Group therapy in a blog.
“Taking Back” Valentine’s Day
Dude, it’s mid-February. And you all know what that means. If you’re reading this blog, you either a) don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day, b) are sympathetic to those who don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day, or c) are dissatisfied with your current date for Valentine’s Day. I think that covers just about everyone. (For the record, I am a and b.)
Personally, I’ve always believed that each couple should choose a day for themselves and make that their own Valentine’s Day, in addition to any anniversary markers, instead of letting society dictate when they should express love for their significant other. I also believe that roses that cost $12 a dozen any other day should not cost $24 on February 14th, and that dinner out at restaurants where single people also dine should not be an opportunity for PDA. (I mean, get a room and order in, people…) But that’s just me.
But there are some others who agree that people are too wrapped up in Valentine’s Day, for instance, Grant Adams, who is billed as “the nation’s leading online dating success guru” (a title I would never want, by the way), who is leading a call this V-Day for “all single guys to finally chuck the bouquets and ‘Take Back Valentine’s Day.’ ”
Adams began his crusade because he’s tired of seeing single men go a-begging. “They make a big show of fakery and flattery, throwing away money on flowers, chocolates and over-priced meals.” “Enough!” says Adams, “Men resent it. And, the women don’t really buy it either. It’s better for men to be powerful and authentic rather than forced and artificial.”
I agree with him on authentic rather than forced and artificial. But I don’t think it’s a man vs. woman power thing. I guess I’ve never believed in this “women have all the power”/”men have all the power” dichotomy. I think everyone approaches things differently, and it’s a personality issue–some women have control and others don’t.
What can you do to “take back” Valentine’s Day? Send your girlfriends Valentine’s Day e-cards. Take a bath by candlelight (taking all fire precautions, of course). Pop open a bottle of your favorite cheap wine and watch Oxygen or rent “Love Actually” or “Down with Love.” (Or if you’d like to forget about the holiday, try to get a hold of “Idiocracy,” a Mike Judge film about a future world run by morons.) If JDate’s not working, join JLove so you can have some new site to complain about.
Plus, you can always check out my friends over there in the sidebar, for their unique takes on dating, Jewish and non-, online and off-.
In my opinion, any day that forces men to cough up money, beg, or pretend to be romantic is a good thing.
It’s like an Affirmative Action law whose intention is to slowly create better relations between the aggreived class and the class in power over time; and, to provide some reparation for past wrongs, despite certain inequities it may create in individual situations for the non-aggreived.
Women, being the aggreived class, should not feel obligated to do any such coughing, begging or pretending in reciprocation.Single women or those in relationships which constitute the emotional equivalent of being single, should do something good for themselves, or a woman’s charity (like vday.org).
They should also get a evil chuckle from the thought that past lovers may be coughing, begging or pretending in the name of St. Valentine, or the Day of Affirmative Action created by Hallmark & Hershey.
Umm Chutzpah, no matter how desperate, heartfelt or elegant the begging & pleading, I’m still thinking this all sounds like you’ll be a tough nut to crack. Most guys don’t like the hard work, so they avoid it.
Me, I was just recently informed by the dear wife that due to scheduling, V-Day was to be postponed for at least a week this year. We’ll pick it up for Mardi Gras perhaps when were away on travel.
Still we’re both notoriously cheap dates overall. Last year we did get to a excellent C-note producing dinner on or near the date, but that’s more of a fluke. She looked at me like I’d gone daft when I asked directly. ‘Why we never do anything by way of going out, it’s always too crowded & expensive !’ Yes love, it is. Still, I imagine we’ll try to celebrate it as we usually do any dressed up remade pagan Roman festival, with plenty of wine, song & what ever sorts of Bacchanalia we can manage at our advanced ages.
BTW: We don’t have many aggrieved classes in our marriage. It just got all too confusing with all the back and forth. We now all agree that ‘You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t’. When was the precise time you found out this fact? Soon after ‘I do’. We both take the blame. No one much feels the need or is ‘obligated to do any such coughing, begging or pretending’ over much. We already know it’s a lost cause. That ship sailed, we both missed it. Fortunately. So as Mike Feldman would say; ‘Not much, How about you?’. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’
I once took a girl to the arcade for Valentines day – something I wanted to do and something new for her. Of course, it was early enough in the relationship where it was still “fun and innovative” rather than “selfish and juvenile.” Come to think of it, that was a long time ago, and I’m not sure if I could still get away with it (but I like to think so).
All people really want is attention, and Valentine’s day is just a time when you give a lot of it. Gifts are a way of concentrating and transferring attention – work some hours, get money for those hours, use money to buy a gift.
Chutzpah – If you think women are aggrieved, celebrating Valentines day is a horrible idea. It perpetuates ideas of female dependence and subservience to men. Dinner and chocolate to make up for past wrongs is just selling out. Besides, the parent post is about trying to get over the idea of power struggles in relationships.
actaully chutz has it backwards. The Orthodox modern have been addressing this lack of romance thing recently by having these type of couples only weekends. The props are various speakers on marriage type of topics. but the fun starts after the speeches right?
In general both parties should think and do more for the other this will solve alot of problems i can speak from personal experience.
The power in a relationship will always be based on the balance of sex vs. money and which party has or wants more of either one. There’s no getting over it ever in the majority of relationships.
Why didn’t God make more like this….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xygak6z5iY4
you are right, dinner & chocolate is selling out; diamonds set in platinum are reparations.
Hey C one thing I can tell you, you won’t get anywhere w/ this new tude of yours.
New rule: Steves Rick, please refrain from personal attacks on Chutzpah or anyone else. Thanks!
Sorry about that E, didn’t see it as an attack. I am concerned about her lately, she seems to be going off the deep end, seems to be hitting the booze pretty heavily or something, no probs E, I’m outta here, gotta catch a plane to warmer parts, low 50’s for my weekend.