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THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK…
820 years
According to a very important survey of single Americans, conducted by The Australian Wine Bureau and Match.com (if you must know), your choice of drink may be making statements about your personality or lifestyle:
Match.com polled more than 2,300 single men and women nationwide and found that 62 percent believe that their date’s choice of beverage provides insight into their lifestyle, and 52 percent felt that it is indicative of their personality.
I guess explains why the guy I drank apple martinis with never called again. He thought he was going to have to spend his life with me watching reruns of Sex and the City and couldn’t stand the idea.
Personality perceptions associated with the top U.S. imported wine countries:
– Ordering a wine from Australia conveys the message that a person is adventurous (62 percent) and fun (32 percent).
[Just a reminder: This survey was conducted with the help of the Australian Wine Bureau, so consider the source.]
– A person that drinks French wine is viewed as pretentious (76 percent) and high-maintenance (65 percent).
— Sexy (40 percent) and stylish (37 percent) were personality traits used to describe a person who orders a wine from Italy.
The Kedem winery apparently could not be reached for comment.
What do you drink, and do you change your drink order depending on the company? Do you have a favorite wine, or do most of them taste the same to you?
YOUR BRAIN IS AN IDIOT
620 years
According to this article on iVillage’s Sex and Relationships channels there are 5 ways to make ANYONE fall in love with you, and it all has to do with manipulating our idiot brains.
Here are the five ways they suggest:
1. Hang Around Lots…but Then Be Unavailable
This is excruciating. If you like someone, you want to be around them all the time. This is advocating an “absence makes the heart grow fonder” stance, but you run the risk of crossing over into “out of sight=out of mind.”
2. Let Them Do Nice Things for You
That’s really nice. I do so enjoy the word “nice.” It’s so “nice.” And so meaningless.
When we’re infatuated with someone, we’re desperate to do nice things for him. You’re much better off letting him spoil you.
That’s great. But if I’m unavailable, how’s he gonna get to do nice things for me?
If you look at someone you like 75 percent of the time when they’re talking to you, you trick their brain. The brain knows the last time that someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks OK, I’m obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA is a chemical cousin to amphetamines and is secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. PEA is what makes our palms sweat, our tummies flip over, and our hearts race. The more PEA the person you want has pumping through the bloodstream, the more likely he is to fall in love with you.
Shakespeare summed this one up the best: Tell me where is fancy bred…or in the heart or in the head?
See? I told you your brain was an idiot. (And besides, I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work.)
4. Don’t Look Away
Simply lock eyes with the person you like and keep them there, even when he has finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly — as though they’re attached by warm toffee…If you’re too shy to gaze openly, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who’s joined the conversation, but every time they finish a sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you’re interested in. This is a checking gesture — you’re checking his reaction to what the speaker is saying — and lets him know you’re more interested in him than the other person.
What an image. Warm toffee. My eyelids are getting heavy just thinking about it. More ways that your brain is an idiot. (Plus, I’ve also tried this and it doesn’t work.)
There’s just one thing you need for bedroom eyes: big pupils. According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, this is the crucial element we respond to. You can’t consciously control your pupils (one reason why people say the eyes don’t lie). But you can create the right conditions to inspire large pupils and get the effect. First, reduce light. Our pupils expand when they’re robbed of it, one reason why candlelight and dimmer switches are de rigueur in romantic restaurants. It’s not just the softening of light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils also help.
I can see myself now, with my eyes squeezed shut for an hour in preparation for a party where I’ll see a guy I like. Later, when we get engaged, I’ll ask him what first attracted him to me, and he’ll say, “I’m a pupil man.”
In case you’re interested in more wisdom from the author of these tips, you can check out 18 Body Language Cues That Say He’s Interested.
GOING RATE FOR FORGIVENESS: $17K
020 years
At what price, forgiveness?
Larry, who declined to give his last name, sent the $17,000 apology to Marianne, his wife of 17 years. She left him almost two weeks ago, he said. “It was a culmination of things,” he told the newspaper. “But I am desperately trying to save our marriage.”
A relative told him that Marianne saw the advertisement. “She said my wife read the ad and started crying. But so far I’ve had no response from her,” Larry said.
Maybe it’s the cynic in me, but maybe she’s crying that her husband just wasted 17 grand on a newspaper ad.
