Group therapy in a blog.
Should In-Laws Have a Say? And Does How You Worship Matter?
I recently wrote this post over at Beliefnet’s Idol Chatter, and was surprised that the only comment it received noted that Isla Fisher should run away from her relationship because her in-laws wanted her to convert before her marriage to Sacha Baron Cohen. The commenter noted that even though she and her husband have different ideas about God, that “nobody should tell you how to worship.”
Is that what’s going on? Thoughts?
this is yet another addition to the list of stories about Jewish parents who won’t attend a wedding unless the non-Jewish spouse converts beforehand and so on. by pressuring people to convert before the wedding, tension is caused not only between the couple but between the couple and the (usually Jewish) in-laws. people tend to forget that converting to Judaism takes a long time and cannot be rushed for the sake of pleasing the in-laws with an all-Jewish wedding. it’s one day out of the rest of a couple’s life together. rather than focusing on the wedding and on conversion, the in-laws should be more concerned with how the children will be raised. occasionally, there are stories of people who converted under pressure and later became resentful of their in-laws and possibly even their spouse for being swayed by said pressure. furthermore, Isla Fisher is marrying Sacha Baron Cohen and NOT his mother. in other words, it’s not up to the parents how things go. they may not approve, but in the end they (hopefully) realize that it’s not their decision.
Both my dad and my brother-in-law converted to Judaism when they married into my family. My grandmother asked my dad to convert and my mom asked my brother-in-law. Both of them really wanted to convert, and I really don’t think it was only because of my mom and my sister. If they hadn’t converted, they wouldn’t have been completely accepted into our family. I think being raised by a Jewish mother and a Jewish father has really influenced my relationship with Judaism and with my Jewish identity. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with anyone converting for me, and even less comfortable with my mom asking someone for me. That’s why I try only to date Jewish men. I understand that having a Jewish spouse isn’t that important to some Jews, but I don’t think anyone should judge those of us that do choose to choose Jewish spouses.