Group therapy in a blog.
Tough Economy: Date, or Look for Work?
Many of us are out of work, and are spending all day and likely evenings and nights cruising the internet looking for the right job. We’re preparing and sending resumes and interviewing in person, and waiting for a callback when we think it’s the right fit. We experience the disappointment of having interviews that we tank, and others that seem to go well, but the interviewing company either tells us “it’s not you, it’s us” or just gets hit by the equivalent of the Bus.
And then, for a change of pace, we’re on JDate or Match or anywhere else, going through exactly the same process – creating our online resume, contacting potential people who might be interested in our services and experience, waiting for a response or a callback, praying that we get a face-to-face meeting, and hoping for the right chemistry…sometimes ending again in “the Bus.”
The Boston Globe notes in a recent article that “it’s hard to find a date when you don’t have a job.” It notes the problems, particularly from men who like to pick up the check but who can’t afford more than a beer at the end of the day.
In tough economic times, do you pay JDate or a headhunter? Is “between jobs right now” the kiss of death (or rather, no kissing at all) for potential daters? Or does a happy love life make for a happier jobhunter? And should we create an “economic stimulus package” or “bailout” for singles to make our dating lives a little easier? Or maybe we should just enact legislation that until both parties are gainfully employed, we’ll all pay for our own drinks?
If one has been unfortunately laid off, they would still be collecting an unemployment check, which can reach $560 per week net. They would also be eligible for other economic benefits so the date usually is whoever asks out, normally that person pays.
Essentially what the unemployed or non earner has to do is find that area of opportunity even within the current climate.
It might mean baking cookies and selling them on the street or doing a type of work that they did not do in the past, but the objective must be to find some type of part time work, of which there still is. It could be starting a blog.
You still have many 2 income earners and these people still spend and need services.
Just spending time job searching should not be your whole day.
Easy: job. That way you can live.
Clearly your job obviously needs to be your number one priority. In the past year and a half I have done both searches and both have worked out well, but I couldn’t imagine doing both at the same time.
Job – Although very stressful at times, I absolutely love
JDate – Met an amazing girl on there who I absolutely love
Searching for both at the same time though, probably way too impossible!
Okay, to avoid scams– YOU don’t pay the headhunter, the company pays (when they hire).
As far as dating the unemployed, I don’t find it an issue but it’s easy for it to be a non-issue for me because I make a nice living. I do, however, prefer that people be honest. Unemployed is okay, there’s a lot of that going around. But hiding it– saying “I’m a consultant” instead– well, consulting is a profession, it’s not a synonym for unemployment.
Ideally, you’d do both. Because one w/o the other is lacking. But realistically? In today’s environment, it really ought to be a boon to finding love & a real worthy life time partner. That’s what Depressions do. They test the mettle of everyone & everything. They level status, they make more people equal for a time. Everyone becomes more familiar when they’re on the same plane. It’s the ‘we’re all in this together’ ethos, requiring and indeed demanding people come together to make common purpose and to meet common goals in difficult & trying times.
This is why the 1930’s& 40’s saw a boom of romantic comedies & ‘famous couples’ film stories. They were trying to reflect real life. It’s always less glamorous than the movies would have us believe, but the ethos often remains & can easily be recalled & perhaps recreated. People should be able to use it to their advantage, even when searching for work, housing or trying to find that next ‘gig’ over the horizon.
So there’s no need to separate the 2 ventures. Yes, both may require some money. So forget the headhunters, or have that given as a ‘gift’ by kind relations. (Or vice & versa I imagine!) ‘Romance w/o finance may be a nuisance’, but it was also often a proud tradition for yes, 100’s of years prior to the modern age. And for the Jews? We need only look to the wonderful stories of elders who found each other in resettlement camps all over Europe after WW11. Fast friendships formed from unspeakable tragedies, and plenty of very solid long lasting marriages that we might still envy to this day.
No, it’ll never be the same. But out of any serious shared strife and ordeal comes a sort of comradeship that can not be denied, and often brings people together who might not otherwise ever meet, or even suspect they might ever appreciate under any other circumstances. It’s like a real life Rom/Com, only you’re playing the lead, and yes, the set is falling down around you in flames, and you’re learning to tap dance as fast as you can. (I know, but even faster & with all those flourishes!)
I know it sounds a bit Pollyannish, but to the Hollywood types? This should all be making perfect sense right about now, if they’re listening at all to what’s going down. But good luck in all your ventures, and know that despite it all, it would probably be a bit more trying in NYC too! Cheers, ‘VJ’
Personally, I find it a lot harder to put myself out there when I’m not doing well financially because I find that men these days place a lot of value on women who are high income earners. As a matter of fact, I recently got out of a relationship in which one of our primary sources of contention was that I didn’t earn enough for him. This is largely due to the fact that I am a freelancer, and in times like these, job offers take a nosedive. He wanted me to pursue a more lucrative career, but I just wasn’t willing. It was actually my worst nightmare–I’ve always feared that I would fall for someone who would hold it against me that I don’t make good money. Tough economic times only exaggerate this.
El planteo es bien directo y creo que no va dirigido a ningún sector socio-económico, polÃtico ni religioso.
El trabajo de consultor, diseñador web o infinidad de trabajos que al dÃa de hoy podemos realizar sin movernos de nuestros hogares, dan la posibilidad de hacer ambas cosas al mismo tiempo.
No coincido con las respuestas tajantes que afirman los primeros 2 jdaters, puesto que en el momento que una persona se encuentra desocupada, entra en un cÃrculo, como VJ, hacÃa referencia, y no es fácil discernir “qué viene primero”, “a qué apuesto”, o “en qué debo invertir†– entiéndase: “ropa nueva para una entrevista” o “ropa nueva para salir a tomar una copa”.
Me parece importante destacar, a raÃz de la nota, que se da la misma relación, en los vÃnculos, como allà se menciona, entre las partes, o sea, si uno no tiene trabajo, al momento de la cita, éste hará reclamo y notará dicha ausencia.
Ejemplo similar se da cuando un joven aún no tiene experiencia laboral, pero no lo contratan por ser muy joven, o porque no tiene experiencia laboral y por ende referencias.
Mi recomendación: no darse sobredosis de citas y cervezas… con jdate alcanza y
no aflojar a la búsqueda de trabajos -aunque no sean los ideales-.
Suerte!
PD.: Excuse me, but it’s easier for me to write in Spanish. I added a translation link
http://www.frengly.com/
So there both really important and I would say try to split your time between both. If you spend all your time job hunting, you’ll end up stressed out but if you choose to stick with dating you will have no way to make a living. And as a last option I know of you can request a prayer at the Western Wall for 40 days. They’ll pray that you find a job AND that you get a great date. The prayers are powerful so try them out.