YOU SAY NEATO, CHECK YOUR LIBIDO
020 years
From Israel21C:
Millions of Americans suffer from lack of sexual desire – or at least think they do. Now, for the first time, an Israeli-developed test can scientifically determine the level of a person’s libido. The method – developed by a team led by Prof. Yoram Vardi of Rambam Hospital in Haifa – can enable medical professionals to determine the root cause of diminished sexual desire, and whether medication or treatment is being effective. “What we’ve developed is a test that objectively measures the subject’s amount of interest in sex – it rates their libido,” Vardi told ISRAEL21c. “Until now, through all the years of research in this subject, we’ve only have had subjective ideas on this matter – mainly what the patient would tell us. There isn’t even an evaluated standardized questionnaire on libido. What we set out to do is to devise something objective – that can measure and quantify a person’s sexual desire.”
OK, I know this isn’t a joke press release, that it’s about a drug that can really bring hope to couples suffering from lack of libido. But because I’m a dating visionary, the release inspired me. I wonder if it might be worth the time and money to create a product that would help the dating-impaired.
Say you like a guy or a gal. There’s flirtation. There’s banter. But there’s no action, no DTR (as Anna Broadway taught me–“Define the Relationship” talk). And you’re understandably afraid to put yourself out there, especially if a friendship is at risk. If only there were a risk-free way to find out whether your friend is interested in you as a friend-with-benefits…
Well, now there is: new Truth is a fragrance that helps you ask questions that will get you the closure you need. Truth contains sodium pentathol, so the sprayee has no choice: he or she must answer your questions honestly.
Can you handle the Truth? Sate your curiosity, with Truth.
Or, if the prospect of questioning your crush troubles you, try new Unmitigated Truth: mist your intended with just one spray of this new vanilla-scented fragrance, and if the object of your affection doesn’t object to your affection, a pink line will appear across his or her forehead for three seconds. If there’s no “there” there, there will be a blue line.
Unmitigated Truth: A pregnancy test for romance.
UNDERDOG CANDIDATE SEEKS YOUR VOTE
020 years
It may be an honor just to be nominated, but the writer’s ego is a fragile thing; do your part to patch mine, by voting for My Urban Kvetch and JDaters Anonymous in the Jewish and Israel Blog Awards. JDaters Anonymous, especially, needs your help–this scrappy little candidate is battling some big guns at her awards premiere, so if you’d like to be the champion for the underdog, here’s your chance.
The first round of polls is open until Sunday “late morning, Israel time.”
The details: You can vote once every 24 hours, so bookmark the site and make it a daily visit. Most categories have been split into two parts because there were so many nominees; the top 6 in each part will head to the finals. This means that if I do well enough in the qualifying rounds, there will be another announcement here next week, urging you to go back and vote for me again in the finals…
As a reminder, My Urban Kvetch is nominated in several categories, so make sure to view the whole list before you vote.Of course, once you get to the IsraellyCool homepage, you may see other names that ring bells–a substantial number of the other nominees are also on my blogroll and in my rolodex. We’re all winners, here, really.
Vote your conscience; you’ll do the right thing. And although I can’t make any promises in terms of your romantic future, I will say that supporting JA and MUK can only be good for dating karma. (And if you’re a reader who would like to be set up with a friend of mine, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.)
Plus, if you vote for me, I’ll make sure there’s a frozen yogurt machine in the cafeteria.
THE FRIEND ZONE–POPULATION: YOU
420 years
Dude, we have so all been there. Some of us may have been there so often that we think we deserve a mayorship or wish that we could accrue frequent flyer miles for our trips.
So, I present two posts on the Friend Zone for your perusal. Here, Ken Wheaton’s non-dating life takes a trip into the Friend Zone. And now Gatsby’s wondering about it as well.
Feel free to weigh in with your own comments and experiences, as well as any insights you may have on the following questions:
Aside from copious amounts of alcohol, how do you turn a friendship into something more? Is there a “turning point” in every friendship at which one of the parties becomes irrevocably desexualized? Aside from random acts of nudity, what could suddenly cause you to look at a friend in a new light?
THEATER ALERT: LA-BASED NON-SABBATH OBSERVERS
020 years
Or, find a way to pay in advance and walk there, but this sounds like a fun show.
In Wired News: Geek Love, or Lack Thereof
Rose’s one-hour show, Scott’s Search for a Rose, details his bungled attempts at applying computer logic to the illogical business of love. “It’s a true story about my life as a Mac geek who grew up more comfortable with computers than women,” said Rose. “It’s a universal tale of searching for love and all the missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets…. It’s a fun show.” Rose, 32, is a professional speaker based in — where else — Los Angeles… Rose’s show is part entertainment, part therapy (he wrote it after a breakup) and part elaborate pickup strategy. “If single girls want to come to my show, they’ll get a really good idea of what I’m looking for,” he joked.
