He’s 31 and still single? Whatever shall we do? We must rescue him from this horrible fate of loneliness…let’s get ourselves a billboard! Stat! And we’ll fill it with clever verbiage!

I’m Lance, Let’s go out!” reads the billboard on an interstate near Lindon, about 40 miles south of Salt Lake City.


Given, it’s in Utah, so maybe NYC’s big advertising firms are too busy to provide this guy with slogans, but still…

…So why the concern over Archibald’s marital status? As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, whose members typically marry in their early 20s, the 31-year-Archibald is approaching the male-equivalent of an “old maid.”

There’s a male equivalent of an old maid? I love it. Finally, some equity.

But how does Archie feel about the attention? Is he excited by his friends’ efforts? Mortified by the publicity? Or completely and utterly the Mormon equivalent of pareve on the matter?

“I’m not overly concerned about (marriage). I’m pretty happy right now,” Archibald said. “I’d like to get married, but it’s not a concern.”

He seems pretty “laid-back and easy-going.” I bet he also likes to work hard and play hard. Maybe he should try JDate? Nah, he’s “not overly concerned.” In the big city, we like to call that “not overly interested in commitment.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just sayin’, like the old adage goes, if’n you’re not looking to meet someone, don’t put up a billboard.