JDaters Anonymous

Recently, I had more than one conversation about “types,” as in “s/he’s not my type.” In this context, it’s not about “I only like hedge fund managers” (although sometimes it is). When you say “type”, it’s all about physical type. “I like blond guys,” or “I like thin girls,” or “I’m not attracted to Sephardi men,” or “I’m into petite women.”

Thinking about my past relationships, I am unable extrapolate a single type. I’m sure that my single sisters do have “types” of guys they’d prefer to date, like an Amazon wishlist of items they’ve ranked in order of which they’d like to receive first. But it’s only men who I’ve heard say, “well, she’s not really my type, so I don’t think I’ll call/write/email/contact/go out with her.”

Before you men get your Brokeback Mountain Underoos in a bunch, let me say that there were one or two JDate profiles/blog entries by men that pissed me off inspired this post, and I acknowledge (as I did above, hello…) that women do it too. But I began wondering if maybe men (and ok, women too) need to be a little more flexible about physical type. Especially when considering a first conversation or a first meeting.

What do you guys think? Can we be attracted to people of varying physical types or are people really “set in type”?

To: The guy who sang “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” in the JDate chat room at midnight

From: JDaters Anonymous

Re: Your day job

Don’t quit it. But a gold medal for bravery, truly. Word to the wise…a cappella is not your genre. Try karaoke, you’ll like it…

/jda

An excerpt from my new JW column, titled “Forever Friends”:

[…] It’s not that platonic, opposite-sex relationships don’t exist. But they’re complicated. Some “Forever Friends” stick around, hoping patiently that their platonic pal will someday see the romantic light, but this may turn out to be a painful mistake. “It’s like dating a man who is already taken, hoping he’ll leave her for you — it’s not the healthiest of beginnings,” says Julia, 28.

Others find comfort in the rewards of solidly platonic friendships. “Once you grow closer to someone as a friend, the love you have grows more into a sibling type of love,” says Rachel, 24, “Soon you become so attached as friends that the attraction is almost completely forgotten. You end up knowing them so well it’s impossible to ‘like’ them any longer.”

Sometimes that works. But when yearning deepens, friendship becomes impossibly painful. Unless other romances intervene or the love-stricken party accepts the impossibility of progress, feelings can continue, leading to soulful declarations met by disappointing reaffirmations with parenthetical, unvocalized caveat counterparts: “I think you’re great (but not great enough for me),” “You’re going to make someone (else) very happy,” “I don’t deserve you (I deserve someone better),” and “You know we’re better as friends (so I don’t have
to tell you that I don’t think you’re all that attractive).”

Read more online, here.

A reader sent me a link to this article, which tells the tale of a couple who, praise Hashem, met at the ripe old age of 22 through a Federation event, thereby, thank G-d, avoiding the angst and agita of remaining single into their early twenties. Yes, that’s right. Finally, a story we can all relate to.

Amanda Glincher, 22, says that even among other Jews, she has often stood out as very Jewish. Growing up she attended South Peninsula Hebrew Day School and the Orthodox synagogue Am Echad. Her family kept kosher, and often attended shul. “All the guys I dated on this coast were Reform,” said Amanda. “They would eat cheeseburgers…. in their home… on their own dishes!”

Jacob Orrin, 22, grew up on the East Coast and attended college at Rutgers University, finishing his degree at San Jose State. “On the East Coast, you’re stumbling over Jewish people,” Jacob said. “Here, there’s really few opportunities to meet people.” Especially, observant Jewish girls!

Ooops! Ouch! What was that? [Esther looks at her feet.] Sorry folks, just stumbled over another Jewish person. Back to the story.

Both Jake and Amanda were busy dating one after another Reform, incompatible Jewish singles. Jake had gone to a few cocktail parties hosted by the Silicon Valley Young Adult Division of the Jewish Federation of Silicon Valley but hadn’t met anyone yet.

What? A few whole cocktail parties? And still no one?? The horror!

But fear not. Liquid courage is on its way.

Although she had been invited by friends to other events, Amanda had been avoiding SVYAD events on purpose for several months, “I didn’t want to hang out with all the young and desperate singles,” she joked. But one evening, Amanda agreed to accompany a friend on SVYAD’s “Booze Bus” up to the Latke Ball in San Francisco. It just so happened that Jake would also be on the bus that evening.

That brazen little hussy…calling a boy. When I was a girl, we didn’t call boys, or talk to boys, or sit in a parked car with a boy…

Three weeks later the couple was already talking marriage. Their wedding is in September. Why so quick?

“I’ve been on a thousand dates,” said Jake, “and when you know it’s right,
it’s right.”

He’s been on a thousand dates. Yeah, Jake. Me too. No, y’know what? I’ve been on, like, a jillion dates. So there. (OK, so maybe it’s closer to twenty. But if Jake can exaggerate, so can I.)

Seriously, hope these crazy kids can make it work; built on a foundation of boozing and bussing and with the involvement of Chabad and Federation? Two Jewish organizations? Uh-huh…should be great!