Group therapy in a blog.
THE FRIEND ZONE–POPULATION: YOU
Dude, we have so all been there. Some of us may have been there so often that we think we deserve a mayorship or wish that we could accrue frequent flyer miles for our trips.
So, I present two posts on the Friend Zone for your perusal. Here, Ken Wheaton’s non-dating life takes a trip into the Friend Zone. And now Gatsby’s wondering about it as well.
Feel free to weigh in with your own comments and experiences, as well as any insights you may have on the following questions:
Aside from copious amounts of alcohol, how do you turn a friendship into something more? Is there a “turning point” in every friendship at which one of the parties becomes irrevocably desexualized? Aside from random acts of nudity, what could suddenly cause you to look at a friend in a new light?
What could suddenly cause you to look at a friend in a new light?
Getting rejected by someone else. Getting dumped. But, like alcohol … you tend to regain your friendsight the next day.
“How do you turn a friendship into something more?”
The question presumes that is it possible to do so, which I’m not sure it is. Do you actually know anyone who has done this? I don’t.
I was thinking about it last night during Blizzard 2005. I stayed in and chatted online for hours with friends, including one guy I’ve known for over 8 years and I’m really close to. I don’t feel sexual toward him at all, and never have, which is kind of a shame because we get along so well and we’re both unmarried. So I tried to think in my head if I ever could love him that way (just as an intellectual exercise). And I really don’t think I could. I mean, I’d have to make an effort, and that’s not really the way it should be … should it?
Otherwise, I think the revelation of new information might do the trick? Like, if I just found out that Friend X had a passion for Steak ‘n’ Shake cheese fries (which I, hypothetically, of course, have built my life around), I might become more interested. But if the person is already a friend, I’d probably already know something like that. So I’m back to … it’s not possible.
Now I’m hungry.
I’ve tried and failed twice, albeit for different reasons. But I take issue with C’s comment that “you shouldn’t have to work at it.” Why not? You have to work at other romantic relationships, don’t you? Why wouldn’t you think you’d have to work at turning a friend into something more? I think the reason why more of these things don’t work out is that one party or the other is too lazy to work at it, which is a shame because it would do wonders to end the so-called “shidduch crisis”.
I don’t think physical chemisty can be worked on. It’s something that’s there or isn’t. Romance can certainly be worked on, but that’s not what I was referring to when I wrote about effort.