Group therapy in a blog.
Online Dating
Let the Games Begin: “Surfing for a Sweetheart”
1117 years
There are endless sources of stress for a single person during the holiday season. Most of them center on the annual rite of passage known as “Determining What You’re Doing For New Year’s.” For years, this question has plagued me–seldom do I have a satisfying answer when the question is asked.
Occasionally I’ve thrown parties, which has been great, but stressful; other times, my friends have thrown parties, which have been great, except I drink too much and then have to stumble home. But on the whole, the “do you have a date” thing was so annoying that I was really glad to be going to Israel over New Year’s this year. I could evade the question and the event entirely! In fact, I could even pretend that we were still in the old year, if I wanted to!
But then I read this. A Miami Herald columnist is writing about her quest for a date by Valentine’s Day. That’s right–skip the December dilemma and head straight for the February FUBAR. Because in case you’ve decided New Year’s is stupid, this column will be here to remind you that Valentine’s Day is coming, and God help you, you’ll need a date for that too.
Aside from an initial “oh great, I have to worry about February 14th, too?”, I wish her luck. But more than that, I hope she stumbles across some essential truths that make it easier for the rest of us to date, or that she at least experiences some funny stories that she’s able to share with the class. But I have to say I’m skeptical. But if this quest does succeed, maybe one of us at JDA will do an online blog challenge like she is…it’ll be like The Biggest Loser, but with dates instead of weights, and online instead of prime time.
Red Flags
217 years
With online dating, sometimes people seem a little off. Part of it is the medium, which presents information that might have been intended by the sender in one way, and is reinterpreted in another by the recipient.
For instance, this article intersperses personal reflections with real emails and ads from online daters, so you get exposure to word art like this:
“Come hither and yon most resplendent daughter of Zeus so we might cavort (with body, mind and spirit) NOT in that heavenly vault of royal blue, but rather here upon the terrestrial (i.e. terra firma) tarmac! Prithee tell this faux Dionysus that which harkens deep within the psyche and quickens the pulse! I could attempt to summon forth that animal, diurnal and seminal splendor that springs from latent mental and physical powers!”
OK, I admit it. I like it when a guy can speak English, knows the difference between “its” and “it’s,” and illustrates that he has a large (ahem) vocabulary. But this is too much.
A friend of mine sent me this email, received by the notorious “friend of a friend” that makes it impossible to track–it would be impossible to believe, but the truth is that we’ve all received propositions like this one…(spellings and punctuation preserved for full effect):
I have a picture to send, provided you are still interested after reading this email. If you are not open minded and get offended …please do not continue to read. Lets face it conventional marriage does NOT work. How many friends do you have who are married and miserable ? or divorced ? or cheating on their spouses ? There is a reason Carrers – kids – life in general take over and passion, love and sex go out the door. I would like to think i’m an enlightened jewish male. I want to have a life partner and or wife with a beautiful family life and children with one twist… I’m not seeking an open marriage (thats just two people who cheat on eachother) I am seeking a woman who is interested in the “Lifestyle”. If you are not familiar – Think Swinging…… I’m seeking a woman who wants a strong relationship …but is open to meeting other couples and women along the way……keeping the passion and the sex HOT for ever… I know you may be completely offended reading this…and i’m sorry if you are…i’m seeking an enlightened woman to meet… This is not an email to just get laid….I’m seeking a partner in crime to enjoy this with…erotic parties, hedonism and fun times… to the outside world we are a very normal cute couple….we have our little secret…..
Everyone has secrets. And some people like their relationships a little on the dangerous side. And I get the whole “let’s not be exclusive because it’s more fun and more natural than monogamy” thing. But trolling JDate for this kind of thing? Really? Do people do that? Because I know many women who have received such an email on JDate, and no men who have (admitted to having) sent such an email…isn’t it interesting how that works?
The Five Stages (IAmBored.Com)
318 years
Via IAmBored.com, here is one writer’s assessment of the five stages of online dating: The Actual Truth Stage (trying to find someone who loves you for who you are); The Fudging of the Truth Stage (which includes a little ‘light invention’); the Blatantly Lying Stage (which involved an amalgam of elements from other people’s profiles, creating a profile that the author calls “as unrelated to me as possible”); The Screw You Bastards Stage (Handle: “TasteTheLove_TasteIt; Quote: I’m only creepy on the inside) and The “Giving Up on Society” Stage (“What I’m looking for: Anyone. Seriously.”).
Just like they always told us in improv class: it’s funny because it’s true.
