Group therapy in a blog.
Dateline: Beverly Hills – Bachelor #87
The world is full of dating stories. This is one of them.
Written by a friend of mine (no, really, it’s not me) who recently moved to LA from New York (I swear it’s not me!), the post tells a tale all-too-familiar to Jewish daters…there’s a fancy hotel, expensive cars and clothes, and a man with an obscure job. And of course, awkward conversation.
Dateline: Beverly Hills – Bachelor #87
by J., intrepid JDater
I was contacted on JDate by a man who initiated an IM conversation with “Are you a good cook”? I continued to chat with him online and then over the phone, at which point he asked me out for a date. Bachelor #87 hails from Israel. He is from Iran originally and moved to LA from Israel when he was 18. So a Persian/Israeli Jew. He’s 43, never been married and “works in real estate” what ever that means. He does not work for a company and does not have his own company so somehow he’s figured out how to make money. (Fine Italian shoes, fancy sports car and diamond watch attached). I’m starting to think I’m the idiot here, who works in a cubicle all day.
He treated me to a fancy bottle of wine and lovely appetizers at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills. We’re talking a $300 dollar snack here. He’s wearing a French cuff shirt with diamond cuff links and pointy Italian shoes. They could have been alligator but I am not well versed in footwear. I’m in GAP jeans and a t-shirt and was THIS close to wearing flip flops; luckily the heels made it to The Peninsula. But I showered, I promise!
We discussed Israel, US politics, future goals. He explained to me that men and women are not equal, and a woman should know her place in the marriage: in the home. She should be strong enough to deal with all his issues and be a doting mother at the same time. A woman should never challenge the man or diminish his pride. She should listen and be attentive. She should want to move wherever her husband decides they move – so if 3 years into the marriage he wants to move to Israel, she should go. He expects 3 children minimum and after one hour together explained to me I am a viable candidate. I’d be a great mother and a great wife, apparently. YAY!
As we’re sitting on the couch by the fire at The Peninsula Hotel and talking, his shirt is slightly unbuttoned and he’s slowly pinching his chest hair over and over. The motion resembled that of a woman who is petting a cat on her lap while entertaining a guest.
He asked me if I cook, what I cook and if I’d be willing to learn Persian cuisine. He has ancestors from Russia on his mother’s side and was thrilled when I told him I can make borscht. I’m really killing this I think! I’m almost in! I just have to make sure I don’t screw anything up!
He asked me if I would ever challenge his word in front of the children. Once we have them of course. I was happy he was bringing up good first date conversation. I mean, I wouldn’t want it to be awkward or anything.
He asked what I enjoy doing on the weekends and I let him know I love to swim and sadly don’t have a pool in my building. He said this is not a problem and he will speak with The Peninsula Hotel management so they allow me to use their pool at my leisure. Yay, he likes me!
Around 11 o’clock I explained I must get home as I have an early wake up call to go into the office. He said a 9am arrival time is ridiculous and he should have a conversation with my boss. He was also not happy I don’t get more than 2 weeks of vacation time. How are we supposed to go to Israel together for the whole month of September? I got nervous…did I just mess this up? Is my corporate America job keeping me from my beloved? How do I paddle back from this? I mean, this is a great man I’ve got here! He’s a staunch Republican, fiercely pro-Israel and is looking for a wife.
After the date we went to the valet to get our cars. He drove a fancy 2-seater sporty BMW. As I watched my future Jewish husband get into his German sports car and drive away, I couldn’t help but wonder…. I hope I did okay.
Do you have a fascinating dating story to share? Send them to us at jdatersanonymous at gmail.com, and you might just end up with a guest post here at JDA!
oh man…
I had a man demanding I promise him, that I buy an apartment (or rent, if I prefer) in a neighborhood of his choice for us to live in when/if we marry. Otherwise, he threatened to “call of this shidduch” (exactly his wording). I was speechless. He lived with his parents, worked at $9/hr job and paid child support. He was in no position to contribute, financially or otherwise. I decided to think about it and let him know next day. Next day, he figured I am not that excited about buying
husbandapartment, and he broke up with me.43, never married, “works in real estate”? Your friend endured the rest of her interview because she’s working on an advanced degree in sociology, right? I hope she managed to get in some questions of her own, like “have you ever washed a dish, and were you okay afterward?”, “how many names do you go by in your ‘business'” and “as your wife, would I get my own security detail in case one of your clients stops by and can’t find you?”
Ha!
HAAAAA!
HAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your poor, poor friend.
Benji
“I hope I did OK.”
Seriously? It’s one thing to be ready for marriage, but it’s something else entirely to put up with such a demanding, self-centered pig of a man as this just because he wants to give you a ring. What, aside from money, chest hair and dangling the m-word, attracted your friend to this guy?
Shirshir, sounds like you dodged a really large and unsubtle bullet. Good for you for understanding that someone who issues such a demand isn’t a good shidduch.
MarriedtotheMob, tell Michelle Pfeiffer I say hi. I, too am concerned about this gentleman’s potential dish-washing trauma. I’ll ask her what she managed to ask him in the gentle pauses in the passionate conversation.
Benji, single Jewish women thank you, as always, for your support.
RJ3, I’m pretty sure she was kidding…and that she wasn’t so much attracted to him, but keeping an open mind by meeting someone in real life that she had met before only online. Thanks for your indignation, though – I’ll pass it on to my friend so she’ll feel reassured that you are looking out for her.
“I hope I did OK.†– there should be a sarcasm font
All in good fun, I suppose, though I’m rather surprised the date didn’t end prematurely with a drink to the face. The dialogue sounds like it came right out of an episode of Mad Men!
Still, I think this little episode gets to a larger problem. Without generalizing (at which point I start generalizing), “nice” Jewish men who don’t bother with Jewish women do so because the women will put up with scumbag operator types like Mr. BMW here as long as they mention marriage. We have become so obsessed with solving the “crisis” that we’ve exacerbated it.
The chicken-or-egg part of the story can wait for another day, but perhaps the fact that many Jewish men prefer non-Jewish women has more to do with the endless focus on Jewish marriage at all costs than it does with anything else.
There are women out there who have families and live in communities that don’t carp on it endlessly – they’re called non-Jews. …and they seem to be marrying an awful lot of Jewish men.
Amusing, and oh so common to the type. We call it ‘controlling behavior’. And on a date? Not a good sign, but a sign nevertheless. It says: ‘RUN’! RUN AWAY, FAR AWAY, FAST!! In a marriage, it would be a disaster. And then a tragedy. Of indefinite duration. And that’s the ‘success story’ here.
And this only tells part of the tale probably:
“He’s 43, never been married and “works in real estate†whatever that means. He does not work for a company and does not have his own company so somehow he’s figured out how to make money. (Fine Italian shoes, fancy sports car and diamond watch attached)”.
Yeah. No ‘visible means of support’? Always another suspicious sign. And besides, he really wants a dog. “A woman should never challenge the man or diminish his pride. She should listen and be attentive.” Yes A Dog. “She should want to move wherever her husband decides they move”. So Natch, “He’s a staunch Republican…” Yeah. Try to hook up with the single Madoff kids. They’ll be out sooner & share more of your values. No Really. Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’