Orthodox” Jewish dating site. I even put up a profile, but so far, the profile I’m most impressed with is mine. It sounds conceited, I know. I didn’t think finding an interesting profile that communicates something about a person was that difficult, but apparently I have very high standards. I’m compiling new items for my next list of “internet profile comments that irk me.” For instance, someone who describes himself as a “gourmand,” when he clearly meant “gourmet.” Add to this the regular list of internet dating cliches, like “I love to laugh,” and I’m hating this whole process anew. Still, I’m trying to be “out there,” and open-minded.
Even with the new category (“Traditional and growing”), I suspect most of the people on Frumster are too religious for me. Meantime, on JDate this week, a man who seemed very interesting and interested suddenly suspended his pursuit when he learned I wouldn’t meet him for coffee on a Saturday afternoon–he’s not even observing “the big holidays” these days, he said. Where’s the middle ground?
MORE JEWISH MOTHERS GONE WILD
120 years
Well, this isn’t exactly “wild” (at least not in the sense that some Googlers may have been hoping), but it does show you how much P-Life’s mother cares about his happiness. He recognizes in the post that, even if his approach to life’s a little different than his mother’s, that his mother’s love is wonderful and meaningful, and that he’s grateful for her efforts.
Aww.
It’s often hard to integrate our parents into the informational loop when it comes to our dating lives. Especially in the early stages of relationships, where we ourselves are reluctant to get too excited about someone (and thereby incurring the infamous “jinx”) we don’t want to indicate to our parents that there’s a hope only to dash it a few dates, or weeks, later. God knows, it’s hard enough to admit it to ourselves. We love our parents, and know their intentions are good. But sometimes their concern for us feels like an added source of pressure that we just don’t need.
When my parents ask after my social life, I try to let them know that I haven’t given up, that I’m putting myself out there, and that my social circles are expanding. It’s all I can do, and I have to hope that they’ll understand that. I think they do.
But that doesn’t mean they stop asking…
JEWISH MOTHERS GONE WILD
620 years
This is an article from an issue of New York magazine from this summer. It’s the story of a mother who impersonated her daughter on JDate to try to get said daughter dates with nice Jewish boys.
The mother’s name is Joyce, and her daughter is 24 years old:
Joyce paid $28.50 for a one-month membership and started scoping out potential dates — “I was looking for a doctor.” The only time she felt weird was when someone asked about her interests, and she thought, How would a 24-year-old respond to that? Then she printed out and ranked some promising profiles, and gave them to her daughter, who’d been away on vacation.
The response: “She started crying that I ruined her life,” says Joyce. “It was over-the-top, scary.” Joyce’s daughter (who refuses to give any name at all) rolls her big brown eyes and says, “You’re lucky I didn’t sue you.”
Have I mentioned that I’m more grateful for my mother every day?
O THE HUMANITY!
320 years
I sensed it was coming, felt it in my joints like a coming storm. I know JDate’s bad for me, but I decided to give him one more chance. I even paid his way back into my life. Why? Because of a tricky little hope that flickers within me, threatening to extinguish itself. Rather than smother the smallness of that entity bigger than an ember and less sturdy than a flame, I decided once more to nurture it, to really give it a go.
Even after becoming violently ill after viewing one of the profiles, I decided to give it one more chance. It’s an experiment of site and self, and if nothing else, fodder for my creativity. But primarily, I’m hoping for a couple of dates with guys who have a social clue and a sense of humor, and who aren’t completely averse to Jewish practice in some form (I know it’s JDate, but you’d be surprised).
So you see, hope springs eternal. Or for at least another month.
“WELCOME TO JEWTOPIA”
020 years
Overheard at the box office when I was waiting to interview the writer-actors of Jewtopia…
“Is this play still going to be funny if you’re not Jewish?”
I couldn’t hear the answer. I assume they said yes. I think it’s hard to say absolutely, but I think most New York area people, Jewish or non-, will find humor in this play’s words, situations and performances…of course, there were a few people who didn’t find anything redeeming about it at all, and the writer-actors addressed that in our interview.
Anyway, my new article about Sam and Bryan and their opus Judaicus, is now available online:
P-LIFE GOES SHADCHAN
120 years
Forget the disappointments you might have had with Saw You at Sinai, JDate, Frumster or any other attempt at online matchmaking.
JDaters Anonymous regular Passionate Life has taken on the job of shadchan (matchmaker), and has posted his list of shidduchim (matches) for some of his favorite bloggers.
He matches my other blog, My Urban Kvetch, with His Suburban Kvell, a yet-unwritten blog:
“Esther meets her match; story to follow in Jdaters Revealed!” P-Life says. Well, maybe. Forgive an SJF’s cynicism. I like my City life. I’m hoping for “Our Urban Kvell” instead.
My favorite one: P-Life matches my sometimes arch-blognemesis, JDate.com, with Adate.com: “The place for those so fed up, anyone with a pulse will do!”
I think we all hear that.
And I’d like to further suggest that for Annabel Lee, we find The Raven. Then she shall be single Nevermore.
IT FINALLY HAPPENED…
320 years
I knew it was only a matter of time. And now it’s happened. I got an instant message from a JDatenik who literally made me sick. I thought I was going to vomit–that’s how bad his picture was. He looked like an axe murderer/pedophile, and his profile was bizarre and creepy. His screen name? Oh, you know my house rules here…I don’t name names. Even the bizarre and creepy deserve not to be the targets of slander. One woman’s garbage is another’s…never mind. But the point is that he had a screen name akin to “Your Meant to Be”…and I had to select “Ignore Your Meant To Be,” which seemed so wrong on every level. I read the profile again just to be sure. I was sure. I tried to get my stomach to settle down, but my system couldn’t recover from this one. I’m still nauseous.
And the kicker? I’m still thinking of rejoining JDate. Why? Because the curiosity is killing me. I have 18 new messages. Given, most of them are probably either a) missed IMs, b) from female friends or c) from the creepy people who have added me to their favorites list and wrote me an email even though my profile tells them I’m not a member and can’t read them.
But hope remaining the thing with feathers, I may just cough up the dough for another month. Just to see if this abusive relationship’s any better the third time around. And if it’s not, I’m out of there. Probably.