No, I’m not kidding. And yes, I wish I were.

Leave it to JDate and love coach Robin Gorman Newman to bring you this week, which just so happens to lead up to Valentine’s Day. Coincidence?

According to a PR Newswire alert, JDate asked members to select their favorite single celebrity mensches. “Mensches are the people that every mother would love,” said Robin Gorman Newman, creator of ‘Love a Mensch Week’ and author of “How to Marry a Mensch.”

Women prefer Braff. Of course. Zach Braff got 27% of the vote. Then, the poll gets a little strange. Sex and the City’s Mr. Big himself, Chris Noth (since when is he Jewish? Maybe he just fits Newman’s definition…) gets 20% of the vote, same as #3 pick, Howard Stern. (What? I know.) Then we’ve got Brody (Adrien), Brody (Adam) and Brooks (Al, which I can only imagine refers to Albert Brooks).

And the men like themselves some Portman–Natalie ranked at 46%, with Sarah Silverman and Lisa Loeb rounding out the top three. (Trailing these three are Winona Ryder–still, guys?–and Jamie Lynn Sigler.)

How am I not ever on this list? Oh yeah. Not a celebrity. Yet.

Oh, and by the way…not for nothing, as they say, but: Braff, dating a non-Jew; Portman, loves Israel but is always dating non-Jews; Silverman, dating Jimmy Kimmel. There are more, but I don’t want to depress myself. Again, not that there’s anything wrong with finding love. I mean, most of the commenters here are looking for that same thing, but you understand my issue…