Group therapy in a blog.
“Is He Interested?”
He’s flirting with you at the office. At least, you think he is. Actually, now that you think about it, it’s kind of hard to tell. Is he a) interested in you romantically or b) does he just feel comfortable enough with you to push certain boundaries over the line into murkiness without feeling obligated to follow up with any kind of risky overture?
If you’re the author of this blog, the answer is b. Oh hell, let’s face it…in most cases, the answer is b.
If you’re not, you may enjoy reading/participating in this discussion over at DoctorLoveCoach.
UPDATE NOVEMBER 8, courtesy of tonight’s episode of “The Office”:
“You know it’s not a date when she goes home to her fiance.”
To find if he REALLY loves you:
1. See if he’ll put up with the company of your friends, even the obnoxious ones.
2. Is he willing to be introduced to your demanding, meshugineh family? Bring this up as a bluff.
If he doesnt ask you to get lunch or drinks or something date-like, he isnt interested. People flirt for a myriad of reasons other than romantic interest. Sometimes just to see if you like them, even though they have no interest in you.
The tough part is once they ask you to luch/drinks, how do youthen know if they are interested romantically or are going out as work pals…..
Anon,
Hint– lunch is a during-work thing. Not a date.
Drinks after work– probably a date. Especially if it’s more than one drink and goes on for a couple of hours, or if it’s on a Friday and planned days in advance.
Drinks after work NOT in the vicinity of work or involving having time to go home and change clothes– date.
Drinks after work followed by movie/dinner/show/long walk holding hands– priceless.
And it’s true– sometimes people want you to ask them out because they want to be asked out, but not because they actually have any interest in going out with you. Not everybody is nice, or even conscious of sending misleading signals.
Anon, some guys groove on meeting and impressing parents, even if they have no intention of asking you out.
Couldn’t resist responding to Shaun’s comments:
Drinks after work– probably a date. Especially if it’s more than one drink and goes on for a couple of hours, or if it’s on a Friday and planned days in advance.
Except for when it’s not.
Drinks after work NOT in the vicinity of work or involving having time to go home and change clothes– date.
Except for when it’s not.
Drinks after work followed by movie/dinner/show/long walk holding hands– priceless.
Priceless? I think you mean “impossible” or “implausible.”
Am I revealing too much about how these situations have played out in my own life?
Esther, what you gotta do is FORGET about all the yichud prohibitions you learned in your expensive yeshivah.
Invite your target to your place after work. (After his work, I guess you work at home).
Cook for him. JEWISH MEN ARE TOTALLY SEDUCED BY HOME COOKING. Reminds us of our grandmothers whom we adored. As long as he’s the gentlemanly type who won’t chas v’shalom jump your bones uninvited.
Forget restaurant and bar dates, they totally suck. At least for me.
OK, Esther, so what you are saying is that you have worked with guys who have asked you to dinner, and for them it wasnt a date? Were these guys with whom you built up a fun friendly comfortable relationship, and then they said innocuously, ‘hey, lets get dinner’? Or is it a guy you didnt know too well, who surprised you with the invite? If youve already developed a comfortable relationship with the guy, he’s probably looking at you as the friend. Now, if hes not interested in you romantically, he should let you know in a subtle way (most popular way is by talking about other women). If he doesnt give off a clue that he isnt interested, and he proceeds to ask you to dinner/weekend plan, then he just isn’t very sensitive (and youve got to learn how to better read the signs)
I have to add another cynical voice here. Sorry. I think many, many people flirt at work because they are 1) bored and 2) insecure and looking for an ego boost (and sometimes a dangerous combination of the two). DOn’t give this guy another thought unless he actually makes a concrete offer.
You REALLY know it’s not a date when she brings her fiancee along.
I’ll drink to this post. Had the exact same thing happen to me last month, and now the dude won’t even speak to me. Bleah.
You REALLY know it’s not a date when she brings her fiancee along.
Unless they swing that way…