JDaters Anonymous

A friend wrote me yesterday about a friend of hers. I’d file this under “Be Careful” and “The More You Know.” And just to clarify, I’m not saying that this kind of thing only happens on JDate. It just pays to be careful.

Last week a friend went on a JDate. It was a her first date with the guy. He took her to dinner and a bar. He walked her home and asked to use her bathroom. She let him up and he proceeded to brutally rape her. The DA is working on the case so I can’t reveal much but I do want to warn you. His name is Devon or Devin, he’s 33 and lives in Brooklyn. Apparently his profile is still up but I don’t know what it is. Please be careful and don’t let anyone up to your apartment if you do not know him!

CoolSJF (a pseudonym), a longtime reader of JDaters Anonymous, writes:

I’ve been a non-paying member of jdate for a couple years now and a friend finally convinced me to pay for a month. Believe me, I’m regretting it…. Please see the below, very upsetting IM conversation iIhad with a jdater. I wish there were some way to have him blacklisted. Maybe I should contact Jdate?? What are your thoughts? Should I do anything or just forget about it?

[J.A. note: all names have been changed. Some offensive language–and tons of offensive typos– follows.]

weirdosjm: hi
coolsjf: yo
weirdosjm: whats up beutiful
coolsjf: not much. i wish itwere a beautiful day out like it was on monday
weirdosjm: i know right
coolsjf: i know we’ve chatted b4, but will u remind me where we met / what your profile is?
weirdosjm: jdate, IMmeNow
coolsjf: aha that’s rigth
weirdosjm: good
weirdosjm: remember i liked ur smile
coolsjf: indeed
weirdosjm: so whats up
coolsjf: just chillin’. still recuperating from the wkd
weirdosjm: i c
weirdosjm: so re we going to get some coffee some time?
weirdosjm: hello?
coolsjf: HA I KNEW IT
coolsjf: sorry wrong IM
weirdosjm: what?
weirdosjm: so r we?
weirdosjm: hello?
coolsjf: well…
coolsjf: the thing is… i’m sort of seeing someone right now
weirdosjm: no ur not
weirdosjm: y r u on jdate then
coolsjf: b/c i just started seeing him
weirdosjm: so it dont mean anything
coolsjf: doesn’t
weirdosjm: so y cant we hang out
coolsjf: things are pretty crazy
weirdosjm: whatever
weirdosjm: alot of girls tellme this nad 2 weeks later they r back on jdate
coolsjf: fine.
coolsjf: well #1 i am seeing someone
coolsjf: #2 i am just not that interested
weirdosjm: ur not seeing nay one
coolsjf: but it’s hard to tell someone that
coolsjf: i am.
weirdosjm: c not interested
weirdosjm: i told u
coolsjf: but it’s 2 reasons
weirdosjm: its ok i’ll put in that category any way
coolsjf: it’s a guy in jersey who has come to the city multiple times to take me out.
coolsjf: and i think it might be going somewhere.
weirdosjm: plus i just looked at ur pic any way
weirdosjm: u think?
weirdosjm: ok n ever mind, ur oic says it all any way
weirdosjm: pic*
weirdosjm: ur probabnly a virgin any way
coolsjf: so now you are resorting to insulting me?
coolsjf: sheesh.
weirdosjm: and not clean shaved
coolsjf: like that would be a character flaw even if it were true.
coolsjf: come on.
weirdosjm: yup
coolsjf: take rejection like a man.
weirdosjm: i c u have no experince
weirdosjm: u call that a rejection?
weirdosjm: u really have no experince
weirdosjm: no wonder ur on the site
coolsjf: i am a very fun social girl with a lot of friends and no lack of interested guys.
weirdosjm: thats ur problem
coolsjf: read it again.
coolsjf: try to comprehend.
coolsjf: where did you go? YU?
weirdosjm: hell no
coolsjf: or a technical school that doesn’t actually award bachelor degrees?
weirdosjm: i am getting my licensce soon and wil make more than people with masters
coolsjf: license
coolsjf: but at least they can spell
coolsjf: and come across as competent, intelligent and caring.
weirdosjm: its a c omputer moran
coolsjf: moron
weirdosjm: i’m chatting with 6 people
coolsjf: mazel tov
weirdosjm: thanks bitch
coolsjf: so let’s stop talking. it’s a waste of my time.
weirdosjm: ur time?
weirdosjm: ok cunt go
weirdosjm: and some advise change t he pic on ur profile
coolsjf: ADVICE
coolsjf: why? ’cause i dont’ wear make-up? ’cause i’m honest about what i’m like?
weirdosjm: no its more than that
coolsjf: don’t worry. i’ve attracted guys who i’m interested in
weirdosjm: i’m sure u have that y ur on it every day
coolsjf: i’m not going to stoop to insulting you, but your profile is nothing to brag about (pictures and content)
coolsjf: actually i’m not,but even if it were true, how would you know it? it would mean that YOU’RE on every day
weirdosjm: u know how many emails i get everyday
weirdosjm: and its STOP
weirdosjm: not stoop
coolsjf: no it’s STOOP, you imbecile. look it up in a dictionary.
weirdosjm: i am on every day the more pussy the better
coolsjf: i’m not going to STOOP to insulting you.
weirdosjm: u can keep goin
coolsjf: stoop as in bend down, get so low and pathetic as to do something.
coolsjf: that’s the literal definition. the way i used it was figurative.
weirdosjm: good so go teach then
coolsjf: why don’t you go on craig’s list if all you want is action ?
weirdosjm: i hope this guy see’s ur on jdate everyday
coolsjf: SEES
weirdosjm: whats craigs list
weirdosjm: ?
coolsjf: oh here you go. please leave jdate forever. go to newyork.craigslist.org — they have personals sections. it’s all free. you can go to “casual encounters.” it seems like it’s more your speed.
weirdosjm: k thanks
coolsjf: oh check it. there’s a website called f*ckbuddies.com. just what you need. it’s for slimey losers who can’t find a real relationship.
weirdosjm: i dont do that stuff those people arent clean
coolsjf: and you are? when were you last tested? given that you say: “i am on every day the more pussy the better”

