According to the AP, orangutans (don’t call them monkeys! I mean, except for clever headlines…) will be using the internet to find mates. Zookeepers are planning to hook up single orangutans from the Netherlands with others from Indonesia. (Those meddling zookeepers, always trying to marry off the singles…)

Sources (and by “sources” I mean “there are no sources, so wait for the joke to hit you”) say that the single orangutans’ parents insist that their kids don’t need the internet to find a mate, and are shocked that scientists are plotting the dating and mating of their offspring to orangutans from another country.

First of all, we all know how hard it is to have long-distance relationships:

[A spokeswoman for the Apenheul ape park in the central Dutch city of Apeldoorn] said the chance of two orangutans actually mating as a result of the online interaction was small due to the problem of transporting them between the Netherlands and Indonesia. “But I wouldn’t rule it out completely,” she told The Associated Press.

And if you add the cultural differences and the language barrier, it makes for some awkward family moments: she wants a traditional Dutch ceremony, and he wants to raise the kids Indonesian.

For more hot international orangutan action, click over to this article that tells you all about how single orangutans will meet and mate using the same internet that you use for your, er, Amazon shopping.