AGE BEFORE BEAUTY

After having several men in their fifties viewing my page, and yes, even trying to contact me, I find myself wondering about age. It’s such an arbitrary thing–we decide that we want a man between the ages of 29 and 40, and no one above or below that range need apply. But in viewing the thousands of profiles on JDate, you realize that youth is really relative. You find guys who look like they’re in their late 40s, even though they’re only in the beginning of their thirties, and you get other guys in their 40s who look like they’re fresh out of college. So, does age matter?

When you meet someone, the first thing you see is never their age. You can date someone for months without knowing whether he is 37 or 40 or 34. The truth is, unless someone’s biological clock is ticking, age doesn’t come up. At least not naturally. It may come up contextually, as in playing Jewish Geography–if your date attended Brandeis, you are automatically compelled to ask: “Ohmigawd! What year’d you graduate?” and you might find out your date’s age that way.

But the things we know about JDaters before we meet them, or before we even exchange IM’s, set up an artificial image in our minds. When people meet, no one says: “Esther, this is Sven. He’s 38, 5’10 and likes to laugh.” Similarly, I rarely say things like “Hi, my name is Esther, and I am equally comfortable in a black cocktail dress or jeans.”

This struck me as odd. I wonder what would happen if we started introducing ourselves that way in real life…