Previous message was not received by weirdosjm because of error: User weirdosjm is not available.

Ken Wheaton’s “Nondating Life” series is often quoted here at J.A. and is truly the “Cheers” for the single daters (where everyone knows your name). Well, now he has Frasiered…that is, he has spun the series off to a new blog.

Read Ken’s instaclassics from the beginning of the series, and keep up with his thoughts as he adds them…

And tell him Esther sent you!

I’m shameless, stealing the name of this post from Superjux. But hopefully, she’ll still let me sleep on her floor when I’m in California next month.

People who shouldn’t be on jdate
What a great idea. There should totally be a list. Maybe people who post pictures of other people in their profile (for instance, Smith from Sex and the City…I mean, duh…I know that’s not you), or someone who asks a woman’s cup size during the first IM conversation, or anyone who is “just as comfortable in a cocktail dress as I am in jeans relaxing around the house.” Anyone else you’d nominate (no names, please; just “types”) for inclusion on such a list?

Frum dating stories
“We met in a hotel lobby. All around us, bustling bellboys bore bags. I sipped my diet Coke with lemon, raptly listening to his account of the Siyum HaShas. And as I saw myself reflected in his glasses, I felt Hashem reveal my destiny: I was going to make Shabbes for him.”

Wingwoman
Always helps to have one. Unless you’re a woman, and your wingwoman is more attractive than you. Then you’re screwed. (See also, “Esther’s College Years.”)

Shomer kashrut
Because as all J.A. readers know, kashrut news can best be gleaned from blogs about dating.

Friend zone test
Which of these sentences describes you?
A) You like someone. He makes you feel every way you’re supposed to feel, from the way he looks at you, to the laughs you have together. You feel the connection physically, even when he’s not touching you. But he is always dating someone else, and doesn’t seem to look at you “that way.”
B) People describe you as “an awesome person,” “a good guy,” or “a cool gal.”
To calculate your results, review your answers. If you picked A, you are in the Friend Zone. If you picked B, you are also in the Friend Zone. Recommended course of action: Quit the gym and eat what you want. (Might I suggest pizza, cheese fries and a regular Coke followed by a pint of Ben and Jerry’s new Chocolate Therapy ice cream?)

Dutch men’s fear of commitment
I had no idea that Dutch men feared commitment. But it makes sense, what with the wooden shoes and all.

Jdate IM free
Believe me, sweetie, even when it’s free, it’s never free. You know what I mean.

Married men Jdate
Luckily, they’ve not found me yet. Maybe if I’m still single in ten years, I’ll be more openminded, but for now, I’m gonna have to tell the espoused to hit the internet pavement.

Drunk people opening feelings
One thing’s certain. When drunk people open feelings, they should definitely “point away from face.”