GOOD NEWS FOR D.C.-AREA FORNICATORS
420 years
According to this article in the Washington Post, “the state Supreme Court yesterday struck down as unconstitutional a 19th-century Virginia law making it a crime for unmarried couples to have sex.”
The ruling strikes down a law criminalizing fornication as a Class 4 misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $250. The law had been on the books since the early 1800s but has not been enforced against consenting adults since 1847, lawyers said. The court based yesterday’s ruling on a 2003 U.S. Supreme Court decision overturning an anti-sodomy law in Texas.
Public fornication, sodomy and prostitution, however, are still illegal.
Food for thought: Imagine if the court decided to uphold the Virginia law, and sent out a task force to identify everyone in the D.C. area who has fornicated outside of the bonds of matrimony, and charged them retroactive fines of $250 for each count. Think the fines might be enough to pay for, I don’t know, a Presidential Inaugural party?
PRINCESS LEIA HASN’T DATED SINCE THE CLONE WARS…
520 years
(That should attract just the kind of Star Wars-motivated traffic I’ve been needing for JDaters Anonymous…and thanks to those people who wrote with suggestions and corrections.)
In yesterday’s New York Times, Maureen Dowd ponders the attraction of powerful men to the women secretaries, assistants, PR consultants, etc who take care of them and determines that they’re all just looking for their mommies.
In the article, she quotes several studies, including the one about intelligence and likelihood to marry. But we’ve covered that here already. More interesting to me was the random celeb she asked for an opinion:
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel “The Best Awful,” who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
“I haven’t dated in 12 million years,” [EDK note: this is the approximate era of the Clone Wars, which means she hasn’t dated since before Anakin and Amidala met and mated] she said drily. “I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too.”
With princesses commenting on the behavior of kings and consorts, no wonder dating’s such a royal pain.
But seriously, taking Star Wars as an analogy for dating, you’ll note that Jedis, the most powerful spiritual forces in the galaxy, tend not to surround themselves with women (I think there were a few women Jedi in Episodes I and II, in what I like to call the Mace Windu Circle of Jedi). But do you remember what they looked like? Not really. Perhaps having many women inside the circle would divert their focus, or perhaps the women are all out chasing the clones, who look all shiny on the outside, but whose innards are robotic and unemotional. (Sarah notes that the clones were actually human on the inside, which shows you that I haven’t fully grasped the lore of the first two movies. Perhaps my understanding was derailed by the shrill presence of the twice-named after a cookie receptacle Mr. Binks. She’ll have to forgive me.)
There’s only two couples in the Star Wars story who get any lovin’ (in chronological order): Amidala and Anakin, and Han and Leia.
In the next (final?) movie in the Star Wars saga, we’ll find out what consequences there are for the sexual union between Natalie–oops, I meant Amidala–and Later Vader, how soon Anakin abandons his beloved when she’s pregnant, forcing her to use Naboo’s food stamps program to pay for food and daycare for her twin tykes until she sends Leia off to Alderaan and Luke off to Tatooine.
Luke has designs on his sister during the so-called “Whiner period,” before he’s aware of the blood tie that makes their love impossible, but gives up romance to focus on a career in the Light Saber Arts. The closest he ever gets to romance is when Han shoves him inside the guts of a Tauntaun on Hoth, and that can’t be very romantic (“…and I thought these things smelled bad on the outside…”).
It is precisely this scoundrel quality that draws Leia to Han: he’s the master of his domain, and by that, I mean he’s manually guiding the rudder of his ship, and by that, I mean the Millennium Falcon. He’s the equivalent of the blue-collar trucker that all princesses want, the man so totally other that it stokes a fire. Worth noting that she herself is an activist princess, with the intelligence and poise to threaten Daddy Vader while she herself is a prisoner, the strength to usurp command of her own rescue mission (“into the garbage chute, flyboy”), and yet lacks the basic smarts to invest in a sensible wardrobe involving basic black activewear.
What’s my point? We don’t know how the Amidalanakin storyline ends up, although given the age difference and the situations that have been established in SW, ESB and RoftheJ, it does not look good. Han and Leia might make it–I guess we’ll have to find George Lucas’s treatment for movies 7, 8, and 9. Maybe Luke finds love. Maybe Mace Windu becomes a Yoda of sorts for a new generation. Maybe the scoundrel/princess union, which has its literary roots in the fire of Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler’s Southern romance, is something that burns eternal but is, on a day-to-day level, unlivable.
Whatever the conclusion, it has nothing to do with Maureen Dowd’s article. OK, I’m off to Los Angeles to join the queue for Revenge of the Sith.*
(Hat tip to Steve Silver for linking to the O’Dowd article.)
*No, I’m not. I’m not that insane.