Group therapy in a blog.
Evan’s Amazing Gigs
He advises singles the world over through his work at E-Cyrano.com, and is brought on-board a recent JDate excursion to Club Med Turks & Caicos (where the sand is so soft and the water so clear and warm you wouldn’t ever want to leave) to be the dating expert in residence. A tough job, but someone’s got to do it.
From the report, it seems like everyone had a great time–which I somehow doubt. From the number of women quoted (5) vs. the number of men quoted (1, 2 if you count Evan) I wonder if that represents a) that women are more forthcoming about how they feel at events like this or b) that there was that much of a discrepancy in the ratio of participants in general. (I don’t know one way or the other, I just wonder.) And by the way, I have a friend who actually met her boyfriend (they now live together) at one of the JDate Club Med trips; but they didn’t “hook up” during the trip. They stayed friends with the group of people they hung out with at the resort, and sometime thereafter began dating in a more normal context.
Now, Yahoo Personals obtains Evan’s predictions for how dating will change in 2007:
“…the 20- and 30-something players stop playing and start getting serious. The dating sites realize that they need to produce a higher quality product to help their clients succeed and offer services that create better transparency such as background checks, rating systems and video chat.”
Do you have predictions for 2007 about how dating (online and offline) is going to change? If you could change one thing about the way dating has gone (for you or for others) in the past, what would it be?
Well, I’m not a player, but I am seriously considering starting to date again. I didn’t mean to stop dating, but it happened and then I just went with the flow. But: no promises.
They can change the services all they like but what they can’t change is manners of the people who use the service. Ha!
I think for me it would be no more online dating and more going out and meeting people.
You know Pep, I was feeling the same way. Naturally, my main impediment is the wife. She stopped dating. So it’s really hard without her. Not impossible mind you, just a bit more difficult.
Dating Predictions for the new year:
1.) Background checks? How about Credit checks?
2.) This last bit of information will lead to the slowly dawning realization that nearly everyone is almost broke. In a real bad way & Deep in debt.
3.) This will naturally lead to a resurgence in activities that are ‘low cost’. Walking more on beaches. Using the parks more. Reading quietly together in public libraries.
4.) This will lead inexorably to more volunteerism as people suddenly realize that a generation of funding cuts for the public parks & public spaces have rendered them largely unfit for human occupation.
5.) While doing real work & helping real people (in New Orleans for example or even Israel) folks will come to recognize that the guy/gal working along side them actually possesses a fine work ethic & an old soul in addition to a fine pair of buns. They come to recognize the better angels of their nature and gradually grow less hostile to each other.
6.) All these good feelings dissipate over time when you return home, but do tend to color your future outlook and experiences.
7.) You start to look for different things in a mate, less for the flash and ‘instant attraction’ & more for the soul & character. You listen differently. You ask different questions. You begin to see with new eyes.
8.) Through a grave error in judgment, a serious mishap, you are somehow introduced & go out with a previously wholly unacceptable wretch you may have passed over in your prior searches.
9.) Although he/she is overweight, a bit of a pill, has bad finances, a health history only the Mayo Clinic is happy with (they’re making Such good progress!), an uninspiring yet tenuous job, and a crazy loud family that would make for fine Southern Gothic literature if they did not live mostly in Brooklyn & NJ, you seem to get along fine. They make you laugh. You’re flattered more often than you care to remember. For the first time in a very long time you feel content & at peace with your friend & yourself. Still, you want to hold out for better prospects, but there have been none for quite sometime.
10.) So, you muddle though various issues (he lives way over there, you live here) in many months of deep discussions. You realize that they are willing to sacrifice for you and for the good of your growing relationship & friendship. Within a year of your first dating ‘misadventure’ that included a all too long debate about what was the proper tip in an off the turnpike IHOP, you are somehow almost happily married.
11.) Two weeks to the day after your honeymoon ends you wake up and realize that things have got to change around here if you’re going to survive together for any length of time.
12.) Turning to your beloved you tell them this newly discovered fact in no uncertain terms. Again not your first or most tragic mistake in marriage, but everyone learns slowly. They smile at you across a very small kitchen table in the most maniacal yet sweet & kindly grin that you’ve grown to expect & love and whisper ‘And so it begins!’ as they grab the paper and head for the john.
13.) Another 2 weeks after this some Republican with deep pockets has come up with a fertility indicator that can indicate your ovulating status & GPS coordinates from a distance of 20 yards. Lights & whistles flash and the user is guided to your proximity. He’ll claim that this is the best thing for ‘dating’ well since the invention of alcohol.
14.) It will take a number of years, the birth your 2 kids, another serious health scare & the death of your parents before said inventor is convinced to withdraw his invention for safety reasons, (now sold largely as ‘party favors’). It seems fertility has not a whole lot to do with the likelihood of women mating with the holder of the device. At least not on the city streets or within the ‘activity cone’ recommend by the Ferto-locator. So after extensive review by many committees of Congress, the device was finally recalled for the last time. But only after 10’s of thousands of men were nearly beaten to death with their handy FL’s. The DVD’s of the extensive coverage of the hearings is a best seller, especially the testimony of the utterly clueless guys using the devices, most of whom if justice was truly served would die alone & forgotten.
15.) Bootleg copies of the infamous device will remain in circulation for many years more in the underground economy, until someone figures out that they are next to useless outside of a committed relationship. That eventually kills it quick.
Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
What bothered me about the JDate event was the following:
“While some on the trip considered it a serious shot at romance, most followed the less-pressured “Why not?†approach offered by Kimberly, the North American brand manager for Durex condoms, who distributed a stash of giveaways to the group.”
In other words, the event and JDate is essentially, and blatantly marketed as, a place to get sex. And I know plenty of people who are on there specifically for that. So, how can anyone complain about false intentions.
And there you go. Sex, ruining the possibility of romance since… when BPE? Hummm. Cheers, ‘VJ’
I went on a JDate trip last year. That ratio is pretty much right on — about 5 girls for every 2 guys. And the guys, they’re heinous. Forget JDate vacations.