JDate Halloween Tips: Dress Like a Whore and You’ll Be Fine
318 years
That’s right…Halloween approacheth, like a slow, painful evisceration peeking over the horizon. Prepare for the endless string of horror flicks all over basic cable, a proliferation of candy corn at local supermarkets, and bloodied accident victims punctuating the streets with flecks of disastrous, panic-provoking seasonal color. (No, I’m not a big Halloween fan.)
And it wouldn’t be a holiday with an excuse for women to dress like hookers if JDate didn’t find a hook to self-promote. So they’ve released this handy “guide” to a successful Halloween, which includes tips about the most popular costumes (men enjoy the French Maid, and women the policeman) and how not to become a ghoul (don’t drink too much). And they’ve also announced a series of ‘Jewdunnit’ murder mystery dinner parties uniquely scripted for JDate members.
Of course, my posting about this blatant attempt to self-promote is itself an illustration that the PR strategy worked. It’s very meta. And very frustrating. But the upside? A hechsher to dress like a ho, if only for one night.
Corante Call to Action
218 years
Over at Corante, Dave Evans provides us all–daters and dating service providers–with a call to action that’s well worth the read. He calls it a rant, I say he’s right on the money, quite literally, as he anticipates the day that “dating and social networking sites begin to respect their members and cater to their deeper, more evolved needs,” instead of their current default, which is to “think singles are sheep with credit cards tattooed on their foreheads.” Right on, Dave…
I end this post with his inspiring challenge to us all:
If you work in the dating industry, go brainstorm something useful and cool for your site, create a new ad campaign, market to a new niche or tweak your search algorithm or find a new way to entice people to sign up for your site. Do something extraordinary that differentiates you from the competition.
If you’re single, go outside and do something outside your comfort zone. Talk to a stranger that catches your eye, strike up a conversation with new people, they are often more likely to connect you with someone than your friends.
Make it a Rosh Hashanah (New Year’s) Resolution. Do something different. What will you do?
Post-It, Out: UBreakup, In
118 years
If you can’t get Shannen Doherty to do your dirty work for you, and you think breaking up via Post-It is so three years ago, now cowards everywhere have a better way to break off sub-par relationships.
With UBreakup.com, now you can record your breakup message and schedule its delivery–for say, the day after Valentine’s Day, so you don’t have to disappoint anyone in person. And if you’re one of those people who records and rerecords her phone’s voice mail message until she gets the words and tone just right, you can do that here too–no need to feel locked into the first vocalization of your message. Rerecord as many times as you like! Need help figuring out what to say? The site also offers help, in the form of “prerecorded messages.”
Days like these, I’m glad I am Jewish, so I can offer an authentic “Oy.”
(via Netscape)
“Date Now, Meet Later”–Romance Meets Skype
018 years
Are you a Montreal-based Raelian who “gets tested in medical experiments for a living” and believes that aliens are among us, but–somehow, inexplicably–you still can’t find love domestically? The good news is that there’s likely a lovely 42-year-old Guatemalan nail technician out there for you, and you can use a combo of online dating and Skype to date her without ever meeting her. You can even watch each other sleep using Web cameras. [brief pause for creepy shudder]
Or maybe you’re a “5.5 or 6″ on a scale of looks. No reason you shouldn’t get yourself someone who could be a model. (This coulda-model was apparently under 5 feet tall, but still.) Or maybe you’re a dude from Michigan who falls in love with a Cairo girl. Forge a relationship that’s true, and maybe her parents will like you so much that they’ll let you stay with them in Cairo instead of relegating you to a hostel.
These are today’s hopes of modern romance, informeth the L.A. Times, with an interesting piece about the role that digital phones have in revolutionizing the way people date online. Sort of. [“Harvey, would you roll those soundbites about creepy phone sex and people who reek? Thanks…”]
Skype Me, which invites strangers to contact one another, […] has a seedier side as well. Some female users complain that signing onto Skype Me mode invites a barrage of men looking for phone sex who send vulgar pictures or messages. One user complained on an online forum: “I’m sure that at least half of the people who Skyped me could probably be considered clinically insane.”
Some psychologists say a relationship created and sustained by Net phone can be incomplete. Net phone contact is “simultaneously allowing people to become more intimate and yet have less patience with real life and real-time human fumbles and foibles,” said Linda Young, a psychologist at Seattle University who has counseled many students who have sustained or developed relationships over Skype. Not having to deal with another person’s bad temper or foul-smelling habits makes the Internet pal seem more perfect than he or she actually is, Young said.
Maybe it’s easier to stick with Craigslist after all, no matter what an endeavor like that brings…ÂÂ